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Old 05-23-2008, 12:45 PM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: May 2008
Location: Calgary, AB
Posts: 17

How to balance AA and daily life.

Hi Everyone,

My boyfriend is a recovering addict/alcoholic. He has been working his program and sober since April 1st, 2008. He went to a out patient rehab for a month. In the house he was in they teach that life an no one can get in the way of your program. We both agree but are confused about something. In the house none of the people in there have children or wives. They are single people without responsibility.

We are unsure of where a healthy boundary lies with people that have children, wives and responsibility. Does he take on daily duties with our child and our household? We are talking about t-ball with our son, getting up with our child, dishes........the emotional havoc that daily duties bring to his mind. I guess fulfilling the needs of others and not just himself. He goes to either an AA or NA meeting daily. If he is to go to t-ball he can't make a meeting every night and might only make three that week. If he is up late and can't think with his mind racing he can't get up in the morning.

We are aware that his recovery comes first but are not sure of what that healthy boundary looks like. If it looks like him not taking on daily tasks and just living for the program for as long as it takes, how long is it feasible to live like that......until he feels emotionally ready?

He relapsed yesterday by smoking half a joint he found in a tenant's room he cleaned out. He is back on track today......yayyy. :bounce Through sharing he let me know the relapse was coming when he looks back and I saw it too. He says life got in the way of the program. I am not too concerned right now with taking on the life responsibilities to allow him time to commit to his program so that is not an issue. We are just both seeking input from someone who has a family and lives the AA/NA programs. How do you balance both?

Thanks for listening.
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Old 05-23-2008, 01:20 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 16,413
Welcome to SR clep, always good to have a new member!

I'm a single father of two kids, ages 10 & 12. I've been sober for just over 3 years thanks to AA and the 12 Steps. I continue to do my best to attend a meeting every day and stay active in recovery.

For me, being a parent comes before everything else, but I have the awareness that without my sobriety I stand to lose it all. Yes, finding a balance is necessary, which is why I have to be willing to do whatever it takes to work a program of recovery. That might mean losing some sleep so that I can attend an early morning or late night meeting. Since I was 5 months sober it's also meant taking my kids to open AA meetings on my custody nights.

My kids just wrapped up their softball and Little League seasons, most nights I wasn't able to stick around for an AA meeting because of games. What I was able to do is run by the Club where my meetings are held and spend 10-15 minutes every day doing service work, emptying the trash and cleaning up the room. That keeps me connected to other people in the Fellowship and also keeps my humility in check.

A typical day for me in recovery starts with prayer, then I read daily meditations before I race out the door to take my children to school. While I'm at work I email and call other people from the program, and I'm blessed to have SR available. After work I head over to a meeting, if I have any time left after that I'm spending it with my children or my GF who also works her own recovery program.

Recovery is hard work, but for every bit of effort I put into it I'm blessed tenfold with the benefits of a clean and sober life. I can make plenty of excuses for not attending meetings or staying focused on my program, or I can suit up, show up, and reap the rewards. Hopefully I'll continue to choose the latter.

Hope that answers your question, I look forward to hearing more from you.
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---*WOW-What a ride*!"
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Old 05-23-2008, 01:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Hey Clep,

I am not in your situation, so I have no advice to offer. Just wanted to say 'Hi!' and welcome to SR, hope to see you posting often,

Love and peace,

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. Now that I know better, I will do better.

Great oaks from small acorns grow.
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