Hate being alone
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
"Hate being alone" is a very short way from "hate my own company" to "hate myself." It's one of those paradoxes in life that only when you are completely comfortable being with yourself (alone or with someone) that you will not be alone.
L
L
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
Designer, i know how you feel too. There was a time that i literally could not be sitting on the couch for a 1/2 hour show. I HAD to be somewhere, doing something, being entertained by friends or family.
I started to realize that being alone is sometimes lonely but now i LOVE when no one is home and i have peace and quiet
took me a while to get there and had to go through all the emotions! Never thought i'd get here but you know what, it will be ok. It's hard to see it now, but you will in time.
Keep going, we all make it to the other side in our own time.
p.s. a trick i used was when i got restless, i threw on my ipod and went for a long walk! It cleared my head!
I started to realize that being alone is sometimes lonely but now i LOVE when no one is home and i have peace and quiet
took me a while to get there and had to go through all the emotions! Never thought i'd get here but you know what, it will be ok. It's hard to see it now, but you will in time. Keep going, we all make it to the other side in our own time.
p.s. a trick i used was when i got restless, i threw on my ipod and went for a long walk! It cleared my head!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 261
thank you everyone for your responses. I am doing better today. I am just going through an adjustment period in my life and things can get kind of scary. I know that many say to look at it as a new adventure in your life and there are some days I do look at it that way and then others that I just have a hard time with it. I am still staying strong though and pushing through these strong emotions.
I just have to deal with this in steps. Though my life with my exabf was not always wonderful there was still a great love that I know both he and I felt and still do feel for each other. When you lose your best friend it takes some time to adjust to not having that person around. I am also dealing with the fact that he is not doing well and i can't do a damn thing about it. I know that this is the only way but out of site does not mean that he is out of mind and my heart aches for him. He is truly a wonderful person that has a heart of gold. Many have always said that about him and we all feel so sad and lost that he just cant find his way. You want to so bad just take that person and lead him down the right path away from all the pain that I KNOW he is feeling. THe one thing that I do know is that he is lost and so was I and the only way that I will find myself again fully is to detach myself from him.
I have questioned whether or not I miss having a relationship with another man or if I just miss him and truthfully it is him.
I just have to stay strong for my sake and for his sake.
I will be ok.........thank you all for being there for me when I needed someone
I just have to deal with this in steps. Though my life with my exabf was not always wonderful there was still a great love that I know both he and I felt and still do feel for each other. When you lose your best friend it takes some time to adjust to not having that person around. I am also dealing with the fact that he is not doing well and i can't do a damn thing about it. I know that this is the only way but out of site does not mean that he is out of mind and my heart aches for him. He is truly a wonderful person that has a heart of gold. Many have always said that about him and we all feel so sad and lost that he just cant find his way. You want to so bad just take that person and lead him down the right path away from all the pain that I KNOW he is feeling. THe one thing that I do know is that he is lost and so was I and the only way that I will find myself again fully is to detach myself from him.
I have questioned whether or not I miss having a relationship with another man or if I just miss him and truthfully it is him.
I just have to stay strong for my sake and for his sake.
I will be ok.........thank you all for being there for me when I needed someone
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Designer,
It is with true love that I am allowing my son to make the choices for himself without my assistance or guidance at this point. He is young, like your exAB, and he is coming to these conclusions on his own and for himself. From an outsider's viewpoint, you are doing exactly the right thing, both for self-love and out of love for your addict, by letting him go to find these answers for himself. It really doesn't work when others try to do all the work FOR the addict. They have to own it themselves to make it even one day at a time.
Try to keep the focus on you, sweetie. We all fear for our addicts, but are powerless over their choices. And it is unhealthy for either of you if you keep your focus on him rather than yourself. Try to keep yourself in a healthy place, with your focus on making a better life for YOU. Let your exAB's HP continue to guide him. It's a battle, I know, to keep your mind off him but it is the right thing to do. I think of it as learning to catch yourself when a trigger reminds you of him and to stop those thoughts by distracting yourself at that moment. Much like a recovering addict must learn to catch himself when a trigger arises.
And as always, Play the Tape All the Way Through......
It is with true love that I am allowing my son to make the choices for himself without my assistance or guidance at this point. He is young, like your exAB, and he is coming to these conclusions on his own and for himself. From an outsider's viewpoint, you are doing exactly the right thing, both for self-love and out of love for your addict, by letting him go to find these answers for himself. It really doesn't work when others try to do all the work FOR the addict. They have to own it themselves to make it even one day at a time.
Try to keep the focus on you, sweetie. We all fear for our addicts, but are powerless over their choices. And it is unhealthy for either of you if you keep your focus on him rather than yourself. Try to keep yourself in a healthy place, with your focus on making a better life for YOU. Let your exAB's HP continue to guide him. It's a battle, I know, to keep your mind off him but it is the right thing to do. I think of it as learning to catch yourself when a trigger reminds you of him and to stop those thoughts by distracting yourself at that moment. Much like a recovering addict must learn to catch himself when a trigger arises.
And as always, Play the Tape All the Way Through......
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 405
LaTeeDa,
As usual that was awesome!
Designer,
I felt "lonely" too, until I invested in my friends - expected as much as I would from a guy and gave as much as I would to a guy, and until I found nourishing things to fill my life with - yoga, sitting outside in the sun, maybe a pet.
I was shocked to realize a few days ago on my birthday that even though my life was not what I expected, I was happier than I expected! I just came back from the Amalfi coast Italy with a friend - not boyfriend and it was wonderful!!!
As usual that was awesome!
Designer,
I felt "lonely" too, until I invested in my friends - expected as much as I would from a guy and gave as much as I would to a guy, and until I found nourishing things to fill my life with - yoga, sitting outside in the sun, maybe a pet.
I was shocked to realize a few days ago on my birthday that even though my life was not what I expected, I was happier than I expected! I just came back from the Amalfi coast Italy with a friend - not boyfriend and it was wonderful!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
Designer - I completely agree with Peace. As much as you want to help him, you must help you first. Hopefully your own strength will help XAB to find his own strength. Of course these are only words on a page, and I know you are hurting. (((HUGS)))
Peace - As a mother of young children, I cannot imagine the strength and willpower it has taken to disengage from your son. I am really sorry that addiction has such control over him. I will pray that he finds his way and the strength to release this unbearable burden from himself and your family.
Shannon
Peace - As a mother of young children, I cannot imagine the strength and willpower it has taken to disengage from your son. I am really sorry that addiction has such control over him. I will pray that he finds his way and the strength to release this unbearable burden from himself and your family.
Shannon
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