The Human Tennis Ball
 

Okay, so today I'm the human tennis ball. I keep bouncing back and forth and back and forth. I keep asking myself if I'm doing the right thing. Yes, No, Yes, No. I thought I had peace about it (you may remember my power of prayer post), but I'm *still* second guessing myself. He's keeping the kids tomorrow night at his parents' house. Says to me bring them over anytime...the sooner the better. Huh? Are you the same person? Normally you would be wanting to sleep in late and be begging to put the kids down for a nap so that YOU could take a nap.

So, in my mind, I'm thinking will he become this better person? Could we possibly work things out? Add to that crazy thinking is the fact that I need to figure out visitation and the thought of being away from my kids makes me want to puke.

Of course I get to have rose colored glasses at the moment because I'm not around him and am not worrying about what he's doing or who he is with. But I'm still second guessing.

Back and forth, back and forth. One day I feel really strong, like I KNOW this is right, the next day (or even the next hour) I don't.

:headbange I have issues. :horse

Shannon

No wisdom here, just wanted to send some words of understanding. I feel like you do except I am paralyzed by inaction. I'm the frozen tennis ball. Be proud of yourself for having the courage to do something. Be glad you are taking a step to take care of yourself and your kids. I'm not strong enough to walk away yet, but I'm thinking about it. You'll find your way and you will figure out what is right. Don't know if this will help you, but I've found lately that I can sometimes think most clearly when I lie down at night. I'll pray and then lie there for a while and think. My AH is still with me, but that quiet time has been a good point for me to reflect and evaluate what's going on with my life. I don't know my path yet, but I am getting a bit clearer. I think you are on the right track too. Hugs!

T

I4gtsm, you have been going through so much and I can understand the tennis ball analogy. I waffled back and forth for 17 years. My STBXAH is very similar to yours with narcissist tendencies as well. What I have learned is that my STBXAH is manipulative and will do or say what he needs to to keep his life the way he wants. It took me a long time to be able to acknowledge that because it hurts. My XAH is sick and his disease is cunning and baffling and his behavior is unacceptable to me. I have decided that I wil watch his behavior and not listen to the words. The words are meaningless. I will no longer be fooled by short term changes and give him applause for behavior that should be expected anyway. His life is his and I have no business parenting him. My business is myself and I have learned that I am not being neglectful or bad for tending to my side of the street.

Hang in there and keep being the terrific parent you are for your twins. I cannot imagine how tiring it must be to tend to twin toddlers and deal with your husband so you take extra good care of you!!

:ghug3

I find I eliminate the tennis ball type thinking when I live in the moment right in front of me and throw the 'what ifs' and 'maybe it will be different' out the window! :ghug2

Hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but the first things that came to mind was, he's manipulating you to "look better" as he knows you expect him to be his old lazy self and the second thing is, his parents will be there, thus giving him more freedom from the kids.

Alcoholics are good manipulators and know just how to hook us. Maybe he knows what really bothers you and thats the fact that he lacks taking more interest in the kids.

When I told my mother what happened with the phone call, her immediate reaction was "I wonder who was listening to him talk on the phone to you". LOL! It's really funny that she said that because I think that all the time. Whenever he's talking to me and says something really sweet, I always wonder if someone else is there. My head says this isn't the "real" AH I know.

I'm still the ball today but I haven't stopped my plans to move on. I have to keep reminding myself that nothing is stopping us from reconciling later if he truly gets help. I really appreciate all of you taking the time to post to me. I've only been here for a week or so, and I look forward to the support that I receive here. :ghug2

I may have issues but I'm not crazy. :D

understanding here
 

Whenever he's talking to me and says something really sweet, I always wonder if someone else is there.

Don't know if I did that right but OMG, I can totally relate to that.

My XAH just drove off with my two young (3 and 5) children and will have them for four days. He has completely blown them off for the last 6 weeks, almost no phone contact and NO physical contact. Easy for him since he moved out of town a few months after we separated (when I told him I would only stay in the marriage if he sought professional help--nosiree, he declined).

Yet the children are beside themselves with joy about seeing Daddy, sickening really.

I have a terrible time worrying while they are away. And I also am POSITIVE he manages to call everyone in his family while he has them, so they think he's father of the year, I am a b$%^ for leaving him.

Obviously, I have no wisdom to offer here but some hugs and understanding.

He's their daddy. Of course they feel this way. They are too young to be able to feel otherwise. Its porbably a good thing for them at their ages.

I can TOTALLY relate to this. XAH is acting like father of the year right now. Last night he kept the kids at his folks house. I'm sure he was up early and didn't nap unless they did. When he's at our house, all he wants to do is sleep! :a043: I have no idea what he told his parents about why we're splitting. I KNOW he didn't tell them he's an alcoholic making phone calls to other women!

Oh well...as long as he's good with the kids, I don't really care anymore.