Theodora8

You know, when I first read this, I thought you should have taken more action like some of the others and said no to all alcohol and have left. But, when I put myself in your shoes and remembered where I was in the beginning, you certainly are brave. I never could have done that especially at a bar and I would have even stayed the night.

It's a small step but it's also an important step into finding that courage inside you. You should be really proud that you stood up for yourself!

Summer2008

Thank you Theodora, Quite honestly I was proud of myself initially because I so wanted to spend the night, yet as I sat on the couch at his house I kept thinking if I stayed I would have been mad at myself so as difficult as it was to do I left.

However it seemed like that small step of progress was taken from me because for the most part here I was getting more 2 x 4's then I was getting support for the small step I had taken so it started making me second guess what I did.

You are right, I need to keep reminding myself that I did state a boundary and I stuck to it.

Summer2008

Nope, he didn't bring it up and neither did I. He did make a comment about us stopping there and having a drink and when I asked what he would be drinking, he replied Crown and Seven, and even went so far as to say he'd buy me a drink, I replied, No thanks, I'll pass. Nothing more was said about it at that point.

i4getsm

See...it was easier the second time you had to say no. (((Summer))):ghug3

GiveLove

The nice thing about SR is that the 2 x 4's are made of foam rubber. They're nerf 2 x 4's. I don't know that it was clear to everyone this was the first time you'd tried to set a boundary.

I'm a darned good boundary-setter now, but it took me a lot longer than it did you Keep up your self-protection, summer. The fact that he still thinks he can drink hard liquor around you means that he's pushing your buttons, trying to find out what he can get away with. Feel around inside your heart and try to find out whether you are craving being with him, or craving being with the man you want him to be (i.e. NOT an alcoholic). Sometimes we carry around pictures of people we need our s.o. to be rather than facing the reality of their behavior (like a 50-year-old asking to drink, drinking to excess, pushing your buttons). Just be open to those thoughts as you go through your days with him.

"Codependent No More" was a great resource for me too; kept me aware of my own feelings and boundaries

Good Luck!!!