Pajarito

I absolutely know what you mean- and I am living it everyday- the feeling of being abandoned, of resenting his skipping off every time he drops off dd with me to go do whatever he's doing- I sometimes really get angry over it- but then I thank God every morning that I get to wake her up- kiss her beautiful smooth cheeks, get her to school, make her dinner, play with her, and put her to bed at night. He doesn't get that. He lost that privledge when he left us to do whatever he's doing. It's tiring, but rewarding. I know I am a rock for my dd- AH is not- if anything he is inconsistent. Yes- it makes me mad. I see my friends in their happy marriages and feel left out of that dream- BUT- I can make a new dream- one that is based on what I want with the reality of what is happening now. My parents are still together- but they are extremely dysfunctional- my mom is miserable sometimes and spent years basically living with a "dry drunk"- even though my dad doesn't drink. Who needs it? I don't. I wanted that dream- but my AH was trying to show me for years that he wasn't prince charming. He's a frog- and that's something I won't live with. Get mad, but realize you can make a family the way you want- and maybe even one day share that with someone special who will love you and your kids the way you deserve to be loved.

queenteree

(((Confused))) I know how upset you are right now. It seems like all your hopes and dreams are shattered for you and your kids. When I was 18, I married my high school sweetheart, who was not an A at all, but was very abusive (punched me in stomach when I was 5 mos pregnant even), I went on to be married to him for 6 years, had 3 kids in that time frame before I finally had enough and he actually left me, took all the money and new car, and left me with absolutely nothing, no money, no food, no car and a rent payment that was overdue. I was only left with my three beautiful kids. This was in 1985. I then "hooked up" with my AH, who helped me out immensely, paid our rent, put food on the table, got me a car, and was like a father to my kids. Only problem was he was a drunk (I didn't really realize that at first though). Really hard livin with an A those 2 years, but it got me by though while I went to secretarial school. Then I got rid of AH, and got a great job where I could support my kids (never got child support either). I got stronger each and every day. My kids and I went camping, to the beach, etc. Always tried to have a good time with them. And we did. Then AH actually went to detox and rehab and got sober for over 14 years, during which that time we married and raised my kids as a very loving, stable family and he was a wonderful husband and father. And my xh was never in the picture, never called the kids, never sent money, Xmas cards, birthday cards, etc. Even though my AH has relapsed for a few years now, my kids and I will always treasure that time when life was "normal" and my kids will always say they had a very good childhood/teenage years (AH didn't relapse till youngest moved out of the house). They also still think of AH as their "father" and still don't have a relationship with their biological one. Whose loss is that? Certainly his.
What I'm trying to say is, while it looks so bleak now, and it's not what you wanted for you and especially your girls, YOU can make their life good. And just because your AH isn't there, doesn't mean it's the end of the world for your girls. As long as you do for you and them, that's what counts and that's what they'll always remember. And someday, although you don't think it now, you will meet someone who loves you and your kids and will actually treat you and them the way you all deserve to be treated. YOU can make miracles happen! As hard as it seems, just think positive.
(((HUGS)))

Lilyflower

I was a lone parent from age 18. I raised my daughter alone and spent years thinking I was failing her by not finding her a 'daddy'. I ended up in a stream of bad relationships, one bf from an abused past who was deeply depressed and two A's. It has taken me the first 9 years of her life to realise that she doesn't need this 'father figure' around. All my little girl needs to be happy, is to see me happy. She is surrounded by love from my sister's family, my parents, her great nana, and all my aunts and uncles and cousins. For me family units are built on a loving, respectful bond between all the members. That can come in any shape or size!

Be kinder to yourself, you are doing the best you can for them.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kindeyes

For him.....it's about him. But hopefully for you, it's about YOU and your children.

gentle hugs