Usernameismyson

Hello all,
New, and think I posted my "intro" in the wrong area, so here I go..

I'm Debbie, and my 20 year old son is an addict. I am in recovery. I did not do it with AA, although I am grateful for what I did take from my experiences with the program. I found my path. Ironicly, an online support group saved my life in every sense of the word. It's been almost 6 years now. I spent a lot of time wondering which one of my kids would follow in my footsteps, now I know. He has been in treatment for 9 days now. His DOC is benzos and pot.

I am the creator of reachingupforair and anyone who visits will see my journey...and my advocacy. My story has been published online here and there. And somehow, I missed what was under my very nose.

Now I'm on the other side. The side that shows me what I didn't see when I was in a blackout, the side that shows me what my family went through with me, and the side of me that really hated treatment. I'm sure there isn't an emotion that I haven't felt these last 9 days. Especially when I talk to my husband and he simply says...I know.

I'm struggling to cope with my own feelings of parenting by guilt from the past, how to not use my lessons in recovery to try to "fix" my son...and so much more.

I'm just reading and trying to keep myself grounded using many differant support systems.

I'm feeling selfish for being so cautious of my own recovery, hypocritical for judging his actions and really running out of ways to be the recovering person, the mom who keeps telling him he can't come home if he continues to live this way, and the old me who understand exactly how he feels right now.

Whew...got that out.
My story is here...so perhaps that will give you an idea where I'm coming from. It's the one with the baby drinking a beer.

Debbie's Story


I built up my fight for recovery..I didn't plan for this. I should have.

Thanks all for being here. I'll keep reading.

Debbie

suki44883

Hello, Debbie and welcome to SR! I can identify with some of the things in your story. My father used to give me beer on a teaspoon when I was a toddler because he thought it was funny to watch me stumble around. He'd share his beer with me when I was a little older and I can't remember a time when I didn't drink beer. So sad, really.

Anyway, this isn't about me, it's about you, and I'm so glad you found SR. There are so many wonderful people here with so much good advice and support. I hope you'll come back often.

Usernameismyson

Nice to be connecting esp. after our lovely one on one meeting yesterday when he basically laid out how all of his issue were created because of me....

It's been a tough couple of days but I have a good support system set up and just keep reminding myself not to take on his issues or parent by the guilt and shame of my past.

Thanks for the welcome. This could be a long and bumpy road.

peaceteach

Welcome Debbie. I'm sorry you are here under these circumstances, but please join us for some love and support. I'm the mother of an addict son who is currently in a suboxone treatment program. I thought your post was deeply honest, very raw and beautiful. Thank you for sharing and letting us feel your pain. You sound like you know all the right things to do and say, but your MOTHER love is trying to convince you that you have any control over this situation. Just remember the basics: 3 C's, right? And that all addicts, even our own kids, will continue to place blame outside of themselves to justify their continued using. Listen to your husband also. His firsthand experience may have been the teacher your HP sent for this moment in your life. Pick up some codependency literature (I love Codependent No More by Melody Beattie) to remind yourself of your helplessness in trying to "save" your addict, and let him start to face his own demons and the repercussions of his actions. You know the drill, girl. And keep posting. It's been just a wonderful place for me to share and be heard.