woa

I came here looking for support last week and i was blown away by how encouraging everyone is.
Yesterday was a tiny bit of a break through I think. We were able to actually talk for a little while.
It started with him asking me to get him some xanax to help with his jitters, and I had to say no, simply because, although I respect what he is doing immensely, and I want to support him however I can, but I don't think that would be doing things properly. I told him I think he should get professional help, and a Dr. can prescribe something for him. He strongly disagrees, he thinks I am being unsupportive, but I am trying to be firm, since, last year when he tried to quit and asked me the same question I did give him my xanax and he started popping them like candy AND drinking, I'm surprised he didn't kill himself. He did talk to his Dr. some months ago, but it turned into a semi bad experience, he was sent for an evaluation at a place and then sent away because it was actually a mental health hospital dealing w/ secondary substance abuse. Now he thinks the Dr. doesn't know what he is doing either. (I called the Dr. & he was surprised, it appears it was a mistake sending him the that place) I sincerely hope we didn't miss that window of opportunity when he was willing to get rehab.
I cannot fully understand what he is going through, I wish I could, but I will try to continue to be loving and understanding, without compromising.
He said he will never go to aa, although he is not fully opposed to private counseling, just not ready for it. thinks he is strong enough to do it alone. I asked him if he knew of anyone who did it alone successfully, and he named a local radio show host. I asked him then, how did he (the radio guy) get on antibuse if he didn't have any professional help? He was angry with me for a little while, but we were able to talk it out a bit more later.
I would assume there are stages to this, sort of like the stages of grief? But i do not know much. I would like to know more about the stages of quitting, if anyone can put it in a nutshell (if there are stages?) What can I do to help more? I really want to know...