wish he'd quit

I am currently enrolled in school right now and will be starting the program for my choosen field in the near future. This means that I have more functions for school to do whether they are required or not. I need to make connections so I go anyways.

So last night and tonight I had functions to go to. Well last night I get a text that says " Hope he can get some because I'm sure I don't have a chance." Then tonight I get one that says "How is he doing?" I seriously want to scream at him. He was made because I went to dinner after the event with a bunch of people. Yes some were men but they are married and the women outnumbered the men. I'm so tired of him trying to make me feel guilty when I havent even done anything.

AH also told me tonight that I made him quit going to his buddies house because I called him all the time and basically nagged him to come home. That may be partly true. However he had quit drinking at that time. Of course I told him that he makes his own choices and I can't make him do anything. I have been thinking alot about it and have realized that he left me sitting alone for so long while he was out drinking with his buddies or just passed out. Well now he is getting a taste of his own medicine and he isnt liking it so well. By no means do I want to cause him grief but I think Karma is bitting him in the butt.

Barbara52

Yeah, karma does have a habit of catching up with people.

As to the blaming you and accusing you of being with anoth man, my AH did that too, totally without reason. Heck I've been gone 9 months and still haven't even thought about dating! I think for my AH he had to come up with a reason for my leaving that made me the evil one since he cannot yet look at himself and admit to his alcoholism and all that goes with it.

Since you know he is off base, try to let it go.

Hikeon

I think A's do so many backhanded things (that they get caught out for), they like to try and "give what they get", regardless if it's based in reality or not.

Chrysalis123

Hey, maybe getting angry is just what YOU need. Listen to your feelings and feel them. I know when I get angry there is a good reason and I am very seldom irrationally angry. Before, I would deny the reason for my anger or assume the act that caused my anger was my fault because I........ well because my self esteem was so poor I just assumed I had done wrong. I think I was too scared to look under the anger because then I would have had to do something.

Now I know when I get angry a boundary of mine has been crossed and I know I now have choices of how to respond.

wish he'd quit

Chrysalis you make a good point about looking at the anger. I keep thinking that I am numb right now, but I know deep down that I am angry.The good thing about it is that it keeps me motivated. As mad as his stupid comments make me, I know that they keep me motivated when I start questioning things.

It's funny because as I type this he was asking me who I was going out with tonight. I went off. I told him he needs to quit sending me crap. Seriously doubt he listens though.

i4getsm

That is just too weird. That sounds like a guilty conscience to me. I don't mean to hurt you but is it possible that he has done something and is projecting it on to you? Or maybe he's just getting nervous because he knows he hasn't been a good H by drinking or being gone.

Karma does come back around...and usually it's ten-fold.

wish he'd quit

You know I have had alot of people ask me that. I really don't think he is cheating. He works alot of hours and if he isnt working he is at his buddies house helping him. Honestly I think his insecurities are getting the best of him. I think he knows something is up and is just trying to manipulate the situation to where I am under his control again. That way I am at home and not out where Im having a good time. He is basically struggling to try and regain the control that I took back when I quit letting him make decisions for me.

geees poncho

There ya go, you hit the nail right on the head.

Theodora8

[QUOTE= He is basically struggling to try and regain the control that I took back when I quit letting him make decisions for me.[/QUOTE]


Wow, this is a really powerful statement to me. This is great insight into their strange behavior sometimes.

I think you should just keep rolling your eyes at the odd texts and continue on your path to finding yourself again

wish he'd quit

Today is the day that I go to the meeting to find out what options I have if I get a divorce. I'm anxious to find out. I am definitely trying to find as much of the old me as I can. I can no longer live day to day not knowing what to expect so I am going to start acting. I don't know how long this will take but every day is a day closer. I think the biggest thing for me right now is making choices for me and for my kids. I dont have time anymore to worry about trying to make AH happy because I know I cant do that for him. Its nothing but a waste of time.

Bernadette

Wish he'd quit--
(((HUGS)))

I LOVE this post!!
Thank you for this!!
And I wish you lots of luck today and continiued strength as you extricate yourself from this unhappy situation.

Divorce/single-motherhood is hard. But nowhere near as hard as living in a bad relationship!! Honestly, you could pile all the financial hardship I carried, the lonely nights, the worry about how divorce would affect my kids, the struggle to keep a civil, even friendly relationship w/ my ex for the sake of my boys - you could pile all that X100 and it still was not as hard as living with that man! Because I finally had problems and things to focus on that I COULD change. It took time, and effort but I got my power back.

I always say I had a very happy divorce - because when you say the word "divorce" people tend to look at you like you just said someone died. I always smile and snap right back - no I had a very happy divorce!!! Because I did! I do!! I am so so so happily divorced for 9 years now!!! :rof
And my kids and I are peachy!

Your voice sounds so strong and determined! Remember - all of us who have left the bad relationships walk with you today and everyday!!

Peace,
B.

Barbara52

Amen to that!

wish he'd quit, I hope you get the information you need to help you feel empowered. {hugs}

i4getsm

I'm only 2 weeks into my separation and parts of it have been "hard" but NO WHERE NEAR as hard as living with AH. My worries are normal size not super size like they used to be. I'm reminded every day how much of MY day was spent worrying about AH. It is freeing to be away from that all the time.

Serenity8

I am loving this entire thread, because I am still living with him and need to get myself to the other side. I know it will probably get worse before it gets better, but I know that once I don't have to worry about him and his moods and actions my life will be MUCH more peaceful. I wish the same for you. Hang in there.

wish he'd quit

out the AH. He has made me feel for years that I couldn't do it, but I'm determined to prove that wrong. He was right that I couldn't have made it working the hours I had been working. I had to give my hours up because someone had to care for the kids when he didn't want to. I have realized that I have been depressed or something for so long now for just feeling stuck. I just can't do that anymore. I'm anxious to go to the meeting to night to find out all I can. On the other hand I'm nervous because it is through a different county. AH's family is so big that I am afraid to go through my own county out of fear that someone will know the family. I'm just not willing to take the risk of anyone finding out yet. Only those closest to me know. I think at this point that is what is scaring me most.

Serenity8

wish he'd quit, meetings are SUPPOSED to be anonymous. Of course I know that might not always be the case, but they are supposed to be.

On another note, there are meetings at my church the same night I go to a meeting at ANOTHER church in a neighboring town. So I get it.