All over the place!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
All over the place!
It's been a while since I last posted. I feel like things are ok and I'm dealing with them, then I come crashing down and I'm not sure what hit me.
I have really been focusing on trying to let God handle all of this, but I'm pretty exhausted from trying NOT to control my path if that makes sense. Even as I'm typing this, I'll have a mini flash of panic, then I have to remind myself that it's in God's hands and it will be ok.
I have been doing a lot of writing lately and although that is supposed to help, it makes me more sad. I miss what I thought my life would look like. As odd as this sounds, I miss being with my ex even though I usually ran a distant fourth in his life when I was with him. I can't really make sense of this either. I was talking to a friend about a married couple we know. The marriage is so obviously wrong to both parties (and they know it), but for some reason I had a weird moment of jealousy. I told my friend I was jealous that our friend didn't have to look ever again and go through the bs of dating (which I'm totally not ready for yet anyway). She made the point that at least she never has to look again, but that just means she will never find the right person for her.
I guess you can tell I'm all over the place. I just wish that I could nail one thing down and not have it creep back up. I know being with someone will not make me complete and I have to do that on my own, but I miss being part of something.
Thanks for reading!
I have really been focusing on trying to let God handle all of this, but I'm pretty exhausted from trying NOT to control my path if that makes sense. Even as I'm typing this, I'll have a mini flash of panic, then I have to remind myself that it's in God's hands and it will be ok.
I have been doing a lot of writing lately and although that is supposed to help, it makes me more sad. I miss what I thought my life would look like. As odd as this sounds, I miss being with my ex even though I usually ran a distant fourth in his life when I was with him. I can't really make sense of this either. I was talking to a friend about a married couple we know. The marriage is so obviously wrong to both parties (and they know it), but for some reason I had a weird moment of jealousy. I told my friend I was jealous that our friend didn't have to look ever again and go through the bs of dating (which I'm totally not ready for yet anyway). She made the point that at least she never has to look again, but that just means she will never find the right person for her.
I guess you can tell I'm all over the place. I just wish that I could nail one thing down and not have it creep back up. I know being with someone will not make me complete and I have to do that on my own, but I miss being part of something.
Thanks for reading!
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Even though we know something isn't exactly good for us, it's comfortable because it's what we know. . . relationships that don't work are a perfect example of this.
It's going to take time, I know that's not always easy to accept. In this society of instant fixes, we wish there was a pill we could take, a surgery we could have or a product we can buy to fix anything and everything.
I would imagine that you are making progress, sometimes we're the last ones to see it. Being able to turn things over to God is a huge step for anyone! I know I always ask for God's help in dealing with situations and at times, when I don't get the result I want or an instant "sign," I don't think I'm doing a very good job of turning it over. Again, the instant gratification comes to mind.
I'd encourage you to continue to write. I know for me, it's a very healthy outlet for my thoughts and feelings. It also helps me to look back to things I wrote a while ago and I can see some progress I made . . even if it isn't as much as I would like to have made.
God Bless. . . Keep it Simple . . . One Day at A Time,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 208
Hang in there, NYC.
If at all possible, just stick to your essential footwork of life, whatever that is. Really try to be in the now.
I have recently been struggling with many of the feelings you describe and I find them unusual for me and awkward -- not to mention miserable!
But sharing about it helped and kind of broke the seal. You might find the same having opened up.
Being in the NOW was the biggest help for me. I was very much lamenting past situations and fearing the future (angry that I won't get what I want). Instead of trying to work all that out (come to peace with past and trust future), I realized I was not focusing on the PRESENT. So I broke it down to an hour at a time. I feel like I might be back up to one day at a time but I'm not rushing it.
In the present, I'm okay.
BTW, for me it had gone beyond feeling feelings (which is so important) and slipped into some old thinking pattern that is NOT healthy for me. So that's why it was time for me to bust in with something simple.
(((((hugs))))))
abc
If at all possible, just stick to your essential footwork of life, whatever that is. Really try to be in the now.
I have recently been struggling with many of the feelings you describe and I find them unusual for me and awkward -- not to mention miserable!
But sharing about it helped and kind of broke the seal. You might find the same having opened up.
Being in the NOW was the biggest help for me. I was very much lamenting past situations and fearing the future (angry that I won't get what I want). Instead of trying to work all that out (come to peace with past and trust future), I realized I was not focusing on the PRESENT. So I broke it down to an hour at a time. I feel like I might be back up to one day at a time but I'm not rushing it.
In the present, I'm okay.
BTW, for me it had gone beyond feeling feelings (which is so important) and slipped into some old thinking pattern that is NOT healthy for me. So that's why it was time for me to bust in with something simple.
(((((hugs))))))
abc
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 167
This website never stops amazing me, everytime I am really feeling something good or bad, I open to this and find myself in a simialr situation.....I am going thru the same thing right now..the more I read co dependent no more and really try to find my way, I end up more confused. I feel like I'm trying so hard, that something should happen, like "peace" will come falling out of the sky and land on my head. The advice you all have is always so right on...amazing really!
Last edited by freeflower; 06-12-2008 at 01:53 AM. Reason: swear word oops
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Hi NYC,
I really agree with serenity queen that we are such a quick-fix society we have lost the art of patience and faith. They say it takes at least two years to properly grieve a death of a loved one to the finish. I think this could also apply to grieving the loss of a serious, long-term relationship.
Add to that, our society is one where it appears that being in a relationship is the "goal" that we must work towards. That finding our bliss depends on being in love with another person. This makes the grieving process so much harder, in my opinion. Like if we are single, we aren't complete or we are missing something.
We also have become a society that does not keep extended family close in proximity and loyalty as in the past. For some, this was a necessary choice for survival. But with a healthy "normal" upbringing, family is whom one can lean on when feeling lost and alone. They are always present, always loyal and supportive, always there as a constant during times of struggle.
I wish you the gift of patience with yourself, and self-love, NYC. I wish for you the gift of living in the now, today, and not projecting too far in the future, as Abcdefg said. I wish for you the moment when your grieving is done, that you are sick and tired of being sad and living in the past, or sick and tired of mourning a future you had planned in your mind.
I'm glad you came here with your pain, and that you have a friend with whom you can also share these feelings. I think that sharing your feelings helps get them out of your head and allows room then for you to begin thinking in new ways. Sometimes we are our worst enemy in this process of realizing that it is the old thought-patterns that are keeping us from truly enjoying life and being open for change. Good luck in the grieving process, and I hope you enter a transitional phase in your life soon, but not before every lesson you were supposed to have learned from this recent journey is discovered.
I really agree with serenity queen that we are such a quick-fix society we have lost the art of patience and faith. They say it takes at least two years to properly grieve a death of a loved one to the finish. I think this could also apply to grieving the loss of a serious, long-term relationship.
Add to that, our society is one where it appears that being in a relationship is the "goal" that we must work towards. That finding our bliss depends on being in love with another person. This makes the grieving process so much harder, in my opinion. Like if we are single, we aren't complete or we are missing something.
We also have become a society that does not keep extended family close in proximity and loyalty as in the past. For some, this was a necessary choice for survival. But with a healthy "normal" upbringing, family is whom one can lean on when feeling lost and alone. They are always present, always loyal and supportive, always there as a constant during times of struggle.
I wish you the gift of patience with yourself, and self-love, NYC. I wish for you the gift of living in the now, today, and not projecting too far in the future, as Abcdefg said. I wish for you the moment when your grieving is done, that you are sick and tired of being sad and living in the past, or sick and tired of mourning a future you had planned in your mind.
I'm glad you came here with your pain, and that you have a friend with whom you can also share these feelings. I think that sharing your feelings helps get them out of your head and allows room then for you to begin thinking in new ways. Sometimes we are our worst enemy in this process of realizing that it is the old thought-patterns that are keeping us from truly enjoying life and being open for change. Good luck in the grieving process, and I hope you enter a transitional phase in your life soon, but not before every lesson you were supposed to have learned from this recent journey is discovered.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Just read this from the dailyom and thought it sounded appropriate for you, NYC.
DailyOM - The Death And Rebirth Of Self
DailyOM - The Death And Rebirth Of Self
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Milwaukee WI
Posts: 137
peaceteach, thank you so much for the Daily OM site. I read one on there called actions speak louder than words....it made me realize that I too am not doing what I am speaking and that is part of the problem too....I say stop drinking, I want you to leave, I can't take this anymore....but I have NEVER followed through with it, and he knows that, probably banks on it....I have to stop doing that. I am letting fear stand in my way and as long as I keep doing that things will never change. We just had this same conversation last night, I want to seperate, I can't live this way anymore, but felt like I really meant it...now I feel fearfull today, but don't want to back down.
I also told him last night about a bottle of whiskey that he had obviously "forgotten" that he had hidden as it has been there for a month, well, guess what, this morning it is gone, he was probably so excited that he found a "present"..............it should be just another reminder to me of what is going on and what this is all about.....please pray for me today that I can continue to follow through, this is not the life I want for myself and my daughter...........
I also told him last night about a bottle of whiskey that he had obviously "forgotten" that he had hidden as it has been there for a month, well, guess what, this morning it is gone, he was probably so excited that he found a "present"..............it should be just another reminder to me of what is going on and what this is all about.....please pray for me today that I can continue to follow through, this is not the life I want for myself and my daughter...........
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
You are still grieving the loss of the dream. Not so much the man himself but the dream life you had envisioned in your head.
This is what I received from my Joel Osteen daily email prayer...
It definitely came at the right time for me. Hope it helps you too.
This is what I received from my Joel Osteen daily email prayer...
Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
God is working behind the scenes in your life, today. No matter what you may be facing, no matter what trial your may be going through, God has a plan to turn things around in your favor. Right now, He is working out a plan for your good. Right now, He is orchestrating the right people to come across your path. He is orchestrating the right opportunities to open up to you. You may not see it in the natural, but look with your eyes of faith today. Keep standing. Keep believing. Keep hoping. Keep following His Word. Focus on His goodness in your life, knowing that He rewards the people who seek after Him. As you meditate on the faithfulness of God and show your love for Him by following His Word, you will see His plan come to pass. You’ll experience His peace and joy, and you will live in victory all the days of your life!
A Prayer for Today
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your faithfulness in my life. I trust that You are working behind the scenes on my behalf. Give me Your strength and peace today, and fill me with Your faith to overcome. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
God is working behind the scenes in your life, today. No matter what you may be facing, no matter what trial your may be going through, God has a plan to turn things around in your favor. Right now, He is working out a plan for your good. Right now, He is orchestrating the right people to come across your path. He is orchestrating the right opportunities to open up to you. You may not see it in the natural, but look with your eyes of faith today. Keep standing. Keep believing. Keep hoping. Keep following His Word. Focus on His goodness in your life, knowing that He rewards the people who seek after Him. As you meditate on the faithfulness of God and show your love for Him by following His Word, you will see His plan come to pass. You’ll experience His peace and joy, and you will live in victory all the days of your life!
A Prayer for Today
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your faithfulness in my life. I trust that You are working behind the scenes on my behalf. Give me Your strength and peace today, and fill me with Your faith to overcome. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Thanks everyone!
Today was a bit better. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night due to nightmares, but managed to function at work today regardless. I'm sure my boss appreciated that!
I had therapy tonight, which also helped. My therapist said she thought I was in a good place despite my misery in being here because it meant I was learning how to live a better life and take care of myself.
I guess the best way to describe how I feel now is kind of awkward. I realize just how much I was trying to control everything in life and I also realize how much energy I wasted trying to maintain control. I wish I had learned these lessons sooner, but everything happens for a reason, so here I am.
Today was a bit better. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night due to nightmares, but managed to function at work today regardless. I'm sure my boss appreciated that!
I had therapy tonight, which also helped. My therapist said she thought I was in a good place despite my misery in being here because it meant I was learning how to live a better life and take care of myself.
I guess the best way to describe how I feel now is kind of awkward. I realize just how much I was trying to control everything in life and I also realize how much energy I wasted trying to maintain control. I wish I had learned these lessons sooner, but everything happens for a reason, so here I am.
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