Hello again - An update for you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: QLD, Australia
Posts: 22
Hello again - An update for you
I truly wanted to thank all of you who replied to my previous thread and gave me some great advise.
You advise to me was to detach, pray and to do nothing.
Believe me that was some of the hardest advice I have ever received. How to detach and to do nothing was just incomprehensible to me.
I absorbed your advice and applied it. It was so hard at first, but hubby and I over a period of about a week, got it together and started to detach and to stop what was automatic for us.
We stopped asking questions and being involved in her daily routine. You should have seen me at times. I literally had to put my hand on my mouth to stop the question for coming. It was quite funny actually. I would go out to talk with her, and found myself stopping, and turning around to go and do something else. But with time and practice we did it.
I have some wonderful news for you. She still has a drink every now and then but believe me her entire world has changed. She no longer is willing to be involved in the bad behaviour of others and when people try to coax her into continue drinking she now sincerely tells them to back off. That she has had enough. She hasn't been drunk for about 3 weeks or so. It was her birthday the other day, and she only had a couple of drinks with a lot of food. It was so good to see.
She did tell me that she is over it. Had enough of wasting her life away and being intoxicated all the time. I told her I was proud of her.
My hubby and I are so thankful for what you gave us. We had tried everything else in our power to save her, but the answer was not quite what we expected. The answer was NOTHING.
Wow, I just cannot believe it was this simple. Our stress level have certainly decreased, we don't lie awake at night waiting for her, we no longer worry like we did, and both he and I have actually found each other again. It is wonderful.
So thank you for "NOTHING".
: I have often said this in a sarcastic way, but I really do mean this. Thank you.
:ghug3:
You advise to me was to detach, pray and to do nothing.
Believe me that was some of the hardest advice I have ever received. How to detach and to do nothing was just incomprehensible to me.
I absorbed your advice and applied it. It was so hard at first, but hubby and I over a period of about a week, got it together and started to detach and to stop what was automatic for us.
We stopped asking questions and being involved in her daily routine. You should have seen me at times. I literally had to put my hand on my mouth to stop the question for coming. It was quite funny actually. I would go out to talk with her, and found myself stopping, and turning around to go and do something else. But with time and practice we did it.
I have some wonderful news for you. She still has a drink every now and then but believe me her entire world has changed. She no longer is willing to be involved in the bad behaviour of others and when people try to coax her into continue drinking she now sincerely tells them to back off. That she has had enough. She hasn't been drunk for about 3 weeks or so. It was her birthday the other day, and she only had a couple of drinks with a lot of food. It was so good to see.
She did tell me that she is over it. Had enough of wasting her life away and being intoxicated all the time. I told her I was proud of her.
My hubby and I are so thankful for what you gave us. We had tried everything else in our power to save her, but the answer was not quite what we expected. The answer was NOTHING.
Wow, I just cannot believe it was this simple. Our stress level have certainly decreased, we don't lie awake at night waiting for her, we no longer worry like we did, and both he and I have actually found each other again. It is wonderful.
So thank you for "NOTHING".
: I have often said this in a sarcastic way, but I really do mean this. Thank you.:ghug3:
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
There is a saying ... " hands off the addict " it seems to have been the best course in your family.
Clearly, it helped to stop focusing on her and her needs to keep focused on your own.
Thanks for reminding us that the simpliest act of doing nothing is often the best.
Those of us who are use to taking control need lots of practice here. I have found this to be the best many times as well.
Clearly, it helped to stop focusing on her and her needs to keep focused on your own.
Thanks for reminding us that the simpliest act of doing nothing is often the best.
Those of us who are use to taking control need lots of practice here. I have found this to be the best many times as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: QLD, Australia
Posts: 22
Yes SS, I am one who likes to be in control too, but lessons are learnt every day. Sometimes we just need to let go. I just wish that I knew this years ago, but obviously I wasn't quite ready for it back then. Everything for a reason they say.
To be honest, it is so good to let go of what was not mine to own. To turn that focus back to myself and my hubby was amazing in itself. It was like, who are you??
We are like a pair of kids again and if either one of us slips and starts asking questions, we pull each other up and say Na, not our concern. It has been good to renew our relationship with each other after years of focusing on her. So goooood!!!
To be honest, it is so good to let go of what was not mine to own. To turn that focus back to myself and my hubby was amazing in itself. It was like, who are you??
We are like a pair of kids again and if either one of us slips and starts asking questions, we pull each other up and say Na, not our concern. It has been good to renew our relationship with each other after years of focusing on her. So goooood!!!
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