Stupid
 

Can't believe I did that, posted a link to the thread "Latest-little long" to the exaso, and she read it, among other things she doesn't seem to have a high opinion of the folks here, no surprise. I was just going to share something and the thought occurred to me that she can now read everything I post. I do not want to give up my nym. Maybe it's time to get a therapist.




:skillet

Therapist? It was a good idea for me. Maybe it's also time to stop calling yourself stupid and other derogatory names. Maybe it's also time to stop purchasing tickets for a ride on the roller coaster. Then again, maybe it's not time yet. We all reach bottom when we reach it, not one second sooner.

L

Forgive me if it doesn't exactly hurt my feelings that she doesn't like us. Alcoholics rarely approve when their subjects, er, victims, er, loved ones seek help.

When you're ready to jettison this madness, you will (anvil got me started on the nautical references, sorry......) You seem like a nice guy, sailorjohn. Hope you find your way off the rollercoaster soon.

I for one am not really worried about the opinoin others have of me, it's the opinion I have of myself that matters, I spent too long wondering what X person would think if I did Y deed and it almost drove me batty.

I understand your reluctance to share though and thats not a good thing IMO, I need this place to share, I don't have anywhere else at the moment and sharing things is a big part of me looking out for me. I think even if you changed your name she'd know who you were though.

One thing sticks in my head from my early days here and that is 'nothing changes if nothing changes'

I made the changes I needed to make, I stopped getting caught up in madness and rollercoasters, I detached. It honestly changed my life for the better.

Awww darn, that's too bad because I'm a real people-pleaser and it totally ruins my day to know that someone doesn't think highly of me! :codiepolice

Rest assured though that she probably won't return much to read your posts.
Having to look in the mirror and recognize our character defects is usually a real bummer. My kids told me that my ex showed up at my AA club one day, but she never returned after that. No surprise there!

Be gentle on yourself John. I've had the urge many times to send my ex a link to some of my SR posts, but it's just another can-o-worms I don't need to open. Besides, taking her inventory only backfires on me every time.

Have you ever tried attending CoDA meetings? My daily AA meetings keep me sober and therapy has certainly opened my eyes to the issues I couldn't look within and see, but it's my weekly CoDA meetings that breathe life into my recovery and give me glimpses of hope for healthy relationships in the future.

Sorry everyone, just noticed I left out one important bit of information, I sent her the email on Saturday afternoon. And in the future, I'm going to try to limit my posts to talking about myself.

that might not be a bad thing for you John, to keep the focus on yourself.

heh - heck, XABF once signed on...as ME! I changed my password, kept my name...but aaaaaanyway...

If he reads what I write - whatever. If he doesn't - whatever. It's MY life and I don't need his approval or criticism and it doesn't hold any weight anyway.

Of course I didn't simply feel that way overnight - I did a lot of work through reading, journaling, Al-anon and worked with a therapist who helped me work some deep seeded issues to the surface so I could deal with them, put them aside and move on.

I'm glad I had the no contact with XABF - kept me from saying things I now would regret and would keep me ensnared in a no-win battle where if I actually won, would only be phyrric in the end. I totally agree with ASTRO - taking someone else's inventory only backfires...We've all done it - so go easy on yourself, k?
:)

Therapy has done wonders for me. Every time I go I learn something new and feel empowered. Good luck SJ. . .