Language Of Letting Go, June 13th
Forum Leader
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Language Of Letting Go, June 13th
Friday, June 13, 2008
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Hanging on to Old Relationships
We want to travel baggage-free on this journey. It makes the trip easier.
Some of the baggage we can let go of is lingering feelings and unfinished business with past relationships: anger, resentments, feelings of victimization, hurt, or longing.
If we have not put closure on a relationship, if we cannot walk away in peace, we have not yet learned our lesson. That may mean we will have to have another go around with that lesson before we are ready to move on.
We may want to do a Fourth Step (a written inventory of our relationships) and a Fifth Step (an admission of our wrongs). What feelings did we leave with in a particular relationship? Are we still carrying those feelings around? Do we want the heaviness and impact of that baggage on our behavior today?
Are we still feeling victimized, rejected, or bitter about something that happened two, five, ten, or even twenty years ago?
It may be time to let it go. It may be time to open ourselves to the true lesson from that experience. It may be time to put past relationships to rest, so we are free to go on to new, more rewarding experiences.
We can choose to live in the past, or we can choose to finish our old business from the past and open ourselves to the beauty of today.
Let go of your baggage from past relationships.
Today, I will open myself to the cleansing and healing process that will put closure on yesterday and open me to the best today, and tomorrow, has to offer in my relationships.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Hanging on to Old Relationships
We want to travel baggage-free on this journey. It makes the trip easier.
Some of the baggage we can let go of is lingering feelings and unfinished business with past relationships: anger, resentments, feelings of victimization, hurt, or longing.
If we have not put closure on a relationship, if we cannot walk away in peace, we have not yet learned our lesson. That may mean we will have to have another go around with that lesson before we are ready to move on.
We may want to do a Fourth Step (a written inventory of our relationships) and a Fifth Step (an admission of our wrongs). What feelings did we leave with in a particular relationship? Are we still carrying those feelings around? Do we want the heaviness and impact of that baggage on our behavior today?
Are we still feeling victimized, rejected, or bitter about something that happened two, five, ten, or even twenty years ago?
It may be time to let it go. It may be time to open ourselves to the true lesson from that experience. It may be time to put past relationships to rest, so we are free to go on to new, more rewarding experiences.
We can choose to live in the past, or we can choose to finish our old business from the past and open ourselves to the beauty of today.
Let go of your baggage from past relationships.
Today, I will open myself to the cleansing and healing process that will put closure on yesterday and open me to the best today, and tomorrow, has to offer in my relationships.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Forum Leader
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
This is a short trip down Memory Lane for me, here's a portion of my first post from 11/14/06:
I'm coming up on 21 months of sobriety, and to say that my second year hasn't been challenging would be an understatement. Good lord, dealing with emotions and feelings has never been more difficult. I've been divorced (2nd time) since Aug. of last year, and am a single father of two children. A little over a year ago I met a woman in my AA group and our kids hit it off right away. We formed a great friendship, and as time went on I've hoped it would become more than that. Well, it's really started to occur to me recently that no matter how much I pour into this friendship, the feelings aren't the same on her end. Sometimes I hear from her every day, and sometimes we'll go for weeks without seeing each other. It seems like we only connect when she needs help. All I really know is that I can't possess her soul, thoughts, or feelings so maybe it's just time to move on. If it's God's will for us to be together then so be it.
After reading the meditation in LOLG this morning I couldn't help but think of what the journey has been like for the past 1 1/2 years. The relationship I spoke of in that first post continued to rock my emotional sobriety and wreak havoc in another relationship that I started. I was hitting another bottom that I didn't see coming with the recovery I had under my belt.
What did I do? I started attending CoDA meetings and look forward to them everyone week with great anticipation. I love the serenity they bring to my relationships, and the awareness I have of my unhealthy behavior and actions. I did 4th & 5th Steps on my relationships and marriages with a therapist, and was shocked to find out that I'd been dating the same woman almost all my life (gee, what a surprise!) I started reading up on commitmentphobia, and recognized my patterns and characteristics of codependency. And eventually I started to put a lot of effort into having a healthy relationship with someone who's capable of giving the same in return.
That woman I met in AA? I detached and went no-contact almost 6 months ago, and although peace of mind didn't come on immediately, I don't give that relationship much thought anymore and I realize the damage it was doing to many areas of my life.
The result? I have a healthy (well, at least as healthy as two addicts are capable of having!) and loving relationship with a woman who focuses on her own program of recovery. That's a first for me, it gives me hope for a fulfilling future. My relationship with my children, family, and friends has flourished. And I've learned that I don't have to be friends with everyone, I can choose my friends carefully and I'm grateful for the strong friendships I have from doing that.
Life is good, recovery is great, many thanks to everyone here for sharing their experience, strength, and hope with this alcoholic. I'm grateful to walk this path with each and every one of you! :ghug2
I'm coming up on 21 months of sobriety, and to say that my second year hasn't been challenging would be an understatement. Good lord, dealing with emotions and feelings has never been more difficult. I've been divorced (2nd time) since Aug. of last year, and am a single father of two children. A little over a year ago I met a woman in my AA group and our kids hit it off right away. We formed a great friendship, and as time went on I've hoped it would become more than that. Well, it's really started to occur to me recently that no matter how much I pour into this friendship, the feelings aren't the same on her end. Sometimes I hear from her every day, and sometimes we'll go for weeks without seeing each other. It seems like we only connect when she needs help. All I really know is that I can't possess her soul, thoughts, or feelings so maybe it's just time to move on. If it's God's will for us to be together then so be it.
After reading the meditation in LOLG this morning I couldn't help but think of what the journey has been like for the past 1 1/2 years. The relationship I spoke of in that first post continued to rock my emotional sobriety and wreak havoc in another relationship that I started. I was hitting another bottom that I didn't see coming with the recovery I had under my belt.
What did I do? I started attending CoDA meetings and look forward to them everyone week with great anticipation. I love the serenity they bring to my relationships, and the awareness I have of my unhealthy behavior and actions. I did 4th & 5th Steps on my relationships and marriages with a therapist, and was shocked to find out that I'd been dating the same woman almost all my life (gee, what a surprise!) I started reading up on commitmentphobia, and recognized my patterns and characteristics of codependency. And eventually I started to put a lot of effort into having a healthy relationship with someone who's capable of giving the same in return.
That woman I met in AA? I detached and went no-contact almost 6 months ago, and although peace of mind didn't come on immediately, I don't give that relationship much thought anymore and I realize the damage it was doing to many areas of my life.
The result? I have a healthy (well, at least as healthy as two addicts are capable of having!) and loving relationship with a woman who focuses on her own program of recovery. That's a first for me, it gives me hope for a fulfilling future. My relationship with my children, family, and friends has flourished. And I've learned that I don't have to be friends with everyone, I can choose my friends carefully and I'm grateful for the strong friendships I have from doing that.
Life is good, recovery is great, many thanks to everyone here for sharing their experience, strength, and hope with this alcoholic. I'm grateful to walk this path with each and every one of you! :ghug2
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Life is good, recovery is great, many thanks to everyone here for sharing their experience, strength, and hope with this alcoholic. I'm grateful to walk this path with each and every one of you!
And yup this is a good for today!
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Astro-
Last week I attended a 5 day family workshop at my son's rehab.
I have been with my current husband for 14 yrs. who attended with me.
My ex-husband who is the father of my only AS, came to the workshop too.
He will not contribute to the cost of the rehab or the workshop fees, Nor is he
capable of any insight or honesty. But that is me taking his inventory.
The workshop dredged up a lot of "old stuff" and unfinished business from the past.
So thank you for today's timely lesson from The Lang. of Letting Go
I do want to lighten my baggage " Today, I will open myself to the cleansing & healing process that will put closure on yesterday and open me to the best today, and tomorrow, has to offer in my relationships "
Last week I attended a 5 day family workshop at my son's rehab.
I have been with my current husband for 14 yrs. who attended with me.
My ex-husband who is the father of my only AS, came to the workshop too.
He will not contribute to the cost of the rehab or the workshop fees, Nor is he
capable of any insight or honesty. But that is me taking his inventory.
The workshop dredged up a lot of "old stuff" and unfinished business from the past.
So thank you for today's timely lesson from The Lang. of Letting Go
I do want to lighten my baggage " Today, I will open myself to the cleansing & healing process that will put closure on yesterday and open me to the best today, and tomorrow, has to offer in my relationships "
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Thank you for sharing this Astro, I too have been in the same relationship for years! It is strange how I never noticed before, but they all had the same underlying issues, and in the last 8 years, my partner had some sort of an addiction (alcohol and previously pot).
I've made myself a promise to not get involved with anyone for, well I haven't actually decided how long! But I know that it will be a while before I work through all my baggage!
I am thankful that you are on this site, as Rella said, I too have learnt so much from you and others who are recovering and sharing here on SR. :ghug3
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I've made myself a promise to not get involved with anyone for, well I haven't actually decided how long! But I know that it will be a while before I work through all my baggage!
I am thankful that you are on this site, as Rella said, I too have learnt so much from you and others who are recovering and sharing here on SR. :ghug3
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
