Bernadette

OK Challengers here we go on day 2.

I've been thinking alot about acceptance. About how acceptance of reality allows for action and how denial is paralyzing. Acceptance of what "is" with neither exaggeration nor downplaying. Just the facts.

Eckhart Tolle says:
Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, “I am ruined” is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. “I have fifty cents left in my bank account” is a fact.

from Dr. Nathanial Branden
"Accepting does not necessarily mean 'liking,' 'enjoying,' or 'condoning.' I can accept what is—and be determined to evolve from there. It is not acceptance but denial that leaves me stuck."

Day #2: Let's all meditate on pathways to Acceptance. How can we help ourselves accept the A's situation & behaviors, without resentment, denial, or attempts to alter it? How can we see and accept ourselves as we are? How can acceptance lead to action?

Happy Trails-
B.

Kindeyes

B
I missed Day #1. Darnit. Acceptance is one I am constantly working on so I'll give it a lot of thought on my walk!
thx!

Bernadette

Well I was not able to walk until an hour ago...last bits of sun and moody sky.

I have to accept that my brothers ARE as far gone as they are.
I have to accept that they won't be the cool fun role-model uncles in my sons' lives that I had expected they were capable of being.
I have to accept that I cannot be around them very long nowadays and I cannot really answer their calls anymore because I may still be vulnerable to hijacking.
I have to accept that I cannot help my baby brother. The only help he ever asks for is the kind that leads to me being the enabler.
I have to accept that they both may die, today, from this disease.
I have to accept this sadness that comes with these acceptances!!!!

I have to accept that my mother is too old to change!
And I have to accept that I am not too old to change and if I want it I better get on it!!!

I have had to accept these same things in the past. But it seems the mind wanders and wishes things weren't so.
Denial.

I didn't get any real insights about the connection between acceptance and action. But I do feel like acceptance is like letting go of denial and it is very calming. Very calming. Even in its sometime sadness it is a calming sensation to just accept what is.

I have to accept that I still have work to do on myself. That I still haven't gotten a handle on all my triggers.

I have to accept that my problems/issues/reactions are my own, to change or continue to suffer at my own choosing.

And I accept that I am allowed to falter, stumble, struggle. But no excuses. No denial.

So....kind of a heavy walk for me!!!! Boy, I brought this crap on myself!!!!!!

Looking forward to anyone's experience on their walk...
Peace,
B.

peaceteach

What an amazing, exhausting, and peaceful "walk" you had today. Literally learning how to keep putting one foot in front of the other and gaining wisdom during the journey. You poured out your deepest denials and shared from the soul, sister. I am very touched by this post

I am also, however, a lazy a$$ and much ashamed that I did not/have not walked yet nor even committed to walk-LOL!

But thanks so much for sharing with us tonight, B. Peace!

Barbara52

I had a break though in acceptance today. It has nothing to do with my current STBXAH. Its related to my first husband, the father of my 2 sons. My older son is totally alienated from his father and my younger son's relationship is faltering. From where I sit, my ex's actions and words have lead here and I've been predicting it since my sons were very young and we divorced.

I have struggled for years (but especially since my older son cut off all contact with his dad this past January) with taking on my sons' pain from the words and actions of their father and reacting with anger toward my ex.

I finally have accepted that their pain is not my pain, that I cannot protect them from this particular pain or other pain that life will undoubtedly throw at them. I accept their father as he is, a flawed human being just as I am a flawed human being. This acceptance has also allowed me to be able to finally forgive my first ex for the pain he has caused me and to recognize that I was the one to inflict that pain on myself in a lot of cases.

peaceteach

Wow again! Damn, Barb, good stuff....

FormerDoormat

I didn't logon until just now, so I focused on something different than acceptance. I focused on living the life I want to live.

Towards that goal, I spent an hour or so sitting on my front porch, reflecting on the life I have now versus the life I want to live while enjoying the warm sunshine on my face, the gentle breeze, the birds chirping, a robin building a nest in a nearby tree, the sound of children playing outside, a wasp building a mud tunnel, and reading Melody Beattie's book, "Finding Your Way Home." Here's an excerpt that particularly spoke to me (I've switched all occurrences of the word "we" and "our" with the words "I" and "my"):

"I want to find my purpose, my right place, the right people to live and work with, the right work to do. I want to do more than discover why I'm here; I want to be doing and living what I came here to do with the people I came here to do it with. I want to come into alignment with my highest good and destiny.

I want to discover and live my soul's purpose.

I want to bring out and use all the parts of me I've kept denied and tucked away. I don't want to hear anything more about what I can't do. I want to know what I can do, and then I want to do it. I want to stop exploiting and start exploring my gifts and talents, bringing them to the world.

And I want to enjoy doing it. I want to have fun. I'd like to make a little money, too. Maybe a lot. It's not that money is the most important thing. I don't want to be bought or sold. Selling my soul is what I want to stop doing. But I want enough. And maybe a little extra at the end of the month. I don't want to worry about money anymore.

I'd like to feel good, do my art, be of service, be with people I love, people of like mind, maybe experience some joy, bliss, and euphoria, too. I want to be part of a team of high-minded soul mates on a similar mission at work; I want a few friends who are truly friends--belong to a tribe of kindred souls; and I want more than a relationship--I want a passionate love relationship with my twin flame soul mate.

Or I want to be happy and comfortable being alone.

I've tired of feeling afraid and confused. I'd like to take some risks, but I'd like to feel safe, too. Protected. I want to live in a way that feels natural and right to me.

I want to be who I am, to be all that my soul came here to be.

I've tired of straitjackets, limitations, and selling my soul for money or security. I want to bust loose--set my soul free, be in the right place at the right time, fulfill my mission, dance with destiny, and watch the universe unfold at my feet.

I want enough drama and excitement to keep life interesting, but I want an abiding sense of peace underlying it all.

Karma and gravity have kept me bound and gagged long enough. I want to return to my spirtual roots. I want to learn how to fly."

baileyboop

I focused on acceptance of my own faults today. I usually tend to focus on the faults of others, but today was all about me. I accepted the faults I had in the breakdown of my marriage-mainly that I did enable him through provoking and continued to focus on his behavior while we were married instead of mine. They say that hindsight is 20/20, ya know..lol I accepted that at thsi time, this marriage was not meant to be, and that I was better off right now than I was when I was living with him. This was a huge step for me, mainly due to my religious upbringing on marriage and divorce. While, I still believe the same, I now accept that God will forgive me and that I must forgive myself in order to move on from here. I am working on accepting the need to change my lifestyle in order to accomodate the financial change. I have enjoyed the walks. I did go a different route today than yesterday..With the exception of one unrestrained, moody dog, my walk was extremely relaxing and peaceful. Thanks B for the neat idea.

Bernadette

"Literally learning how to keep putting one foot in front of the other and gaining wisdom during the journey"
PeaceTeach that's such a great way to put it...that turned my frown upside down!! ;-)

Hey B-52 amazing...that's some complicated and long-standing stuff!

And -Thanks FD for that inspiring message - I'm printing that out - I see I should get that book.

Hey Bailey- I struggled during and after my divorce because in my Catholic family it was the first one, like, ever! I felt like a failure, I really did. When I finally broke the news to my parents I felt like I was telling them I had failed high school or something. I was so scared. But my mother blew my mind (my mom - Queen Mother of Codies) she said, "Well B. it's time to put down the magnifying glass and look in the mirror!" It was the shove I needed to step out of my pity-pointing-finger-parade and face my own fault in the marriage...I chose to accept 50%. A full 50 - no more no less!!! Oy, that was hard (because for sure I just thought FOR SURE it was 95% HIM and 5% moi!!!) I had to wear myself down to accept that 50% - it was hard work with a therapist - but it was so worth the pain. I came to see my divorce as a great success and not a failure at all. The failure would have been to stay and self-destruct.

Thanks everyone for sharing & walking!!
Peace,
B.

Lilyflower

I got honest with myself. I have often thought this before but when met with certain situations my prelearned behaviours kick in, I really need to keep mindful of these things...

alot of my immediate reactions to people around me are biased and judgemental. For example over the weekend, two people on the bus were talking about a mobile phone they had 'found' (replace with stolen) it began to ring and then there was a big rush to remove the SIM card from inside and the pair laughed and joked about how they should keep the SIM out so that the phone cannot be blocked and they could get some money for it.

This made me feel repulsed by them. I didn't want to be near them and wanted to remove my daughter from their presence. I remember feeling a type of pride arising inside me, that I was a better person than they were because I do not act in that way etc.

I realised I need to accept that the world is full of beings that are lost and without direction, and that these people do not deserve my judgements or condemnation, but my compassion. I am fortunate to have developed into the type of person that I am today, I could've turned out very differently. Also that it is possible for a person to change their ways, therefore to dismiss someone under a certain label or stereotypical view is both prejudiced and unfair of me.

I wish to alter that side of me, and become a more humble person.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lilyflower

Anvil, your post brought a smile to my face! Hope you manage to get out of the rain and enjoy your walks!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

cmc

I didn't walk yesterday because I was feeling so fatigued that I fell asleep at around 6:30. Thankfully, I'm able to accept that sometimes it's just not a good time to go out, not get all upset over it and remember that I will continue my commitment to stay in shape despite a setback. Maybe I will go tonight.

cmc

Thanks FD,
To all of the above, in a nutshell to what Melody writes:...I'll have what she's having!