Freedom1990

It's hard to reflect back over my life and comprehend just how little I settled for throughout my adult life.

I was born to two very loving, caring parents, neither alcoholics, but along with their union in marriage came the baggage of generations of alcoholics on both sides.

I was a very shy kid growing up, and I was born with some serious heart problems, which kept me from participating in a lot of the more physical activies on the playground in grade school.

I never felt a part of, I was skinny, pale, and not well a lot of the time. I remember the kids deciding to play Red Rover, and as they chose up sides, there I stood in eager anticipation, only to be the last to be called because no one wanted the sickly kid on their team.

Defective. I remember feeling defective all my life. If I was defective, then how in the heck could I ask for anything decent like 'good' and 'whole' people should have in their lives?

Because my father was a workaholic and not home often, I really had the propensity for picking guys who just weren't there for me, usually emotionally.

Somehow, some way, I thought they would fix my 'broken-ness'.

The older I got, the more I tried to hook my feel-goods off of the men in my life.

I had no sense of self, who I was, good and bad both. I was afraid to find out who I really was.

So the pattern continued for decades, the fear of being alone and without a man in my life driving me to make poor choices over and over and over.

Today, I've found out I'm a pretty neat gal! Sure, I have my character defects I have to work on, but all in all, I'm worth every ounce of effort that I have put into my own recovery from codependency for almost 9 years now.

I'm not just a mother or a daughter or a sister. I'm intelligent, I have a wicked sense of humor, and I love to write prose! I care deeply about those who are walking that same road that I have over the years.

I'm tutoring myself with the new Dreamweaver software that I have, I'm looking forward to starting college this summer, and I may even have a chance to talk to students at the college about my recovery from alcoholism.

I've got two local businesses today to talk to about websites, and I will talk to them with confidence, and leave the results to God whether they want to hire me or not.

Life is such a gift, and for so many years, I sold myself short and settled for the misery of staying with a crazed alcoholic/addict, and then moved on to a series of emotionally unavailable men after that.

I'm not settling for crumbs anymore. I want the whole gosh darned cake! 3

Angelus

Darn right! Inspiring post We all deserve the whole cake, with chocolate frosting and a cherry!

ANGELINA243

Barbara52

Thank you for this post. It really is very inspiring to read the strength and confidence you have found.

peaceteach

You go, girl!

Spiritual Seeker

You learned your lesson when you were ready. Thankfully you learned it.
It is like we have little implants on us from childhood. As we get wisdom and emotional maturity we get to pull those implants off one by one and be the person we always hoped we could be. One that is able to make conscious choices instead of ones we made from our family + childhood conditioning.
It took me until I was 40 to make intelligent choices in matters of the heart.

Bernadette

thank you for this inspiration!!!
Rooting for you all the way - you deserve a great big multi-layer super-yummy cake!
Peace,
B

wish he'd quit

What a great post! It reminded me to stop and think about me for once. I was actually going over reasons in my head earlier for why I want a divorce. The last one I thought of was that I was unhappy. That should have been at the beginning. I'm tired of settling so that I am meeting everyone elses needs. I dont have time to settle anymore. I hope you can definitely have your cake and eat it too!

GiveLove

***** for you, freedom!!!! I could've easily written your post, eerie.

You know what? You not only can have your cake and eat it too -- we ALL can, that's a totally BS expression btw, invented by haters with no sense of possibility -- but something weird happens when you start to devote yourself to yourself. The cakes just keep coming, almost from out of nowhere, devil's food, german chocolate, crumb cake, towering layer cakes from the Ace of Cakes....and you start attracting people who treasure you for what you are, other cake-eaters.

My life doesn't look anything like it did before I decided I wasn't going to settle for being desperate, fearful, clingy and unhappy. Yours won't either!

XOXOXOX

best

My wife and I went to a class on starting your own small business.
I took this gem away from the class...

Why start a small business? So someday you can sell it.
Before going to the class, my understanding of a small business was that of a extra paycheck. I would work hard, give a proper price, and provide a top quality service/product. What my mindset was doing... having me settle for crumbs because I wasn't seeing the whole picture.
Work to provide for the customer...ok good codie action there that will bring in success to a degree.
Offer a good price... Nope, we learned that is wrong. Offer a price that you are worth because you are selling your talents and skills and only you are worth that amount. The other person doing the same work for less is selling themself short and thus giving the customer less of themself.
You are worth it and some day, some one will say... I like what she has...can I buy it? and with that you sell them the business for $3,000,000.00 and retire in style.

Pajarito

What a great post- thank you for inspiring me to think about the same things in myself- settling for too little for too long. I feel like thinking about it and writing about it in my journal tonight. . . You've come a long way and it's great to "see" it!

cagefree

Loved your Post Freedom!

I too felt "defective" all my life and selectively "chose" defective people for friends and lovers because I didn't feel comfortable around those who weren't. I also would select people who I felt were beneath me in order to easily rise above them to prove to the world I was better...I only needed to believe it on the inside. Now I don't need to prove it to anyone because I have the power to validate my own self worth - something I wished I had growing up.

I am still working on forgiving my parents for not teaching me how to find myself acceptable when I was a child and myself for not knowing any better until recently.

You are an inspiration! Okay - let us partake of the cake!

miss communicat

Thanks best! not to hijack Freedom's thread, but this really enlightened me just now. I have, since getting sober, started and sold 3 businesses. I think I've ALMOST got the self worth thing down, but I underpriced my businesses each time and ended up feeling defeated. Now I will remember what you said.

And Freedom, you totally rock the self worth thing!!!! awesome!

Shivaya

Freedom1990....Right On!!!!

I practice Siddha Yoga, and there is a Sanskrit meditation chant that I use:

Om ***** Shivaya

Translation: I Bow to My Inner Self, and That Which I Am Capable of Becoming

My entire life has been a journey of self-discovery, but never as much as I've discovered in the last year!!

It's feels so awesome when we truly know who we are and what we are worth.

It just keeps on getting better.................thanks for the inspirational post!


Shivaya