dor5711

I was here about 2 months ago and you all gave me some really solid advice and suggestions. My significant other has been living in a sober house for the last 2 months after a month in rehab. We have talked but I know I am not ready to have him come back home. As a quick background, he was sober for 17 years and then went out there 2 1/2 years ago and it's been alot of heartache and ups and downs. My dad passed away 3 months ago and my SO got drunk. That was the end of the road for me and I kicked him out.

So we had a conversation the other evening and I pretty much told him that I have alot of my plate right now and his problem is low on my list. He needs to work on that not me. Well, he got angry at that and took it out on a housemate and therefore has been asked to leave the sober house. Now he's crying on the phone to me that he has no where to go. In a matter of minutes, I am feeling exactly how I did 3 months ago....shaky, sick to my stomach, etc. I told him he is laying the guilt on me and I'm not buying it. I refuse to let him come back to this house. I still do not trust him and I will not put me and my family in that predicament again. I know I'm doing the right thing but I do feel bad for him. And I know he did it to himself. He says he will not go to a shelter, will not go to another treatment center and will not sleep on his mom's or brother's couch. So I told him that he needs to figure out what he will do....plan B since his plan A is not going to happen.
I am afraid for him. This is exactly the type of situation that could ruin all his good over the last 3 months. I don't want to be a part of that.

OK.....I guess I just need some words of wisdom to keep me strong.

Doreen

grateful2b

Doreen, I remember your posts...good for you ,you know what you need to do stay strong, girl......you deserve to be happy......He needs to dig himself out of his own mess, not dump it in your lap..... Hugs, Grateful

Barbara52

His actions may lead to difficulties for him. But you are not a part of it unless you choose to be.

You didn't do anything other than state your boundaries, perfectly reasonable boundaries that he should respect. Do not take any responsibility for his choices and his actions that led him to be asked to leave becasue he acted badly! You didn't make him do it! Its normal to feel bad for him but that doesn't mean you have to do anything other than feel your emotions.

Stay strong in acting in your best interests. Take care of yourself.

He is an adult who can take care of himself and does not need you or anyone else to rescue him from the consequences of his actions.

peaceteach

Dor,
I believe that shaky, sick feeling in your stomach is your 6th sense (HP) telling you that to get involved again is a very bad idea. I believe we need to recognize the physical warnings our bodies give us when making decisions. Trust your gut.

Pick-a-name

Your plan makes perfect sense to me.

As for him,looks like he DOES have more than a few options anyhow. Like you all said,guess it is up to him to figure it out. Seems like he still doen't "get it".....who knows? Maybe this is another opportunity that he has to actually start working on true recovery. Doesn't sound like his behavior is anywhere near what you need to subject yourself and your kids to dealing with.

Sorry it feels difficult, but I think you are doing him a favor by NOT making it easier for him to keep reacting in unhealthy ways.

hugs

dor5711

I knew I was doing the right thing but I needed reaffirmation from all of you. There was call from the hospital when I got home from work today asking to call them back. I didn't. If he's in the hospital, I certainly hope it's not because he blew all his hard work the last 3 months. But I know it's not my problem and if this is the case, then I certainly know and should trust my gut feelings.

Thanks to all of you.

Doreen