Epiphany!
Yield beautiful changes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,698
Epiphany!
Someone once told me to take all the attention that I had been putting towards my A and put it towards myself.
Focus on my issues.
At the time it sounded only marginally helpful and (frankly) somewhat insulting.
I thought: Sure, I may have some issues, but they are NOTHING compared to my A's problems.
Even when I really started going to Al-Anon and counseling, I still saw myself as the hero/victim (depending on the day) in some tragic play.
Look at what has been done to me!
Look at how he is acting!
I got to be the innocent bystander. The wide-eyed little girl who never saw it coming. The smart and decisive mother who refused to allow her son to suffer from his father's mistakes.
He was bad. I was good. It was simple.
Now, time and recovery are changing that perspective.
Life is not simple - neither is alcoholism or codependency.
At first this was a very scary realization, but now, with the ability to focus an honest (and forgiving) eye at myself, I have more freedom and peace than I have known in a very long time.
Best wishes to everyone here.
-TC
Focus on my issues.
At the time it sounded only marginally helpful and (frankly) somewhat insulting.
I thought: Sure, I may have some issues, but they are NOTHING compared to my A's problems.
Even when I really started going to Al-Anon and counseling, I still saw myself as the hero/victim (depending on the day) in some tragic play.
Look at what has been done to me!
Look at how he is acting!
I got to be the innocent bystander. The wide-eyed little girl who never saw it coming. The smart and decisive mother who refused to allow her son to suffer from his father's mistakes.
He was bad. I was good. It was simple.
Now, time and recovery are changing that perspective.
Life is not simple - neither is alcoholism or codependency.
At first this was a very scary realization, but now, with the ability to focus an honest (and forgiving) eye at myself, I have more freedom and peace than I have known in a very long time.
Best wishes to everyone here.
-TC
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Don't you just love those moments when the light bulb goes on! I've had many of those in the last year and a half. The changes I have made have helped my relationship with my A son but have also enhanced my relationships with friends, at home, and at work.
I'm glad to hear that you are doing well and are finding serenity! Keep working it.
gentle hugs
I'm glad to hear that you are doing well and are finding serenity! Keep working it.
gentle hugs
I Finally Love My Life!!!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 648
Originally Posted by ToughChoices 
At first this was a very scary realization, but now, with the ability to focus an honest (and forgiving) eye at myself, I have more freedom and peace than I have known in a very long time.
CONGRATS on the epiphany and I love your post
Some people never see it and go on for the rest of their lives wondering why people treat them so poorly. I remember feeling rather freaked when I saw exactly how big a role codependency played in my life and the things I needed to do in order to change that - I didn't know if it could be done! But, I had some ex-codependents here remind me it IS possible, to take it a day at a time and that recovery is recovery - not a goal with a finish line, but a path we walk on, rules we live by and a way of life.
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