daisyjen

it may still be far off though...

I went to my 1st psych appt on Friday, and it went wonderfully... The dr is also ACOA and seems to understands codependency well. I am actually looking forward to more sessions, because I can feel my health within reach now.

My dilemma? RAH left a loving card and chocolate in my car before my appt. I was pretty stressed and worried about the appt so I didnt call him right away to thank him. (Lately, I see these little gestures as possible manipulation, but I could be wrong.) After the appt, I had a VERY full day of errands with the kids and stuff. RAH left messages on my phone and when I got back to him I forgot about mentioning the card and candy. He mainly was pressuring me to visit his family a few hrs away with the kids and him this wkend. Since we arent getting along well and his interfering family knows about my emotional affair with another man, I did not feel comfortable going and told him so numerous times earlier. He asked the Dr's take on it. Well, the Dr felt that we should not put more stress on our already strained marriage and that I should avoid going.

RAH wanted to know what else was said and I told him that it was my personal appt and I didnt want to go over everything with him. He called me a B*itch and hung up on me.

Later last night, as I was getting ready for bed, he told me that he really felt I needed to go and just face his family. He said it is necessary for my healing and would make him feel better. I said it would make me feel bad and I was not going.

Well, all hell broke loose... He yelled, called me names, said I was a disgrace and dispicable and that he would see a lawyer Monday to get our divorce started and that I needed to get my stuff out of the house by Sunday. He mentioned that I never thanked him for the candy and I am unappreciative of him. Instead of moving to another bedroom, (he'd just follow and continue his rant) I went to a hotel for the night. Apparently, he took the kids to visit his family today, while I spent today with my sister.

Kindeyes

DJ
I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this right now.
gentle hugs

hadenoughnow

So sorry to hear you are dealing with this. This is the kind of stuff my ex pulled when I started getting healthy. He is using your "emotional affair" (I don't really believe in the concept that emotional needs can be met by only one person in our lives and anything else is "cheating" but that's another subject) as an excuse to act out. My ex accused me of cheating, hiding money, and anything else he could think of many times, screaming at me to "come clean". It's all a ruse to keep the focus off them. It only ended when he moved out and I STILL get calls from him where he tries to start this type of crap. I just remind him that what I do is no longer his business and that speaking to him is optional and hang up.

daisyjen

So Sunday afternoon, he and the boys came home from their visit with family. I avoided RAH at all cost for the rest of the day. Monday morning, as I am arriving at work, he calls and badgers me again. I tell him that he is upsetting me and I dont want to go into work upset, but he continues on. Finally when I realize how badly my hands are shaking, I tell him I gotta go and hang up. My boss could see I was upset and reminded me to take deep breaths... Well, within 30 minutes I had a full blown anxiety attack. I work directly with patients so this is NOT a good thing, especially for that reason. And I had been taking Xanax 3 times a day since Friday. Imagine if I hadnt!!! A few hrs later, RAH shows up at my job - get this- so I could take him to lunch since it was his bday!! I said No way, and told him about the anxiety attack. He was apologetic and acted concerned. My boss later told me to tell him he is not welcome at the office unless he has an appt with him. Now RAH is acting the ever-loving husband, deeply concerned for my mental health...

If he'd just leave me alone, I'd be fine!!! Why doesnt he get that???:wtf2

Barbara52

It may be that he sees you making steps toward personal growth and that he sees that as a threat to him. Set those boundaries and remain detached from his drama.

peaceteach

I'm with Barb 100% on this. He doesn't really know what's up, but it's different and a little unnerving. But enough about him. That's the whole point of detachment, to realize YOU are totally allowed to focus just on you and what you need to do to help yourself regain serenity in your life. I would follow Barb's advice and keep the focus on you, not him. You're doing great