the first step
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 13
the first step
( I just realized this is the most appropriate forum for waht I am tring to communicate)
Where we admit our lives have become unmanageable.
What I don't get is exactly how we do it. Do we just meditate over that thought until something sinks in? Maybe it's the perfectionist in me that longs for something more manageable Get honest I'm far from that.
I'm in Al-Anon. And I can't get over the fact that it seems so silly that I could be affected by someone else's problem. Even if it was that long ago. So I guess I have to get over the "silliness". So I guess I'm in the seeing reality more clearly stage. Yes I was affected by a disease, now let's get on with it. There's nothing silly about it. Yes, I have been known to be a drama queen but the presence of this disease in my life does not make me a victim looking for excuses to explain away all the bad things I do. It is a very real disease and I too am sick, even though you would never guess it from looking at my life on a sheet of paper.
I eat a lot when I'm in an unhealthy state. I'm not like overweight or anything. I think it has something to do with codependency, control, and the unwillingness to let go and let god. I guess that's what you'd call my coping mechanism?
I'm sick. I'm controlling and conniving. I get passive aggressive, angry, resentful. I hold things in. I say nothing is wrong when you ask me what's wrong, just so I can hold onto that negativity for as long as possible.
Am I still inbetween? I guess so. I guess I'm almost envious of addicts and alchoholics because it's so black and white. The presence of X defines your sobriety. I guess for Al Anon... sobriety can be harder to define. So many more gray areas. I'm jealous of the black and white definitions. The gray makes it so much easier to cheat.
Thanks for listening.
Where we admit our lives have become unmanageable.
What I don't get is exactly how we do it. Do we just meditate over that thought until something sinks in? Maybe it's the perfectionist in me that longs for something more manageable Get honest I'm far from that.
I'm in Al-Anon. And I can't get over the fact that it seems so silly that I could be affected by someone else's problem. Even if it was that long ago. So I guess I have to get over the "silliness". So I guess I'm in the seeing reality more clearly stage. Yes I was affected by a disease, now let's get on with it. There's nothing silly about it. Yes, I have been known to be a drama queen but the presence of this disease in my life does not make me a victim looking for excuses to explain away all the bad things I do. It is a very real disease and I too am sick, even though you would never guess it from looking at my life on a sheet of paper.
I eat a lot when I'm in an unhealthy state. I'm not like overweight or anything. I think it has something to do with codependency, control, and the unwillingness to let go and let god. I guess that's what you'd call my coping mechanism?
I'm sick. I'm controlling and conniving. I get passive aggressive, angry, resentful. I hold things in. I say nothing is wrong when you ask me what's wrong, just so I can hold onto that negativity for as long as possible.
Am I still inbetween? I guess so. I guess I'm almost envious of addicts and alchoholics because it's so black and white. The presence of X defines your sobriety. I guess for Al Anon... sobriety can be harder to define. So many more gray areas. I'm jealous of the black and white definitions. The gray makes it so much easier to cheat.
Thanks for listening.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Hi Dolphy,
For me, I know I am having a "slip" when a problem or situation takes up more than a reasonable amount of brain space. Recovery has taught me to run stuff thru a set of quick questions: is this really my problem? what is my part? am I keeping my side of the street clean? Do I need to make an amend?
If I am dwelling on a situation or a person (or both) to the point where I am angry or anxious, I have most likely lost my balance, and that means my life has once again become unmanageable That's when I call an Al Anon friend, pick up some literature to read, or come here to SR. AND I hand whatever IT is over to my Higher Power. I'm always on step one.... always. Every day I come across yet another something or someone in my life over which I am powerless.
There's a step study in the stickies of the Friends & Family of Substance Abusers. You might want to go over there and check it out. Each step is posted separately and most of the information there comes from Paths to Recovery ~ a great Al Anon book.
For me, I know I am having a "slip" when a problem or situation takes up more than a reasonable amount of brain space. Recovery has taught me to run stuff thru a set of quick questions: is this really my problem? what is my part? am I keeping my side of the street clean? Do I need to make an amend?
If I am dwelling on a situation or a person (or both) to the point where I am angry or anxious, I have most likely lost my balance, and that means my life has once again become unmanageable That's when I call an Al Anon friend, pick up some literature to read, or come here to SR. AND I hand whatever IT is over to my Higher Power. I'm always on step one.... always. Every day I come across yet another something or someone in my life over which I am powerless.
There's a step study in the stickies of the Friends & Family of Substance Abusers. You might want to go over there and check it out. Each step is posted separately and most of the information there comes from Paths to Recovery ~ a great Al Anon book.
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
Originally Posted by dolphy 
I guess I'm almost envious of addicts and alchoholics because it's so black and white. The presence of X defines your sobriety. I guess for Al Anon... sobriety can be harder to define. So many more gray areas. I'm jealous of the black and white definitions. The gray makes it so much easier to cheat.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for listening.
Alcohol is only a symptom of my disease. Abstaining from alcohol doesn't treat the disease, it merely alleviates a symptom.
About step one (from my AA perspective)...
We were just discussing this last night. If my life was so unmanageable, then how was I able to hold a job, never get arrested, etc.?
If one defines living a sucessful life as having a good job, owning a home, having a spouse, a child, 2 cars, and income enough to buy things I want but don't need - my life was hardly unmanageable.
If one, however, defines living a sucessful life as having respect for others, honesty, integrity, and making meaningful connections with others - I didn't even come close.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hiya dolphy-
welcome.
Wow, lotta spot-on practcial and applicable wisdom in Catspajamas post! Thanks Cats!
I think feeling like AlAnon is silly is just one of the many ways our mind uses Denial to not face things. I had anger for a while in AlAnon - it just made me so angry that I had to deal with this disease in my family. It was so unfair! Such a drag!
Doesn't matter. Reality is where its at and if the reality is that someone's alcoholism has affected you then its best to accept it and start the work of creating the new better future you.
I'm sick. I'm controlling and conniving. I get passive aggressive, angry, resentful. I hold things in. I say nothing is wrong when you ask me what's wrong, just so I can hold onto that negativity for as long as possible.
Well I think it is a good start that you can name all these behaviors so specifically! Lotta people can't see themselves so clearly. In AlAnon I learned to just choose one defect - like pick any of the ones you listed, just one - and work on changing it or letting it go. Baby steps accumulate and soon you have traveled a great distance!
I guess I'm almost envious of addicts and alchoholics because it's so black and white. The presence of X defines your sobriety. I guess for Al Anon... sobriety can be harder to define. So many more gray areas.
Wow, I am grateful every day that I am not an alcoholic or addict. Every day. I look at all my problems, all my dreams, all the obstacles I have to overcome and I think, Man, if I was ALSO battling the compulsion to drink? What misery. Ugggghhh- makes me shudder. Don't think that alcoholics get sober and yipppeeee they have no problems. Sober is hopefully when the hard work of RECOVERY starts - stuff they have been putting off all their years of drinking.
I love my clean non-addicted brain and body. They are so good to me! So I try to take good care of them in return.,,, we only have ourselves so we have to learn to work with ourselves and our own strengths. Many people - myself included, arrive at AlAnon not really knowing who they are or what they actually specifically want out of their lives. They haven't invested the time to get to know themselves and are kind of adrift once they start letting go of "knowing" everyone else.
Easy does it. It's great that you're seeking and accepting help through AlAnon and here at SR....it will be so worth all your efforts!
Peace,
B.
welcome.
Wow, lotta spot-on practcial and applicable wisdom in Catspajamas post! Thanks Cats!
I think feeling like AlAnon is silly is just one of the many ways our mind uses Denial to not face things. I had anger for a while in AlAnon - it just made me so angry that I had to deal with this disease in my family. It was so unfair! Such a drag!
Doesn't matter. Reality is where its at and if the reality is that someone's alcoholism has affected you then its best to accept it and start the work of creating the new better future you.
I'm sick. I'm controlling and conniving. I get passive aggressive, angry, resentful. I hold things in. I say nothing is wrong when you ask me what's wrong, just so I can hold onto that negativity for as long as possible.
Well I think it is a good start that you can name all these behaviors so specifically! Lotta people can't see themselves so clearly. In AlAnon I learned to just choose one defect - like pick any of the ones you listed, just one - and work on changing it or letting it go. Baby steps accumulate and soon you have traveled a great distance!
I guess I'm almost envious of addicts and alchoholics because it's so black and white. The presence of X defines your sobriety. I guess for Al Anon... sobriety can be harder to define. So many more gray areas.
Wow, I am grateful every day that I am not an alcoholic or addict. Every day. I look at all my problems, all my dreams, all the obstacles I have to overcome and I think, Man, if I was ALSO battling the compulsion to drink? What misery. Ugggghhh- makes me shudder. Don't think that alcoholics get sober and yipppeeee they have no problems. Sober is hopefully when the hard work of RECOVERY starts - stuff they have been putting off all their years of drinking.
I love my clean non-addicted brain and body. They are so good to me! So I try to take good care of them in return.,,, we only have ourselves so we have to learn to work with ourselves and our own strengths. Many people - myself included, arrive at AlAnon not really knowing who they are or what they actually specifically want out of their lives. They haven't invested the time to get to know themselves and are kind of adrift once they start letting go of "knowing" everyone else.
Easy does it. It's great that you're seeking and accepting help through AlAnon and here at SR....it will be so worth all your efforts!
Peace,
B.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by justanothrdrunk
If one, however, defines living a sucessful life as having respect for others, honesty, integrity, and making meaningful connections with others - I didn't even come close.
Catspajamas- thanks for the directing me to the step study forum =)
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