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What I have become It's been a while since I posted...but something strange happened Tuesday night at a local pub. A friend of mine has seperated from her AH 3 months ago. We were talking about how things were going. She said she is so much happier now, living her own life, doing things for herself, not worrying about AH drinking and driving, etc. She knows my situation and struggles. We have both been married 10 years, etc. I asked her what made her make the leap to get out. She said: "I didn't like the person I had become. I was so unhappy. I was a total bitch." I actually started crying (in public) when she said that. It hit home so much. Just wanted to share. Now what am I going to do? I'm still working on that. But finally I understand what the real issue is: I had been thinking it was about not liking what *HE HAD* become. It's about not liking what **I HAVE** become! |
Thanks for posting this. It's how I feel. I really think I came close to depression, I was feeling bitter towards other people who were happy, I was utterly exhausted of the constant worrying of what ex was doing, would he sort out the things he should be sorting out, will he come home before 3am... I did a lot of the crying in public too when people asked how I was. Continue to look after yourself and put yourself first. And continue to read here. hugs x |
Originally Posted by Saint Francis
(Post 1787010)
...But finally I understand what the real issue is: I had been thinking it was about not liking what *HE HAD* become. It's about not liking what **I HAVE** become! This is exactly what the whole shibang is about. Its not about them or their recovery or lack of it or how they treat themselves or us. It is about what we will accept in our life, how we allow others to treat us and as a consequence, how we treat our self. It was a big moment for me too when I finally realised that I allowed my exabf to do the things to me that I felt so miserable and helpless about. I realised i could take back my power by making healthier choices for me! What do I want in my life? etc. I have begun to ask myself questions like, what kind of behaviour is acceptable to me? What are my boundaries? What are my deal breakers? etc. Things that had never occurred to me in my life! Most of these things I have learnt by reading and asking for support here. I have had a little therapy, but to be honest, the real way I heal myself is by being completely honest with myself. I've told myself so many un truths just because they were easier to digest than my reality. NO MORE!!! This was the way to my insanity! Here are two web sites I have found great! Plus I wouls also look up some threads on the stickies section about recovery. ''Hooks that keep you in boundary-less relationships'' completely rocked my world! Inner Bonding: Relationship Help, Relationship Advice, Spiritual Growth, Parenting Advice, Healthy Living Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing = Joy2MeU Enjoy recovery, it is a path to self discovery and YOU are the best thing in the world! Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
SF For me, that was a HUGE ah ha moment. And things improved for me when I began changing ME and stopped trying to change my A son. gentle hugs |
Yes, that was one of the biggest "ah-ha" moments for me too when I realized that I had changed and that I had issues myself. Be gentle to yourself. Step by Step , one day at a time. (((Hugs))) |
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