finedivasoc

I'm leaving. Finally. I haven't posted in a very long time. I thought after our three month separation last year that my choice to return to him was a good one.

While separated I saturated myself in an exceptional church and I really grew. I came home and maintained my growth, but my AH husband just fell back into his old patterns. He's gotten so pathetic I can't stand the sight of him. Any ounce of dignity he once had is gone. He's become a complete and total dish rag and I'm done. I'm picking up my truck on Thursday, loading up my stuff and heading back to Tennessee.

Good riddance.

I never in a million years thought I would ever detest a human being as much as I detest him.

prodigal

It's pretty awkward, not to mention gross, when they turn into pathetic things that are nothing more than a body that fills itself up with booze. However, they make the choice so they pay the consequences.

I hope in time you don't detest him, but simply detest the disease. I look at what is left of my AH and see little more than someone living a lie. I guess I can't detest someone I don't even recognize any longer ...

I'm glad you are going to a place where you'll have a happier life!

CarolD

All the best to you as you move on from addiction.

Barbara52

I'm glad to here you are taking action for you. I hope you continue your personal growth and get to where you want to be. Like prodigal, I hope you can get to the point where you detest the disease not your AH. I found it very freeing when I could do that.

Rella927

Like Prod and Barb said DITTO:

Very happy that you have started your new journey! When we forgive it is beneficial for us and helps us to move along this journey with peace and serenity

Lot's of luck to you!

Loreena

Good for you and the best of luck on your new life. I"m on that path now myself and it helps to hear others that are getting on and upward. You can't change them, we've all tried our best, now we come first and God bless em. I pray for mine now, can't beleive how much i detested him while he was here, now I just simply pray for him and let it go...

sounds like a movie, gettin in the truck and headin back to Tennessee!! wish I was coming too!!

Loreena

Shivaya

Hey Groovy Chick,

All the best to you on your journey to Tennessee, and your continued journey of recovery from this horrible disease...


Shivaya

Bernadette

heya finedivasoc--

I'm with Loreena!! It's like the first line of a great novel!!!

"I'm picking up my truck on Thursday, loading up my stuff and heading back to Tennessee."

Best of luck to you and continued bravery and courage as you start a NEW and EXCITING and hopefully SERENE chapter of your life!!

Thanks for posting this!!
Peace.
B.

RosieM

Fine, good luck on your journey. I just made a little trek myself and already it feels like I'm on another planet - and it's a happy place. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be happy and have fun and laugh. It's not a total cakewalk, but 'tis a far, far better place. R.

Serenity8

Thanks for posting - we all need reminders of HOPE.

ethereal girl

Congrats! I left in July and I am sure that I made the right decision. He was not the same person anymore and there was no usewaiting around and hoping that things would ever get better. Life is too short to waste.
So, jump in the waters FINE!

I hope your new life is filled with blessings!

chrisea

Life is too short. Even if you had a car, load it up and get out of ... I take nothing for granted. I now have only good days or great days. 8 peace

finedivasoc

You know, it does feel better to be out of there. I've been back in Tennessee for a week now. I went to church Sunday which helped me a lot. I'm staying with friends, both of whom have experienced life with an alcoholic. I'm grateful to have them, otherwise I'd be pulling my hair out.

It was scary at first. I had secured myself a place to live before coming to Tennessee, but it turned out to be in a very bad neighbrhood so I refused to sign a lease--I had no place to go, then my friends opened their door to me which pretty much turned out to be exactly what I needed. I've never really been one to rely on anybody but my AH. I'm glad I accepted their help. God knew I would need it and it's been good for me to not be all alone this week, but I'm looking forward to having my own place soon. I'm starting to feel good enough to be alone with my cat. lol

One day at a time indeed.

It's been so wonderful to not be called terrible names and it's been great to be in a peaceful place with no arguing and accusations. I hope my AH gets better one day, but at least now I can move forward. I wasn't moving anywhere in life with him. Life was at a stand still and we were rapidly going downhill. Though it hasn't been easy to leave it's certainly been the right decision.

Thanks everyone for posting and showing your support! You're all so wonderful! God bless!

Bernadette

Hi FineDiva--
"I've never really been one to rely on anybody but my AH. I'm glad I accepted their help."

This is just ONE of the great lessons to learn in freeing ourselves from codependency.
We are so used to being the "together" person - so used to handling insane amounts of insanity and operating at such a high level of awareness and tension- that we have to LEARN HOW to be humble and ask for, and more importantly, ACCEPT help!

It feels weird at first, but just accepting help in small doses and recognizing that asking for help does not signal personal weakness on our part is a step in the right direction.

Bless you and good look in TN!
Peace,
B.

Pajarito

I think I needed this today. FineDiva- I remember your line about loading up the truck and moving to TN. I'm glad to hear things are peaceful for you. And glad to hear you're accepting help from friends.

I'm also the type to think I have to do it all myself. I am finally letting others help me- what a miracle. Sunday my neighborhood friends are coming over to help me get my house ready to sell. AH will not help- so imagine me doing it alone? Thankfully reaching out to others during this difficult time has shown me over and over that people want to help. I need to let that soak in. . . Thanks for updating us!

finedivasoc

Thank goodness you'll have help. It's been tough relying on other's at the moment, but I know if the shoe were on the other foot I'd be going out of my way to help a friend in the same situation. It's been humbling to accept help, but truly I'm a better person for it.

Hang in there...it really does get easier. The first two weks are really hard, but trust me, it does get beter.

Hugs,
finedivasoc