avasmiles

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am feeling very frustrated now. This process has been a long time coming.. And through time we heal and move forward with our lives in the best that we know how to. My husband and I have been together a while and have always been close close friends.. Because of the Alcohol, intimacy and other areas were damaged and we were only able to go so far in the relationship.I was in pain. Looking down at myself and my life I saw two unhealthy people. We had a beautiful daughter in 2006 and at that time I did have hopes that he would get better and life would be good. With the arrival of our daughter we could start fresh together and it would work.. Boy was I wrong.. The alcohol consumed my husband. Every waking breath was pulling him to the fridge for his 730am toast.. Life was getting old very quickly.. Here I had this beautiful gift from God. A beautiful, perfect, soft, cuddly,warm bundle of love I was given.. Wow motherhood is a true blessing. But then I my husband got worse. It got bad.. I was terrified.Realizing my hopes for a successful marriage were slamming on the breaks! My husband needed help. I submitted our story to a documentary show on addiction.. This would maybe save my husband from complete destruction. They flew out to us and we had an amazing intervention. He flew to Louisiana for almost 5 months.. Now he is home and I am so grateful that he is sober. He expresses his gratitufe for being healthier. Im just confused now and frustrated. There are parts to my husband that never changed..I know this would be the case, but perhaps I fantasized that all the parts that were difficult to bare with my husband were attributed to the alcohol. I was wrong. I have made some incredible leaps and have changed for the better. Im frustrated because he is not communicating with me. I feel like he is isolating and I am the only one bringing in the income. How much time to I give him?? He says hes fine.. He says hes great! How come I dont believe him? Is this just part of the recovery process?? Didnt they teach him to communicate in rehab?? or did they just teach him to get sober?!
Help!I love my husband and I dont want to give up.. at the same rate I want to make decisions that will provide love and stability for myself and my daughter.
I feel so much better by writing this down.Thank you!

Avasmiles

Lilyflower

I've never dealt with anyone from recovery, but to me I would think that part of recovery and sobriety is learning how to embrace life completely. So from this view point, I would think he needs to begin to understand what is acceptable in your relationship.

Have you discussed boundaries with him? You cannot force someone to open up and be communicative with you, especially if they have never been so, this may be difficult for them. You could however sit with him and discuss how his silence makes you feel. Ask him to attempt to talk to you about his problems so that you both may work interdependantly to a solution.

I really do believe that healthy communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and if he is having difficulty doing that it needs to be addressed. If the issue cannot be resolved between youselves maybe a councillor can help?

Love to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

queenteree

(((avasmiles))) All I can say is that when my husband went to rehab 20 or so years ago, it took him almost a full year to really be the man he was before alcohol took him over completely. After that he was a wonderful, caring, loving husband and father. I believe it takes that long for their brains to get back to normal. Things have a way of working themselves out.

i4getsm

Is he active in AA and recovery? Or did he stop after rehab? I don't have experience with an A in recovery either. (Well...I had a dry drunk A for awhile but now he is back to drinking again.) I would talk to him about the silence and see what he says. He may just be focusing on himself right now. I'm not sure. Are you active in Alanon or your own recovery? I would think you'll both have to re-learn how to communicate again. Things are different now, kwim?