Gifts from my HP

Old 05-01-2008, 08:06 PM
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Gifts from my HP

I have had 2 gifts in 2 days and I am getting healthy enough to notice.

1. My STBXAH finally accepted the settlement offer for the divorce. He signed it today and I will be divorced officially in a few weeks. I feel such a weight lifeted and a sense of joy and freedom. I feel like skipping. He doesn't appear to be as pleased, but he has had millions of chances and well you know how that goes.

2. I wrote in my last post how I accidently discovered he was having another affair and how it shook me to the core. It wasn't the woman or the sex, it was more the betrayal of our children as he has been neglecting them finacially and emotionally as he fuifills his own selfish needs. Pouring more hurt onto hurt children and then blaming the kids.

Well, the gift was I had to do some banking for my kids and the banker is my husband's new lover! Before, I would have hidden or drove 30 miles to the other branch. The new me put on her nice clothes, make-up etc and walked in. I wish I had a picture of the look on her face. We sat down and conducted the business and I was watching her intently as she knew who I was. Her hands were visibly shaking and she looked like she was going to cry or faint. She is probably 15-20 years younger than me and my STBXAH and seems to be a very sweet lovely young gal that is completely missing every red flag in front of her. After the business was done I said, "I hear you are involved with my HUSBAND (said nicely of course). She said she was glad I brought it up because she felt terrible about how I found out. She then assured me they were just friends. I know for a fact as I saw evidence that they are sexually involved, but didn't let on. I looked at her and then said, "were you the one that went with him to the city?" She apparently didn't know I knew this and she defensively replied she had business and they met up as they are just friends. I then asked her if she was the one that spent the night with him in the hotel room. This floored her too, and I just looked at her as she realized I knew she was lying. In the mean time she was looking more and more uneasy, almost about to cry and her hands were really shaking. I said, well I hope we can become friendly just in case this "frienship" continues because my girls are involved. I also ended by saying in the nicest way possible, "I wish you the best and I hope he treats you as well as he has treated me. Have a great day."

I left with such a sense of victory because I didn't hide and act scared. I made my presence known and I stood up for myself. I didn't act crazy. The weird thing was she reminded me of me 20 years ago when I first met AH. The sad thing was the lying from her and of course him.

Come to think of it his lie was a gift too. He said the same thing, "we are just friends and what's the big deal?" about the first affair. Now I know for sure: TRUST MT GUT INSTINCT...I AM RIGHT 95% OF THE TIME.


:bounce :bounce :bounce
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Old 05-01-2008, 08:13 PM
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I wish I could be as gutsy! I think it's great you maintained your composure!
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Old 05-02-2008, 02:48 AM
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Wow! I wish I could have witnessed that experience, but just reading it here is pretty good. I'll bet you almost wanted to counsel the poor girl into running away from the guy... I'm sure you gave her plenty of "food for thought".......
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Old 05-02-2008, 05:45 AM
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It's good that you can see the bigger picture. From what I have read, the affair was just the impetus for you to take some action you'd been considering for a long time. It's not her "fault" that you are getting divorced, although she's certainly a contributing factor.

You seem to be doing all good things - taking care of yourself and your girls, and holding your head high.

Dignity and Grace, recovery in action. I would call that a good day.

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Old 05-02-2008, 05:58 AM
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"I wish you the best and I hope he treats you as well as he has treated me. Have a great day." Do I detect a note of sarcasm there???


Serious, calm truthfulness delivered with civility ALWAYS wins. But it is VERY hard to do and look at you - so smooooooth!! Man oh man!! Well done. Have fun skipping today and be happy - you deserve it.

Peace,
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Old 05-02-2008, 09:12 AM
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Had to speak with STBXAH due to child issue. He brings up his friend and starts in on the ole, "We're just friends...no big deal" . I let him go on getting deeper into the lie because as I said I have evidence of the affair. So at the appropriate moment I drop the bomb. The silence was deafening and then he says:

"Having sex with someone one time is not a sexual relationship." :rof


The game playing blows my mind and today made me laugh out loud.

Thanks for your support. You guys are the BEST!
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Old 05-02-2008, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Chrysalis123 View Post
"I wish you the best and I hope he treats you as well as he has treated me. Have a great day."
I laughed out loud when I read this. What an AWESOME thing to say. LOVE IT!!!! I'm still laughing. You go girl! Shannon
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Old 05-02-2008, 09:59 AM
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"Having sex with someone one time is not a sexual relationship."

Sounds like a past president to me...

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

Oh my...you're killing me today! :rof You have made my day. Go girl!!!
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Old 05-02-2008, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Chrysalis123 View Post
"Having sex with someone one time is not a sexual relationship." :rof
Really? So I wonder how many times you need to have sex before it is a sexual relationship? LOL Six? Ten? I am so happy you are moving on and skipping!

L
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