hopeangel

i was talking to my therapist about all that is going on and she said "you know, it's okay to make a mistake." and you know, i don't think this honestly ever occured to me before. i mean, really? how can you say that a mistake is okay???

this one statement from her has really set me free in a lot of ways. i mean everyone makes mistakes right? and if it is a mistake, then you take whatever steps you can to correct it right, but without trying you really never know right.

we talked a lot about fear and she has never given me advice on if i should leave ah or not, but she did say this one thing. if you don't face fear and find courage to do things yourself... it will paralyze you. you will be imprisoned by fear. wow... is all i can say.

i still struggle making decisions and commiting to anything, but understanding the above is making it easier.

i still don't know if leaving ah is the right thing to do or if i will be making the hugest mistake of my life. i do know that things will not likely change unless i change them. i know staying with him i could miss many other great chances at true love and happiness (which according to my therapist i should be more worried about losing than losing ah).

i don't know if i can afford a new car, an apartment, but if i find it to be a mistake...then it can be corrected, right???????

so i just ask for help, support, and prayers during this scary time of transition and change.

thanks you all!!! and to all you struggling with making decisions - IT REALLY IS OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES...or at least that's the impression i'm getting hopefully these words help someone else like they have helped me.

Barbara52

Yup, mistakes are ok. We learn from them. Or least we can learn from them.

That is a great statement. Something we should all remember.

Hang in there. You will get thru the hardest parts and you will start feeling better.

Lilyflower

My therapist talked to me about this too. As we get anxious the anxiety levels build up and they can feel physically awaful - sweats, shaking, sick feeling nausea etc. What I have done in the past is because I felt these things I ran away from the issue because I felt my anxiety levels would keep growing and I wouldn't be able to cope.

The therapist told me that what actuall y happens in our body is that the anoety will level off and then die down again, this is our body's fight or flight syndrom that propels us to takle things. When we run and don't see the anxiety curve all the way through we end up making it harder on ourselves. The symptoms of our anxiety feel worse next time convincing us more that we should turn away from the issue.

I have been learning to follow my curve through. I have managed to overcome things that before made me feel sick. It is empowering!

Lily xxxxxxxxxx

hopeangel

wow lilly, what great knowledge. i've never had anxiety explained to me like this before, but it makes perfect sense!!! knowledge is power and thinking in terms of the physical reaction really helps take some of the fear of it away

thanks

LaTeeDa

These are the threads that keep me coming back to SR. I love seeing the light bulbs turn on! I'm going to go bump a thread from the past about decisions.

L

Rella927

Hopeangel Mistakes are ok! I make a lot of them but, today I have learned from them which is something I never did before! (Hence the old cliché of repeating them until we do)

"Progress not perfection!" I just love this statement

Lily stated it well with the anxiety! Running away from things when the anxiety levels kick in-oh boy can I relate! I did not want to confront issues which I use to turn something so small into something so huge! And make myself more crazy!

Today when I feel anxiety coming on I try to breathe deeply and slow down! I try to see that I can allow myself out of a tense situation by not trying to control what I cannot-and control the things that I can-I have survived this far in life and today I want to LIVE!

Looking only at today-I can accept these barriers that create anxiety as lessons in life. I challenge myself to conquer them and I reach new levels of inner strength and it makes me feel better today! Slowly moving on my journey I find peace and know that things I cannot control I need to turn over to my HP. And wow it works!

Choices are my life and making decisions means paying attention to what I think and what I feel and although many times my path can turn into a battleground as I recover from my co-dependency. I try to replace negative thoughts and words with positive! It is a tough journey but worth every step!

As Lily said “EMPOWERING”

hope!

hopeangel

i'm going to tell myself from now on that the fear and anxiety are just MERELY physical reactions, nothing more-nothing less...seems a lot less scary then... and mere physical reactions should not control or dictate our life or the choices we make in it

cmc

Thank you for sharing, hopeangel.

I was brought up in very perfectionist home. I swore I would never be like that. I did do better but still had it in me. Once I do the work of fixing 'me' and only me, I find that I'm better at dealing with those tendencies but am still a work in progress.

My fear of failure was created by a false notion that anyone could be perfect. Of course I never saw it that way...I thought I just knew better than somebody I cared for. ( just a wee bit of denial there lol? )

It's what sometimes kept me from stepping out to a place where I might make a mistake. I've had to take a long look at the fact that I ever thought I could be perfect- that was part of my arrogance in my codependant self.

Aside from codependant issues, some of my greatest joys and accomplishments came to me when I tossed that fear aside and risked failure in order to achieve success.

hopeangel

"Aside from codependant issues, some of my greatest joys and accomplishments came to me when I tossed that fear aside and risked failure in order to achieve success"

love that cmc!!!

Spiritual Seeker

progress not perfection.
I am a perfectionist myself. Thanks for reminding me that It is OKAY to make a mistake.
We are suppose to learn from them. Maybe I should make a few more mistakes to speed up my learning curve.

Lilyflower

I went to a buddhist meditation class today, and the teacher was talking about mistakes. He said that these should be celebrated! In order to progress through life we need to learn from experiences. If we dither, and don't make decisions, we become stagnant which is detrimental toward our spiritual growth. We should consider the situation and what is best for our growht and then we should just do something/anything and see what happens, if it turns out good, then great! If not then we have the experience we need to learn and adapt, without those mistakes we would never be able to build on this experience and benefit in our spiritual journey! So each time you make a mistake be joyful! You are learning and improving on yourself with every one!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxx