dolphy

I don't understand this and am searching for some insight.

I have always regarded my qualifier as capable of no wrong. I have been so adamant about adjusting my reality to fit this notion that when they first told me they were an alcoholic and going into recovery, I was honestly truly blind sighted and never saw it again. Later, when the same person told me they were now going into recovery for substance abuse, I felt blind sighted again. I was never able to see the effects of alcoholism or substance abuse until after the fact.

I am curious. What made me so willing to be blind? Has anyone else ever gone through something similar to this? Why do we do this?

GiveLove

For me, there was something inside that desperately, COMPLETELY needed to believe that "he" was the person I thought he was. I needed to believe in the fantasy I had built of him, in order to feel good about my life, and in life in general.

It was also something my childhood trained me to do - trust my "intuition" rather than the facts staring me in the face. Unfortunately, it turned out that my intuition had rose-colored glasses. I needed to learn to process facts, not just feelings.

Learning to be realistic -- to see what's in front of me, and adjust my beliefs accordingly -- has brought me unseen benefits that I never could have imagined. It is a practice, and the skill doesn't come overnight, but it comes if you want it to.

sailorjohn

Denial. A human, very common response, a defense mechanism. Don't fault yourself for being human.

cmc

Alot of things made me blind to such things. It doesn't matter so much to me now because I can't go back and change the past, but I can work on myself and change how I see things, my attitudes and most importantly- I can change my actions.

I remember one time when a friend told me outright: 'you know...I drink too much.' and I didn't bat an eye. Today I am training myself to listen to those cues and learn from my mistakes.

How I learn to do better is by asking the very questions put forth in this thread, and by seeking out those who understand and have found a better way.

It's nice to meet you dolphy, you are off to a good start by coming here.
Welcome to SR.