Want to crawl under a rock
 

Lets see, my A husband left us for another woman, and doesn't help out financially, I can't seem to find a job after getting done with school, and my sister thinks I'm the worst Mother in the world.

The boys and I went camping with my sister and her family this weekend, it turned out to be one of the worst experiences of my life. Late yesterday the big kids went for a ride on their motorcycles so I decided while they were gone I would give my little one a bath, my sister heated up the water, and helped me get the bath ready, by the time it was ready the big kids got back and my little one did not want to take a bath, he threw a tantrum begging me not to givr him a bath, fear of my sister yelling about waisting water ect... I forced him, he was screaming that he just wanted to play with the kids, my sister cam in and yell "shut the **** up or the police are going to come and arrest us" well I had had it, my sister was just doing things all weekend that was getting on my nerves so I asked he rson to text my daughter directions, we were a 1 1/2 hrs from home, directions and to come pick us up, well my sister told him not to but he did any way and she started beating him, punching and hitting him , I begged her to stop i begged he r husband to make her stopm he just sat there, then she just started in on what a bad mother I was, how my daughter is a **** ( she is a honor student, has a job and is a great kid, doesn't give me any trouble except the norm) so I fight back and said things I should not have.. I apoligized to my nephews about that already. Her kids don't care for there mom much because she is nuts. Any way I told my kids to get their jackets and thing and I left walking in the middle of the dessert and rain, I had no Idea where I was or how to find the road, well her nephew took me and the boys to town and we sat at a sizzler untilll my daugher got there.
Now not only do I have to deal with my parents, brother now I have made a mess with my sister.

If it werent for my kids I would do myself in, I do not know how much more of "this life" I can take
Kermmie

(((Kermmie)))


Minus the "words" that you had with sister (and HAVE apologized for so you can let that go) I think you did great getting yourself and your kids out of there. Hang on, sweetie, brighter days are coming. Just keep being a great mom. That in itself is a wonderful reward, you know?

Oh, Kermie, I am worried about you. Do you have a therapist or counselor? If not, perhaps it's time to see one.

FD, I am okay, therapist scare me... It just seems that I keep doing all the right steps but it just isn't getting any easier. What I want to do I call my ex so bad, I just want to cry to him and I know that is something I can'y do.. So I cry here.. Thanks

Kermit

It sounds to me like you're doing the right things. It took me awhile in recovery before I could really understand that someone else's words do NOT define me. An unhappy &abusive person is not exactly in a good frame of mind to tell someone else if she is a good mother or not.

My ex used to define me all the time . He would tell me "you are so xxxx" and I would believe it to be true about myself. He said it, I had made HIM my higher power, so it must be true!

Recovery takes time. Seeing the results of our positive changes takes time.

Take extra good care of yourself. Can you call a recovery friend? Better days are coming.

Hugs
Cats

I have talked with my friends and I know that it will work out for the best, what I love most about being a codie is the all the stuff I have learned about letting go. I can't save the world only myself and I'm working on that,
But why is it that I love unconditionaly, pray, care do all the "right" things and life always throws me curve balls, when she is cold, mean, has no compassion and has the husband, home, toys and has no financial worries?

((((Kermie)))))

I know something really good has to happen soon. You are a warrior and this world can't take you down without a fight!!

I bet if I went off some where with my sister something like that might happen. I don't know if I am the crazy one or not but she tries to tell everyone I am the crazy one.

At least you got home in one piece. As for your ex-H I am sure his karma will catch up to him one day. You keep doing what you know is right.((((((((((BIGHUGS))))))))))) to you.

I know how you feel. I was scared to death of making that first appointment. It's hard to admit that you can't handle everything alone. I was always the strong one, the one who didn't need help. How could I possibly go to someone I didn't even know for help?

Seeing a therapist turned my life around. I never imagined what a difference it would make. And what a relief it was to have someone who could listen and understand without judging me.

I hope you will consider letting someone help you, Kermie. You are most definitely worth it!

L

You are all so awsome here, that is why I ALWAYS come here,
I have so much on my plate right now, I will just keep eating tru it little by little.

I am so very thankful for my children, my parents and the fact that I'm here. I like who I am and know the things my sister said about me are just words, she knows nothing about me. I'm so tired of the BS.

Deal, Anvil

Hey Kermie!! Have a big ol ((((((( HUG )))))))

Oh boy do I know _that_ feeling.

Lesseee, who is the one who has the strength to walk away from an abusive relationship? You. Who is the one that is a righteous Mom and is raising her little ones with love and compassion? You. Who is the one that the HP always protects by giving her people and tools with which to overcome all those curve balls? You.

Spouses? C'mon now, you can walk into any bar, wiggle your finger at some drunk or two and have a spouse by morning. Is that really what you want? Houses? Do you really want to share one with that drunk spouse you scooped off a bar stool? Or you would you rather share a peaceful and loving place with your little ones? Money? How much of it would you have with drunk smashing up cars and furniture all the time?

I dunno about your kids, but when I was a kid, if someone had said I had to give up _all_ the material things in life forever in exchange for _one_ day when my drunken parents didn't hurt me or my brother, I'da signed up in a second. Nobody ever offered me that deal, but I got a better one. I got to live a life where I am at peace with myself, knowing that I am a good man and have no guilt about anything.

I have learned that everything in life has a price. If I want a spouse _now_.... I can have one. There's lotsa bars in Las Vegas. But I have to be willing to pay the price. I'd rather wait 'till a healthy one comes 'round. Curveballs? Oh yeah, 11 heart attacks and 1 brain surgery in the last 3 years, that's plenty of curve balls I've had. Money? Sure, I'm 100 grand in debt to various hospitals, I'm gonna get that paid off before I die, oh sure.

You know what? Every single time life has dumped on me I have had the tools and the recovery with which to deal with that dumping. Every single time I have survived and overcome. Not because I dodged the dump, but because I got up, grabbed a hose and washed myself off. Every single time my HP has been there to help me shake it off, dry it off, and get back on the road of life.

Kermie, I've seen you get up, wash yourself off and get back to the business of life again and again and again. Every single time you come out stronger, healthier and a finer example of recovery for your kids and the tons of newbies that come thru here. You wanna go see a shrink? Heck, that shrink is going to learn a thing or two about recovery from you.

You just hold your head on high and do the right thing for you and your little ones. That's what you've been doing for quite some time now and you have every right to be proud of that. You keep on posting here, we're all here for you when you're hurting, just like you're here for us when we are hurting.

Mike ((((( HUGS )))))

(((Kermit)))

Boy can I relate a little to your post. My sister and I don't even speak anymore, I have also cut ties to my dad in order to stay sane. He was and still is a major abuser/rageaholic. My sister is so in denial about our childhood that she clings desperately to my dad. She is a grown women with kids and a husband.

Some family members can be so toxic. And life can be so cruel, this I know, and like you feel like not dealing with it anymore, but know I must stay strong for my son.

I think it was a strong move on your part to get the hell outta there. Hang in there!

Thinking of you:Val004:

I had to go pick up my car at her place today, she had packed up all the food I bought for the trip and anything else that belonged to us, now I just need to get my sons motor cycle here, I will talk with her husband about that one.
Mom said she has not called or her boys, they usually call her wjen they get home from a trip. I told Mom I was sorry I made a mess of things, she just said that is between you and your sister and I love you. Mom also said don't give up, don't ever give up.
Mike as always thanks, you always put things in words I understand. I did talk to my ex today he too said she has never been worthy of my love and patience, WOW!
Need to find a job soon or we will be moving in with my Mom and I just don't want that. But I may have no choice. Money is gone. But I will be on the phone and computer tomorrow again tomorrow, hitting the streets too. And on my scholls but to help me like they said they do.
I Will make it and you all will be there with me..
LOVE YOU

hugs to you...and remember to look up..