Beachbum2856

I am at the point of just wanting to leave the state, just move away, but a geographical change isn't the way to go.

My daughter in law and son drink and party all weekend long. She drinks during the week too. Problem is they have a 6 year old. I try to get him as much as I can. He calls me during the week sometimes asking me to come and get him as his mom is drinking. You can tell her behavior disturbs him.

She and son have even forgotten him at her sister's house on a Sunday night two weeks ago while they were out partying. It was 11:30 p.m. b4 they called and wanted to pick him up. He's been left at other places before where he's been "forgotten".

Son is still on probation for his first DUI. They are both drinking and driving and doing that many times with him in the car. Tonight is another drinking and driving night, as it's Cinco de Mayo (sp?). Any excuse. I've gotten where I don't care what happens to them, only to grandson.

He's not my kid and I know that. We are extremely close and I worry about his safety. Dept. of Family and Children Services (DFCS) won't do anything as long as he's clothed, fed, and not in immediate danger. I don't want to call and they find out I'm the one that called, then I'd never get to see him again.

Thanks for letting me vent.

LucyA

((((Beachbum))))

I know exactly what you're going through, only difference is , in my case it was my nephew I was worried about. It's impossible for me to give you practical advice, I'm in the UK and the laws are all different. All I can say is follow your gut feelings. I was so worried about my nephew and what he was going through, his dad left him home alone, didnt feed him, just basically didnt bother with him. He lives with me now, and he's happy, he's 11 by the way. It's not easy at all, and getting to this point wasn't easy, but it was worth it.

SugarLily

Oh wow, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. It must be terrible to feel as if you cannot help.

Surely annonymity would be taken into account regarding the situation? Do you have to leave a name? From your post, this is something that has happened numerous times before. I would be highly surprised if you were the only one that had noticed what is happening.

He may be clothed and fed, but being around drunk parents IS danger. I feel for you. I do.

What is the worst that would happen if they did find out you had called? Ultimately the child will be cared for - and one would hope that this could be the wakeup call they desperately need as parents.

Hugs x

suki44883

Child Protective Services WILL NOT tell anyone who it was that called. It's against their rules. Otherwise, people would be afraid to call them. Please reconsider calling CPS and also you might think about asking if the boy can stay with you for a while (indefinite period of time).

Beachbum2856

Thanks for your replys. I appreciate it.

I've been out of work for 6 months. I'm stressed to the max. My unemployment has run out and I lost my apartment. I am living with friends and my stuff is in storage. The economy here in GA is so bad right now. I never thought I'd be out of a job, and I'm an administrative assistant. So now with son and daughter in law getting worse and worse it's put more pressure on me.

I want to report them, but I really fear nothing will get done. I got grandson twice last week and he spent the night with me. He told his mom he didn't want to go home. Her bd is this weekend and they are already planning a big drunkfest. I'm trying to make sure he's with me this weekend so I won't have to worry about him. Everything evolves around drinking with them.

Beachbum2856

Two summers ago, when he was 4 years old they left him at the pool at my apartments. They "thought" his aunt was watching him, but she had left. He walked up to my apartment with some guy following him. The guy followed him up to my apartment saying he wanted to make sure he got to where he was going because he was so little. I thanked him and grandson came in and stayed with me. Sometimes he acts like an adult I guess because he's being forced to.

suki44883

Even if nothing gets done, it will be a visit they won't soon forget. Maybe it will be enough of a shock that they'll straighten up their act a bit.

Beachbum2856

I'll think about what I need to do. Maybe I can find out more from DFCS about what could be done.

Barbara52

You can also call the police when you know they are putting that poor child in danger by being drunk and not caring for him. Or driving while drunk with him in the car. Please don't hold back. You may save his life!

Bernadette

Beachbum--
(((hugs)))
you're going through a heavy time! The economy is REALLY a problem everywhere, with no end in sight.

I just want to send you my prayers and although you cannot do everything you wish for your grandson right now - just that he has you a few days a week - and that he can reach out to you and call you -- that is so good for him! As a child of an alcoholic just having one sane person in your life who also SEES the INSANITY is a really reassuring thing. Otherwise the child can think that it is normal or that he himself is cuckoo!

Just for today - be there for him as much as you can and know that you are making a difference with your steady reliable love for him!!

Prayers for you both coming your way---
Peace,
B.

lexusgirl

Hi Beachbum,

I have a lot of experience dealing with the family court system. I have called CPS several times on my son's A father as he is abusive, but to no avail. It's sometimes really hard to get them to do anything unless IMO the child is bruised and bloody. I also called the police once a very long time ago to do a "wellness check" and they wouldn't do it. I've been told the cops are too lazy to get involved with something that involves going to ones house to check on a child.

I would suggest talking to a family law lawyer. If they're deemed "unfit" you could go for temp. custody. If you bring it to the judge's attention she may order the parents to do some type of alcohol evaluations.

Also you can represent yourself in court-Pro Se. I did this on and off for many years and actually all you have to do is get the right forms filled out and filed and go to your court date.

Good luck to you!

Beachbum2856

Lexusgirl: What is so weird is right now my son has to attend DUI classes, evaluations and report to a probation officer. If I found out who his probation officer is could I report him anonymously?

I appreciate everyone's comments and ideas. This is really hard. I know from trying to report my ex's drinking and driving the cops won't do anything. They have to catch the person doing something wrong. They told me I could be someone just mad at him wanting to do something against him, that that was why I was calling. But maybe since son is on probation for DUI already they might believe me.

Bernadette: You are right, I think he can see that I am sane and so is my house and that is why he probably likes it here.

lexusgirl

Well if he's on probation it's definitely a probation violation if he's drinking. It's hard to catch the booze in his system though.

I would check into who his probation officer is; it wouldn't hurt.

Beachbum2856

Thanks for all of the replies. I went and ate lunch with my grandson today and he is doing fine. We didn't talk about home stuff, just his baseball game tonight and that they were going to let butterflies go on the playground today, they hatched and are ready to fly away.

I think I'll find out who son's probation officer is and see what can be done.

I need to Alanon really bad right now.