10 Day Challenge- Day #6 - Friday, June 6
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10 Day Challenge- Day #6 - Friday, June 6
Ok gang we've turned the corner only 4 more miles to go!
Let's meditate on Actions vs. Reactions
A reaction is defined as an action performed or feeling experienced in response to a stimulus (situation or event or words).
Reactions are often quick and impulsive. Reactions can be life-saving or they can get us in a whole heap of trouble!
An action is defined as an organized activity to accomplish an objective.
An action is a thought out process. You are still "doing" something, as in a reaction, but you have given thought to what you are doing and not simply using your instinctive nature. Action is not simply a response but a planned course.
I remember one of the first great discussions I heard in AlAnon many moons ago, was about how we choose to react - emphasizing that we have a choice. I loved this idea - and it felt immediately freeing! It also meant some cringing since I had to fully own all past knuckleheaded reactions!
So I went out in the world ready to choose my reactions!! But I had to develop a system, man. I had to develop a way of STOPPING the impulsive reaction so I had time to to choose the way I wanted to react. That was the tricky part. Still tricky! I know some people on here have shared the very very wise one syllable space provider: "Oh." and "Hmmmmmmmm" These are both useful in buyng time before reacting. But what about when emotions are running high? Anyone have tips?
Action is the antidote to so many situations where we find ourselves making poor reactions. Often it is because we didn't take appropriate timely action that we find ourselves on the hot seat and reacting. We also all know that actions speak to the true heart and behavior of a person. Words do not. Only actions show us what the real deal is. So in applying that to ourselves what are our actions? How do they reveal ourselves to ourselves?
Happy Trails,
B.
Let's meditate on Actions vs. Reactions
A reaction is defined as an action performed or feeling experienced in response to a stimulus (situation or event or words).
Reactions are often quick and impulsive. Reactions can be life-saving or they can get us in a whole heap of trouble!
An action is defined as an organized activity to accomplish an objective.
An action is a thought out process. You are still "doing" something, as in a reaction, but you have given thought to what you are doing and not simply using your instinctive nature. Action is not simply a response but a planned course.
I remember one of the first great discussions I heard in AlAnon many moons ago, was about how we choose to react - emphasizing that we have a choice. I loved this idea - and it felt immediately freeing! It also meant some cringing since I had to fully own all past knuckleheaded reactions!
So I went out in the world ready to choose my reactions!! But I had to develop a system, man. I had to develop a way of STOPPING the impulsive reaction so I had time to to choose the way I wanted to react. That was the tricky part. Still tricky! I know some people on here have shared the very very wise one syllable space provider: "Oh." and "Hmmmmmmmm" These are both useful in buyng time before reacting. But what about when emotions are running high? Anyone have tips?
Action is the antidote to so many situations where we find ourselves making poor reactions. Often it is because we didn't take appropriate timely action that we find ourselves on the hot seat and reacting. We also all know that actions speak to the true heart and behavior of a person. Words do not. Only actions show us what the real deal is. So in applying that to ourselves what are our actions? How do they reveal ourselves to ourselves?
Happy Trails,
B.
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There is some very good stuff about this in the book "What Happy People Know" by Dan Baker, founder of Canyon Ranch.
He emphasizes that happy people are in charge of their own life. They make choices and they realize that they are making choices. Feeling empowered and in charge of your own life leads to happiness, even when things are not how you want them to be.
There is also some really good information in the book about how fear and our reactions to it are nearly always the cause of our unhappiness. I don't have the book handy right now, but will try to summarize what I remember.
There are basically three parts or "systems" in our brain. The first part is the brain stem or "reptilian" brain. This is the basest part of the brain which controls our survival instincts and where the "fight or flight" reaction comes from. The second part of the brain is the amygdala or "mammalian" brain. This is the part that stores emotions and memories. The third part, which is unique to humans, is the neocortex. This is the reasoning part of the brain and also the seat of the human spirit.
So, when something happens, our brain processes the input sequentially. First the brain stem decides if our survival is at stake sends us messages about that. Then the amygdala compares the situation to things that have happened in the past and what the results were. Finally, our neocortex evaluates the situation rationally and uses our conscious awareness to decide what to do about it. Even though all this happens almost instantaneously, if we react quickly, we are likely going to react from one of the two "lower" parts of the brain. By not doing anything for a short time (seconds are all that's needed), we allow the neocortex to get involved and our higher self can then take control of the situation and tell the lower parts of the brain essentially to "calm down." This is why the old adage of "counting to ten" is so effective.
Maybe when I go home for lunch I will get out the book and post some quotes from it. But, this is the essence of it.
L
He emphasizes that happy people are in charge of their own life. They make choices and they realize that they are making choices. Feeling empowered and in charge of your own life leads to happiness, even when things are not how you want them to be.
There is also some really good information in the book about how fear and our reactions to it are nearly always the cause of our unhappiness. I don't have the book handy right now, but will try to summarize what I remember.
There are basically three parts or "systems" in our brain. The first part is the brain stem or "reptilian" brain. This is the basest part of the brain which controls our survival instincts and where the "fight or flight" reaction comes from. The second part of the brain is the amygdala or "mammalian" brain. This is the part that stores emotions and memories. The third part, which is unique to humans, is the neocortex. This is the reasoning part of the brain and also the seat of the human spirit.
So, when something happens, our brain processes the input sequentially. First the brain stem decides if our survival is at stake sends us messages about that. Then the amygdala compares the situation to things that have happened in the past and what the results were. Finally, our neocortex evaluates the situation rationally and uses our conscious awareness to decide what to do about it. Even though all this happens almost instantaneously, if we react quickly, we are likely going to react from one of the two "lower" parts of the brain. By not doing anything for a short time (seconds are all that's needed), we allow the neocortex to get involved and our higher self can then take control of the situation and tell the lower parts of the brain essentially to "calm down." This is why the old adage of "counting to ten" is so effective.
Maybe when I go home for lunch I will get out the book and post some quotes from it. But, this is the essence of it.
L
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Good walking & thinking material!
I know that I was never able to just go in there with a wrench and fix my REactions. I had to practice, practice, practice new reactions, and learn how to walk away from any conflict in which I was letting my "reptilian brain" (thanks LTD) strike out.
Counting to ten is a lost art, but I'm trying to revive it
P.S. LTD I would like to practice my reactions at Canyon Ranch. Ooh la la.
I know that I was never able to just go in there with a wrench and fix my REactions. I had to practice, practice, practice new reactions, and learn how to walk away from any conflict in which I was letting my "reptilian brain" (thanks LTD) strike out.
Counting to ten is a lost art, but I'm trying to revive it
P.S. LTD I would like to practice my reactions at Canyon Ranch. Ooh la la.
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Originally Posted by GiveLove 
P.S. LTD I would like to practice my reactions at Canyon Ranch. Ooh la la.
L
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Here's some more from "What Happy People Know" which scientifically backs up what Bernadette said about reaction being a choice.
L
The panic that is created by the amygdala feeds upon istself and obliterates reason. Negative thoughts begin to come out of nowhere and overwhelm the neocortex. Fear begins to develop a life of its own. The brain, in effect, gets hijacked by fear.
But here is the saving grace of the situation: There is a moment--lasting approximately one-quarter of a second--when this hijacking can be prevented.
This quarter-second, first reported by the influential psychotherapist and author Rara Bennett-Goleman in Emotional Alchemy, was discovered by neurosurgeon Benjamin Libet. A number of years ago, Dr. Libet became interested in the possible existence of a lag time between when people get the urge to take action and when they actually take it. Therefore, he conducted a fascinating neurological experiment on patients undergoing certain brain surgeries, who were awake and alert. He asked them to move one of their fingers, while he electronically monitored their brain activity. That's when he found it--the life-changing quarter-second! There was a quarter-second delay, he discovered, between the urge to move the finger, and its actual movement.
This means that every urge you will ever have--including every fearful urge and every angry urge--contains a quarter-second window of opportunity in which you can disengage from that urge.
The significanace of this is extraordinary.
One-quarter of a second may not sound like much time, but in the arena of thought, it's a virtual eternity. It's more than enough time for you to choose to interpret perceptions differently.
This quarter-second is your ultimate power over perception.
It's enough time to realize that a loud noise isn't a bomb, that a stick in the grass isn't a snake, that a sarcastic remark wasn't intended to hurt you, or that slipping on a banana peel is funny instead of irritating.
In every moment of life, we have the option of being automatically reactive--and limiting our options to just fighting, fleeing, or freezing--or using the life-changing quarter-second to engage in choice and expand our options.
But here is the saving grace of the situation: There is a moment--lasting approximately one-quarter of a second--when this hijacking can be prevented.
This quarter-second, first reported by the influential psychotherapist and author Rara Bennett-Goleman in Emotional Alchemy, was discovered by neurosurgeon Benjamin Libet. A number of years ago, Dr. Libet became interested in the possible existence of a lag time between when people get the urge to take action and when they actually take it. Therefore, he conducted a fascinating neurological experiment on patients undergoing certain brain surgeries, who were awake and alert. He asked them to move one of their fingers, while he electronically monitored their brain activity. That's when he found it--the life-changing quarter-second! There was a quarter-second delay, he discovered, between the urge to move the finger, and its actual movement.
This means that every urge you will ever have--including every fearful urge and every angry urge--contains a quarter-second window of opportunity in which you can disengage from that urge.
The significanace of this is extraordinary.
One-quarter of a second may not sound like much time, but in the arena of thought, it's a virtual eternity. It's more than enough time for you to choose to interpret perceptions differently.
This quarter-second is your ultimate power over perception.
It's enough time to realize that a loud noise isn't a bomb, that a stick in the grass isn't a snake, that a sarcastic remark wasn't intended to hurt you, or that slipping on a banana peel is funny instead of irritating.
In every moment of life, we have the option of being automatically reactive--and limiting our options to just fighting, fleeing, or freezing--or using the life-changing quarter-second to engage in choice and expand our options.
Last edited by LaTeeDa; 06-06-2008 at 12:46 PM.
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Thanks so much LTD- that was really good to read. It is amazing how much they are discovering specifically about the brain nowadays.
I'm trying to develop mindfulness that would let me use that 1/4 second to not react and THINK.
Age is definitely helping with this! Everything is getting just a wee bit slower.
On my walk I thought that for me reaction gets caught up with justification. Like when I react unthinkingly and then have a thought of regret or ooooh I could've handled this better - my mind will automatically go to the justification step. Well, He said/did this so what was I supposed to do....always looking for a way to justify my reactions.
Now if I develop more tools to help me pause and then act from a centered place, from a pool of well thought out and healthy modes of behavior, that'd go a long way toward maintaining my serenity and mental health. It felt kind of daunting to consider that I could become mindful enough to always have a 1/4 second to make sure I'm pointing in the right direction. But it kind of inspired me too, it is a challenge!
I think I can start with being mindful that I am really listening. Really listening, especially when situations get uncomfortable or heated to continue to listen not just hear and react.
Mindfully Yours,
B.
I'm trying to develop mindfulness that would let me use that 1/4 second to not react and THINK.
Age is definitely helping with this! Everything is getting just a wee bit slower.
On my walk I thought that for me reaction gets caught up with justification. Like when I react unthinkingly and then have a thought of regret or ooooh I could've handled this better - my mind will automatically go to the justification step. Well, He said/did this so what was I supposed to do....always looking for a way to justify my reactions.
Now if I develop more tools to help me pause and then act from a centered place, from a pool of well thought out and healthy modes of behavior, that'd go a long way toward maintaining my serenity and mental health. It felt kind of daunting to consider that I could become mindful enough to always have a 1/4 second to make sure I'm pointing in the right direction. But it kind of inspired me too, it is a challenge!
I think I can start with being mindful that I am really listening. Really listening, especially when situations get uncomfortable or heated to continue to listen not just hear and react.
Mindfully Yours,
B.
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