sailorjohn

So, figure I'll skip the AA meeting and go to the dark side, they have an Al-anon meeting there. And only one other person attending, but it is a male, can't recall how many meetings I've gone to where I was the only male there and the only recovering alcoholic. Meeting was okay, got to talk out loud about my codie things.

After the meeting, I'm hanging out smoking-started again-talking to a fellow racer about racing, naturally. Pretty early as it was a fairly short meeting for the two of us, waiting for my homies from the 12 step table I usually sit at to come out so we can chat for a bit.

The meeting chair comes out, a tall, rather young-maybe mid-thirties-blond, fairly striking, we strike up a conversation, her boys are there, hip-hop dancing, very talented. I mention this and she talks at length about her boys, essentially all that she talks about. She also lets slip, at least twice, that her marriage is 'rocky'. The fellows from the twelve step table are there, on at least one occasion one of them says my name, is he trying to get my attention?

Does he think I'm hitting on her? I don't think I am, will ask them what they think next Tuesday, or what their impression was. I merely listened to her, we and some of the guys from the 12 step table were the last to leave and all walked together to our cars, her van happened to be parked next to my car. All this intro to get to the part that floored me. She never talked about the length of her sobriety, got the impression that she's an NA refugee, don't take this wrong but we get a fair number due to the simple fact, or so we've been told, is that the guys have a hard time finding anyone at NA with any long term sobriety. Just as she's getting ready to get into the van she tells me that she has "fibromyalgia" sp?, just like the ex wife. Now if alarms didn't go off before, they are now.


So, what's going on here? Is she throwing out hooks, and I'm just not noticing? She doesn't know me, doesn't know my history. BTW, I have absolutely no intention of getting involved with anyone for I would guess a fairly long time, for obvious reasons. I seem to have either an attraction to or attract needy people, probably both.

LaTeeDa

Like attracts like.

Something I've noticed, purely anecdotal, by the way, is it seems that fibromyalgia is a common ailment among codependents. Makes sense if you think about it. No known physical cause, no medical cure, some suspect it is caused by stress, it seems to respond to "treatments" that lower stress and promote overall psychological health........and it's sort of a "catch-all" diagnosis for something that doctors really can't get their arms around.

My purely personal opinion is that fibromyalgia is a physical manifestation of codependence.

Something to ponder anyway.

L

laurie6781

John, something else I have figured out over the years............................what type of person we attract to ourselves is based on our insides not our outsides. When I am 'not right' on the inside is when I attract the 'needy' or the 'sick' and when I am all right on the insides and am functioning in a 'fit spiritual condition' I attract others that are also in a fit spiritual condition.

Yes it's definitely OK to be outgoing and friendly with both sexes, however, I am glad to hear you write:

Keep that at the forefront of your thoughts and you will do ok.

As to her announcing she has fibromyalgia I don't believe that is any different than me announcing that I have diabetes. Sort of a 'heads up' in case she stumbles or I go down from a blood sugar drop.

Yes I always look for the 'good' in people. Didn't use to be that way. lol

Keep going to your meetings, talk with your sponsor, you will get through this and be better for it.

J M H O

Thank you for sharing this, good lesson for all of us.

Love and hugs,