What a dirty trick!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The beautiful Midwest
Posts: 202
What a dirty trick!
Well, I have something that is somewhat funny, yet honks me off a bit.
Each night I make my ABF and my lunches and put in the fridge for the next morning, so I went about my business as usual as he consumed 9 beers out of his 12 pack. I put his sandwiches and drinks in the plastic liner that goes into his lunchbox, then set it in the fridge (as usual). I put my sandwich in the door of the fridge in the butter compartment with the fliplid (as usual).
So, the night goes on and he goes to the mailbox and brings back the mail. He opens my package from the book company, which contained the book I had ordered, Under the Influence, makes a comment to me something like, 'so now you are ordering books..... blah blah blah' and he slings it my way. Well, it caught me off guard because I have been waiting on this book for a couple of weeks. He made it sound like it was a personal attack on him and I told him that I was trying to understand what was happening and how to deal with it. His comment was, "well, just kick me out". Not the first time I have heard that comment while he was consuming and I guess that is how women in his past have dealt with it so he's used to it and expecting it.
anyway... I laid in bed and started skimming through the book as he was getting undressed for the shower. All I heard was nervous chatter to the dog and then he went to the bathroom. I put the book down when I heard the shower turn off and he came to bed. I tried to act like most everything was normal, as I did not want to go to bed feeling bad......plus tomorrow is his birthday and he has been in good spirits and attempting to "cut back" since last weekend. (haven't we all heard THAT before?)
Okay, so I get to work this morning, everything seems to be normal, then at 10:30 I went to eat half of my turkey sandwich, like I always do, and lo and behold, it has been filled with jalapenio peppers placed neatly in between the meat!!! He KNOWS those things burn my mouth off and I NEVER eat them, so obviously he has done this to be mean!! Can you believe this man? I'm sitting here not knowing whether to be pissed or to laugh about it! How PETTY and juvenile can you get? I wonder if he even remembers doing it??
In all honesty, it is kind of funny to me! I dind't realize a book could get to him so easily! It's probably the fact that I am openly reading and talking about this disease and he doesn't want to hear it.
Just thought I would share something funny.
He may not get a lunch tomorrow. ha ha
Each night I make my ABF and my lunches and put in the fridge for the next morning, so I went about my business as usual as he consumed 9 beers out of his 12 pack. I put his sandwiches and drinks in the plastic liner that goes into his lunchbox, then set it in the fridge (as usual). I put my sandwich in the door of the fridge in the butter compartment with the fliplid (as usual).
So, the night goes on and he goes to the mailbox and brings back the mail. He opens my package from the book company, which contained the book I had ordered, Under the Influence, makes a comment to me something like, 'so now you are ordering books..... blah blah blah' and he slings it my way. Well, it caught me off guard because I have been waiting on this book for a couple of weeks. He made it sound like it was a personal attack on him and I told him that I was trying to understand what was happening and how to deal with it. His comment was, "well, just kick me out". Not the first time I have heard that comment while he was consuming and I guess that is how women in his past have dealt with it so he's used to it and expecting it.
anyway... I laid in bed and started skimming through the book as he was getting undressed for the shower. All I heard was nervous chatter to the dog and then he went to the bathroom. I put the book down when I heard the shower turn off and he came to bed. I tried to act like most everything was normal, as I did not want to go to bed feeling bad......plus tomorrow is his birthday and he has been in good spirits and attempting to "cut back" since last weekend. (haven't we all heard THAT before?)
Okay, so I get to work this morning, everything seems to be normal, then at 10:30 I went to eat half of my turkey sandwich, like I always do, and lo and behold, it has been filled with jalapenio peppers placed neatly in between the meat!!! He KNOWS those things burn my mouth off and I NEVER eat them, so obviously he has done this to be mean!! Can you believe this man? I'm sitting here not knowing whether to be pissed or to laugh about it! How PETTY and juvenile can you get? I wonder if he even remembers doing it??
In all honesty, it is kind of funny to me! I dind't realize a book could get to him so easily! It's probably the fact that I am openly reading and talking about this disease and he doesn't want to hear it.
Just thought I would share something funny.
He may not get a lunch tomorrow. ha ha
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
That is NOT FUNNY!
It is mean, vicious and vindictive and just a hint of what is to come. This man is in the throes of Alcoholism and it does PROGRESS.
Please take care of YOU, not him.
Please for your own sake, pack an emergency bag, with change of clothes, personal things, important papers etc and keep it in the trunk of your vehicle.
Yes, I have been sober for 27 years, but I see where he is heading.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing. We do care very much.
Love and hugs,
p.s. Practicing alkies are at an emotional level of whenever they started drinking. Unfortunately they are now adults and can think of and do some pretty terrible things.
It is mean, vicious and vindictive and just a hint of what is to come. This man is in the throes of Alcoholism and it does PROGRESS.
Please take care of YOU, not him.
Please for your own sake, pack an emergency bag, with change of clothes, personal things, important papers etc and keep it in the trunk of your vehicle.
Yes, I have been sober for 27 years, but I see where he is heading.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing. We do care very much.
Love and hugs,
p.s. Practicing alkies are at an emotional level of whenever they started drinking. Unfortunately they are now adults and can think of and do some pretty terrible things.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Actually I did not find any humor either...as it brought back memories for me! One that began with something close to this nature!
My XABF started to do things with putting hot pepper on my food, too much salt-stupid childish things...next as I began to go to counseling more, read more ummm get healthier-
He started to break things of mine against walls-then went after my helpless (dogs) animals-throwing one into the wall of my home.....leaving the blind diabetic one outside to fend for herself-, pulled her legs, ears to make her cry over the phone to me....and finally came after me! (Will not even go there what was done to me)
I agree with "keeping a bag packed" in all honesty it sounds as if it will only get worse-the more knowledge you gain.
And IMHO you state that you have to be nice to him? Is he being nice to you?
My XABF started to do things with putting hot pepper on my food, too much salt-stupid childish things...next as I began to go to counseling more, read more ummm get healthier-
He started to break things of mine against walls-then went after my helpless (dogs) animals-throwing one into the wall of my home.....leaving the blind diabetic one outside to fend for herself-, pulled her legs, ears to make her cry over the phone to me....and finally came after me! (Will not even go there what was done to me)
I agree with "keeping a bag packed" in all honesty it sounds as if it will only get worse-the more knowledge you gain.
And IMHO you state that you have to be nice to him? Is he being nice to you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The beautiful Midwest
Posts: 202
OMG!!! After reading some of the posts I am wondering WHY I would ever think this is funny either! I guess I didn't look at his behavior as anything but trying to get back at me.....either because of the book that came in the mail, or else because I fed him pot pies for dinner instead of cooking a big meal as usual. (He complained the whole time he woofed down the pot pies)
When Rella mentioned what had happened to her animals it hit a raw nerve with me because when my ABF is drunk, he talks to our dog in a mean tone and has also pulled her ears, tail, etc.... This dog is like a child to me and I would defend her to the very end. She KNOWS when he is drunk! She has literally ran and hid behind me or under my legs when he gets loud or scares her. I swear if he ever harmed her I would probably go to jail!!!
He has never been verbally or physically abusive to me but I am not one to push him that far. We've been together for 3 years and I can count on one hand the times I have yelled at him or gotten REALLY mad at him....and vice-versa. 2 of those times is when I told him he must leave. In my weakness I brought him back home both times.
Anyway, I appreciate the insight to what could happen in the future with this food-tampering behavior. It kind of scares me after reading some of the posts. Believe me when I say I am NOT making excuses up for him but I have known ABF for over 20 years and he has never been the violent type. I truly think he was just pulling a joke. I may be wrong......I hope not, but he has never done anything like this before so I have nothing to go by here except what I am hearing from this thread. I guess if he talks mean to the dog (whom he loves very much) then he could be harmful to me too.
Thanks to you all for your advice and input. It really does help me look at all angles. I will definately prepare a bag of clothes for my trunk to make sure I'm prepared just in case.
When Rella mentioned what had happened to her animals it hit a raw nerve with me because when my ABF is drunk, he talks to our dog in a mean tone and has also pulled her ears, tail, etc.... This dog is like a child to me and I would defend her to the very end. She KNOWS when he is drunk! She has literally ran and hid behind me or under my legs when he gets loud or scares her. I swear if he ever harmed her I would probably go to jail!!!
He has never been verbally or physically abusive to me but I am not one to push him that far. We've been together for 3 years and I can count on one hand the times I have yelled at him or gotten REALLY mad at him....and vice-versa. 2 of those times is when I told him he must leave. In my weakness I brought him back home both times.
Anyway, I appreciate the insight to what could happen in the future with this food-tampering behavior. It kind of scares me after reading some of the posts. Believe me when I say I am NOT making excuses up for him but I have known ABF for over 20 years and he has never been the violent type. I truly think he was just pulling a joke. I may be wrong......I hope not, but he has never done anything like this before so I have nothing to go by here except what I am hearing from this thread. I guess if he talks mean to the dog (whom he loves very much) then he could be harmful to me too.
Thanks to you all for your advice and input. It really does help me look at all angles. I will definately prepare a bag of clothes for my trunk to make sure I'm prepared just in case.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
Wow - at first I thought it was funny too. Then reading others' posts, it made me see the other side. Seriously the more I think about it, the more I realize how much my codependency would allow this type of behavior and brush it off as funny.
NeedHappiness - I agree with the others about packing a bag and letting him know that you did not find the sandwich thing funny at all. What if you had taken a really big bite or something? What's "prank" will he try next?
Not trying to be "Debbie Doomsday", but I concur it is more serious than a "prank".
NeedHappiness - I agree with the others about packing a bag and letting him know that you did not find the sandwich thing funny at all. What if you had taken a really big bite or something? What's "prank" will he try next?
Not trying to be "Debbie Doomsday", but I concur it is more serious than a "prank".
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Let me reiterate what Laurie already said. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. The drinking escalates. So does the bad behavior. If your dog is afraid of him in your presence, imagine what he does to her when he's drunk and you're not around to protect her.
Time to start figuring out why you're tolerating:
Daily drinking
Childish behavior
Complaints over what you cook for dinner
Aggressive behavior towards you
Aggressive behavior towards your dog
Nothing funny about this. If he were my boyfriend, I wouldn't be fixing him dinner tonight or lunch tomorrow--or any day. He'd be history.
Time to start figuring out why you're tolerating:
Daily drinking
Childish behavior
Complaints over what you cook for dinner
Aggressive behavior towards you
Aggressive behavior towards your dog
Nothing funny about this. If he were my boyfriend, I wouldn't be fixing him dinner tonight or lunch tomorrow--or any day. He'd be history.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
Thank you FD- as usual you said it clearly, without mincing words. The part about the dog also scared me. I did think it was (sort of) humorous in a "what a f-ing childish, stupid thing to do. Makes me wonder about my own tendencies to put up with too much- something I am working hard on trying to change.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
I had that flash last summer, I should have internalized it. Typical row, I'm telling her I want to end it, her response via text "I HATE YOU" I thought immediately, sounds something like a teenager-a young teenager-would write.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Well....here's a man who can't make his own damn lunch, who opens packages that aren't his, who complains about your cooking, who torments animals, who tries to tell you what you can & can't read, and you put up with all of it like it's normal. Oh, yeah, and he's an alcoholic too.
He has your permission to act like a 12-year-old, it sounds like. When are you going to let him grow up?
I'd start by telling him that, for that little trick, he's earned the right to make his own stupid sandwiches for the rest of his life.
Sorry about my tone. I'm not really an angry person but he sounds like he's a real jerk, and the first time he pulled my dog's ears or tail would be the same night he'd be in the ER having a claw hammer removed from his skull. Maybe we can see what perhaps you can't: he's abusing you in every way he can get away with, just like a snotty, spoiled teenager.
He has your permission to act like a 12-year-old, it sounds like. When are you going to let him grow up?
I'd start by telling him that, for that little trick, he's earned the right to make his own stupid sandwiches for the rest of his life.
Sorry about my tone. I'm not really an angry person but he sounds like he's a real jerk, and the first time he pulled my dog's ears or tail would be the same night he'd be in the ER having a claw hammer removed from his skull. Maybe we can see what perhaps you can't: he's abusing you in every way he can get away with, just like a snotty, spoiled teenager.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Thunder Bay
Posts: 186
I agree with what the others pointed out about escalation, I never thought of that aspect.
I agree with the others about him abusing your dog. That's one thing about RAH - even when he was in a drunk rage if the dog was nearby he lowered his voice so as not to scare him and would reassure him. If he had ever shown any kind of aggression towards Devo, I would have been in jail for sure.
I agree with the others about him abusing your dog. That's one thing about RAH - even when he was in a drunk rage if the dog was nearby he lowered his voice so as not to scare him and would reassure him. If he had ever shown any kind of aggression towards Devo, I would have been in jail for sure.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 282
so not funny...he was being mean. Little digs and tricks will only turn into bigger, worse ones. I hate to think of what he might do if he gets really ticked off. It makes me think back on some of the things my XABF did. he would break things, threaten my animals, anything that was mine was useless or stupid...and mind you, this was also when he was NOT drinking...
when he got wasted he would do mean things and some I probably don't even know about. I'm sure he ruined some of my things and probably threw stuff away that I wanted...when he came to get the rest of his stuff after he left me he left the door open and I know he did it on purpose so the cats would get out! he loved hot pepper sauce and would put it in everything. I hate it and he made sure to put extra in it when he knew I would be eating...what is it with the hot peppers?
And yes he acted 12 because that's the age he started using. I can't believe I put up with it for so long...please be careful...this isn't just a harmless prank...look at it as a barometer of bad weather to come.
when he got wasted he would do mean things and some I probably don't even know about. I'm sure he ruined some of my things and probably threw stuff away that I wanted...when he came to get the rest of his stuff after he left me he left the door open and I know he did it on purpose so the cats would get out! he loved hot pepper sauce and would put it in everything. I hate it and he made sure to put extra in it when he knew I would be eating...what is it with the hot peppers?
And yes he acted 12 because that's the age he started using. I can't believe I put up with it for so long...please be careful...this isn't just a harmless prank...look at it as a barometer of bad weather to come.
play the tape all the way thru
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Totally agree with FD. The part that really stood out to me in your post, was how he abuses your dog. I have two of my own and they are my babies.
Xabf was mean to them towards the end of our relationship when he figured out I really meant business and wanted him out. He would yell at them and suddenly show them no attention, but he never hit them or hurt them that I am aware of.
Please take care of yourself and your doggies. You all deserve SO much better then this drunk man.
Xabf was mean to them towards the end of our relationship when he figured out I really meant business and wanted him out. He would yell at them and suddenly show them no attention, but he never hit them or hurt them that I am aware of.
Please take care of yourself and your doggies. You all deserve SO much better then this drunk man.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
His comment was, "well, just kick me out". Not the first time I have heard that comment while he was consuming and I guess that is how women in his past have dealt with it so he's used to it and expecting it.
How long before that kind of passive-aggressive behavior flips over to plain ol' aggressive behavior. There's no telling what a poisoned mind will do.
Take care of you.
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