Lots of thoughts looming in my head...
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Lots of thoughts looming in my head...
As most of you know, I've been trying very hard to hand all of this over to God. I think I may have made some progress this weekend. I've particularly been struggling with how I thought my life was going to turn out and how it has turned out. A lot of this is tied to whether or not I would ever get married.
I went to the movies last night and some of it had to do with a wedding. Then today, I was watching some reality show that also had to do with a wedding. Oddly, it wasn't the same depressed feeling I had before. I wasn't thinking about the wedding at all for the first time, but thinking about the people getting married. In the reality show, you could see on the groom's face how much he really loved the woman he was marrying. So, it kind of hit me. I think a lot of my depression over being married had to do with the wedding and not necessarily the marriage if that makes sense.
In thinking about what I want for my life, I want a partner that loves and respects me. It wouldn't matter if I got married in jeans and a t-shirt if I was in a healthy and loving relationship. That all starts with me. I can't be in a healthy relationship until I understand who I am and why I am the way that I am.
I'm not saying I'm healed. Far from it, but I feel closer to being in a place where I can really let God's plan work for me and not try to take back control of the situation from him.
It's still a little scary, but I know I have to take care of myself and whatever is supposed to come into my life will.
I went to the movies last night and some of it had to do with a wedding. Then today, I was watching some reality show that also had to do with a wedding. Oddly, it wasn't the same depressed feeling I had before. I wasn't thinking about the wedding at all for the first time, but thinking about the people getting married. In the reality show, you could see on the groom's face how much he really loved the woman he was marrying. So, it kind of hit me. I think a lot of my depression over being married had to do with the wedding and not necessarily the marriage if that makes sense.
In thinking about what I want for my life, I want a partner that loves and respects me. It wouldn't matter if I got married in jeans and a t-shirt if I was in a healthy and loving relationship. That all starts with me. I can't be in a healthy relationship until I understand who I am and why I am the way that I am.
I'm not saying I'm healed. Far from it, but I feel closer to being in a place where I can really let God's plan work for me and not try to take back control of the situation from him.
It's still a little scary, but I know I have to take care of myself and whatever is supposed to come into my life will.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: newcastle upon tyne England
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i dont know your story ive only just found this forum, but if it makes you feel a bit better my wedding cost us £100, £33 for the license then we had to pay £33 each for the wedding, we then went off to the lake district for 2 days, which cost about £100, i loved my day, no i didnt have a the big fancy things, or the exotic honeymoon, but we had and still have each other and with gods blessing and thats all that matters at the end of the day 
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
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Originally Posted by jacki123 
i dont know your story ive only just found this forum, but if it makes you feel a bit better my wedding cost us £100, £33 for the license then we had to pay £33 each for the wedding, we then went off to the lake district for 2 days, which cost about £100, i loved my day, no i didnt have a the big fancy things, or the exotic honeymoon, but we had and still have each other and with gods blessing and thats all that matters at the end of the day
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
I like the way you are thinking, Lexus, and I agree totally. The big sha-bang has such a build-up and is so expensive. It seems smarter to put all that money towards a great honeymoon or a down-payment on a house.
As far as the future groom goes (LOL), think hard about this man, his family, his friendship towards yours, and his ability to put his children ahead of himself. It was so terribly difficult to NOT have another "adult" in the house to help with childcare, to act in crisis with a child ill, to help with decision making, to help with guiding teenagers along the right path. I know that is WAY out there in the future for people just thinking about marriage, but if you do want children, please pick a good man--for yourself and your future children.
As far as the future groom goes (LOL), think hard about this man, his family, his friendship towards yours, and his ability to put his children ahead of himself. It was so terribly difficult to NOT have another "adult" in the house to help with childcare, to act in crisis with a child ill, to help with decision making, to help with guiding teenagers along the right path. I know that is WAY out there in the future for people just thinking about marriage, but if you do want children, please pick a good man--for yourself and your future children.
play the tape all the way thru
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
I think I know what movie you're talking about lol..
You're doing great and it seems like you're making a lot of progress and realizing what is important regarding a life long partner. I think you're a great and wonderful person; that special man will come along when you're ready and you will know he is the one.
Sometimes weddings are just overrated anyway
You're doing great and it seems like you're making a lot of progress and realizing what is important regarding a life long partner. I think you're a great and wonderful person; that special man will come along when you're ready and you will know he is the one.
Sometimes weddings are just overrated anyway
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 208
NYC,
This is a very inspiring post. What amazing progress. It's a great statement of exactly where you are today. Such a lot of substance to be proud of -- I hope you feel it for yourself because you deserve it.
abc
This is a very inspiring post. What amazing progress. It's a great statement of exactly where you are today. Such a lot of substance to be proud of -- I hope you feel it for yourself because you deserve it.
abc
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 282
Originally Posted by peaceteach
I like the way you are thinking, Lexus, and I agree totally. The big sha-bang has such a build-up and is so expensive. It seems smarter to put all that money towards a great honeymoon or a down-payment on a house.
As far as the future groom goes (LOL), think hard about this man, his family, his friendship towards yours, and his ability to put his children ahead of himself. It was so terribly difficult to NOT have another "adult" in the house to help with childcare, to act in crisis with a child ill, to help with decision making, to help with guiding teenagers along the right path. I know that is WAY out there in the future for people just thinking about marriage, but if you do want children, please pick a good man--for yourself and your future children.
As far as the future groom goes (LOL), think hard about this man, his family, his friendship towards yours, and his ability to put his children ahead of himself. It was so terribly difficult to NOT have another "adult" in the house to help with childcare, to act in crisis with a child ill, to help with decision making, to help with guiding teenagers along the right path. I know that is WAY out there in the future for people just thinking about marriage, but if you do want children, please pick a good man--for yourself and your future children.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 208
there are definitely men who can put their children's needs first. they do exist. i have met them, known them.
but they're not gonna fight their way past the a**holes to get to us.
we have to say NO to the a**holes and make room for the decent men, who DO exist in this world, to come into our lives.
but they're not gonna fight their way past the a**holes to get to us.
we have to say NO to the a**holes and make room for the decent men, who DO exist in this world, to come into our lives.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Loner: I believe he does exist.
Admittedly I have seen few marriages that actually should have happened, but I can think of at least one that I know is right.
I am close friends with a woman I met in law school. She met her husband in law school with us. He is honestly a great guy. They got married two years ago. Yes, they have their problems (very minor in comparison to some I've seen), but he has always come through for her. They have a six month old baby now and he is an amazing father to his son. Many of us (other law school friends) have commented on how perfect they are for each other. Perfect to the point where we don't know who else would date them if they hadn't found each other.
I'm not out in fairly tale land. I realize there will be problems in any marriage, but if I work hard at my issues I think I will end up with the person God intends for me.
Admittedly I have seen few marriages that actually should have happened, but I can think of at least one that I know is right.
I am close friends with a woman I met in law school. She met her husband in law school with us. He is honestly a great guy. They got married two years ago. Yes, they have their problems (very minor in comparison to some I've seen), but he has always come through for her. They have a six month old baby now and he is an amazing father to his son. Many of us (other law school friends) have commented on how perfect they are for each other. Perfect to the point where we don't know who else would date them if they hadn't found each other.
I'm not out in fairly tale land. I realize there will be problems in any marriage, but if I work hard at my issues I think I will end up with the person God intends for me.
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Originally Posted by loner1968
Call me a downer but I honestly don't think this kind of man exists...Maybe I'm still too damaged to see the possibility. In my heart I feel that this is only a kind of wish we all have. I don't think the reality is very high.
The wedding to my husband was small (only immediate family), my wedding dress was borrowed. Due to circumstances with my employment, I had to fly from NY to Seattle to get married and had 11 hours of honeymoon before I had to board a plane to fly back to NY.
That was 23 years and 7 days ago.
It's ok to hope.
gentle hugs
And I can't wait to see the movie too!
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
I concur, good men exist! My dad for one and I have known several really good guys, work with many more. They absolutely exist. Maybe they aren't Hollywood movie perfection but they are everyday average guys with good hearts.
Now admittedly I have often doubted that any exist for me
. But I guess I still have hope.
Now admittedly I have often doubted that any exist for me
. But I guess I still have hope.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by loner1968
Call me a downer but I honestly don't think this kind of man exists...Maybe I'm still too damaged to see the possibility. In my heart I feel that this is only a kind of wish we all have. I don't think the reality is very high.
I once believed what you believe, loner. For a long time, I only hung out with other damaged and troubled people, because they were either members of my family or they were the only people I found interesting and "real." In those circles, you're much less likely to find men who fit peaceteach's description, so you get to thinking they don't exist.
Good luck to you, NYC_Chick. You are going to be just fine. I think you dodged a bullet with this relationship......this wasn't the person for you, and the universe conspired to keep you from making a mistake (even if it hurt
)You're gonna be fine!!!!! Hugs and strength to you
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I never had an overwhelming urge to be married. To be a wife. To belong to someone else like a piece of property. To claim another person as "mine." I know I'm probably in the minority here, but I just don't get it why so many people define themselves and their worth or success on whether or not they walk down the aisle or why they feel incomplete or unwhole or unwanted if they're single.
I don't want to be half of anything, much less half of a union. I am a whole person. I'm 48 years old. I've never been married. I've never had any aspiration to be married or walk down the aisle in some ridiculous white confection parading around like a fairy princess or someone's prize.
I don't want to be half of anything, much less half of a union. I am a whole person. I'm 48 years old. I've never been married. I've never had any aspiration to be married or walk down the aisle in some ridiculous white confection parading around like a fairy princess or someone's prize.
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FD: Thanks!
I know that being married doesn't necessarily mean I'll be happy. But if I can be whole on my own first, I would love to find someone who compliments my life. I also really want kids. I realize that you don't have to be married to have them, but I would rather not be picking out the father of my children from a notebook full of donors : )
I know that being married doesn't necessarily mean I'll be happy. But if I can be whole on my own first, I would love to find someone who compliments my life. I also really want kids. I realize that you don't have to be married to have them, but I would rather not be picking out the father of my children from a notebook full of donors : )
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
If marriage is what you want, NYC, then I support you 100%. I, obviously, chose to have children outside of marriage. I wanted to be a mom, just not a wife. BTW, I chose a fun donor instead of someone out of a notebook. I'm all for a roll in the hay!
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 196
One of the best prayers that I have prayed to God was to send someone who would be in love with me but as well someone that I would be in love with as well. That is so important in a healthy relationship--it takes two people to make it work out.
I want to have children in the future as well. It has not been easy to get pregnant at my age. I am 36 years old. But I am trying to stay positive and pray to God about it.
Adoption is something that I might consider in my 40s. I am not sure as well if I would want a sperm donor. I would want to know the person. I have always wanted to have children in wedlock. I want the children to have a father that cares about them and wants to be part of their life.
I am thinking that you were talking about Sex and the City. I had fun watching the movies Baby Mama and Juno.
Have you been watching the Bacherlorette on Monday nights? I find this entertaining seeing all of those guys trying to impress the Bachelorette Deanna. I think it was good that she moved on from the Bachelor Brad and can find someone that is better for her.
I want to have children in the future as well. It has not been easy to get pregnant at my age. I am 36 years old. But I am trying to stay positive and pray to God about it.
Adoption is something that I might consider in my 40s. I am not sure as well if I would want a sperm donor. I would want to know the person. I have always wanted to have children in wedlock. I want the children to have a father that cares about them and wants to be part of their life.
I am thinking that you were talking about Sex and the City. I had fun watching the movies Baby Mama and Juno.
Have you been watching the Bacherlorette on Monday nights? I find this entertaining seeing all of those guys trying to impress the Bachelorette Deanna. I think it was good that she moved on from the Bachelor Brad and can find someone that is better for her.
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