Falling apart... Prayers please!

Old 04-30-2008, 06:38 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: by the sea
Posts: 183
Thinking of you - i am sorry that you are struggling... hang in there

shakarris
shakarris is offline  
Old 04-30-2008, 07:29 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Thank you all for the prayers! I really needed them.

Today was a little better. I held it together at work, although I was really lost on an assignment. I turned in my first draft, so I hope the partner doesn't rip it apart and regret hiring me. I'll find out in the morning.

I went to my usual therapy tonight and cried my eyes out. None on the train today, so that is a step in the right direction. My therapist asked if I had been sleeping, something she never asked before. I told her 5 hours a night tops. She said she could tell.

I don't know up from down and I'm trying to figure out how to get some balance, any balance, right now. My therapist asked me why I can't cut myself some slack on anything. I don't know why. I hope I can do that soon.

On a lighter note, my best friend in Chicago sent me some vases that he was getting rid of while redecorating. He also sent along chocolates from a place in Chicago that is to die for that we discovered when I was there in February. Chocolate makes everything better, at least today.

(((Everyone)))
NYC_Chick is offline  
Old 04-30-2008, 07:53 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
play the tape all the way thru
 
lexusgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
((((NYC))))

Thanks for the update.. I've noticed when I don't get a lot of sleep I'm very very emotional and cry very easily. I have a bad immune system and get sick easy (have bad asthma and allergies) so I need extra sleep.

Maybe you could try getting to bed earlier? Gee now I sound like your Mom lol..

Thinking of you, you're not alone:ghug3

And YES chocolate makes everything better!!!
lexusgirl is offline  
Old 04-30-2008, 07:53 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
CatsPajamas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
(( NYC ))

Better days are coming. And you're right, chocolate always makes everything better. So does cheesecake!

~Cats
CatsPajamas is offline  
Old 04-30-2008, 07:58 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
geees poncho's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Minneapolis, Mn. Minnesota Alligator Controll
Posts: 286
:ghug3 Ask and you shall receive. :ghug3 prayers and BIG BIG HUGS for you. :ghug3
geees poncho is offline  
Old 04-30-2008, 08:12 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
I'm shoving maple creams in my face as I read. I've lost 5 lbs. this week, so this is a good way to pack it back on. I haven't been this small in months.

I'm going to try to get to bed by 12:00 tonight. I had another nightmare last night, so up at 4 and work was exhausting. I'll keep my fingers crossed for no more once I hit my pillow.

Lex: I hope your nightmares go away too. I'll say a prayer for that. They sound horrible.
NYC_Chick is offline  
Old 04-30-2008, 08:21 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
play the tape all the way thru
 
lexusgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
Shoving maple creams in your face isn't such a bad thing. They sound yummy!!

I hope you get a restful nights sleep and lotsa good dreams

Dam girl, how do you get by with only 4 hours of sleep?!

Speaking of chocolate I'm going to eat some Kisses...
lexusgirl is offline  
Old 04-30-2008, 08:35 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
Have you ever tried a meditation CD? I used to do that alot and have done some of the techniques when I'm really stressed. Get one with a voice to walk you through it. (The ones with just music allowed my brain to wander too much.) I'll see if I can find mine and get you the name for one. I put the CD in my CD player, put the earphones in and lay down. 9 times out of 10 I would fall asleep to it and wake up some time later, take the earphones out and fall right back to sleep. It really helped me!

Another trick is to put a rubberband on your wrist. Whenever you start thinking negative, give it a little snap. I know that sounds coo-coo, but it does help to physically remind yourself to stop the negative thinking. My mantra was always "that's not my story". Meaning that's not my story anymore. I'm not living my life based on my past.

(((HUGS)))
i4getsm is offline  
Old 04-30-2008, 08:39 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
i4getsm: The rubber band idea is a good one. everyday I have a hair tie around my wrist because I put my hair up and down all day long. I'll start giving it a snap tomorrow! Thank you for this!
NYC_Chick is offline  
Old 05-01-2008, 05:28 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by i4getsm View Post
!

Another trick is to put a rubberband on your wrist. Whenever you start thinking negative, give it a little snap. I know that sounds coo-coo, but it does help to physically remind yourself to stop the negative thinking. My mantra was always "that's not my story". Meaning that's not my story anymore. I'm not living my life based on my past.
This is a great idea. Thanks!
Barbara52 is offline  
Old 05-01-2008, 06:26 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
Doing that really did help me. Sounds odd but every time I even see a rubberband now, I remember "that's not my story". At the time, I was pregnant with the boys (twins). I had 2 miscarriages before having them and was terrified of losing one or both of them. I would pop that band religiously to remind myself that this is a new pregnancy and good things can happen as a result. To go even further, if I had not had those two miscarriages, I would not have had my two beautiful and amazing boys. I had to walk through that incredibly hard time but it brought me out on the other side.

I'm not so "recovered" that I remember this all the time, but sometimes you have to walk through some serious **** to get where you are meant to be. Again, hugs to you.
i4getsm is offline  
Old 05-01-2008, 07:01 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
Pajarito's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
NYC- How's it going today? I feel for you with the loss of sleep problem. I am way too stressed out with everything I'm doing, so I'm trying to cut myself some slack and be ok with not being perfect. :o) I'm the kind that might fall asleep ok, but in the middle of the night wake up and have problems falling back to sleep-hamster in my brain. I get about 6 hours average, but I could use 8 or more. Sometimes I take half an antihistamine tablet to ensure I sleep through the night. Now- I hope I don't get flamed for suggesting it, but I know people take benadryl or tylenol p.m. for help sleeping. It's just something I know helps me, and also something I don't do all the time. I asked my dr. about it and she said it's not addictive- you could take one every night. Thank goodness. I also use a meditation cd to help me relax and take my mind off stress. On top of everything else going on I can't be sleep deprived- it makes everything harder. I hope you are feeling better today.
Pajarito is offline  
Old 05-01-2008, 07:36 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Thanks again everyone. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of you!

So I tried unsuccessfully to get some sleep last night. I went to bed at 12 as planned. Then, at 4 the person dropped something really hard in the apartment upstairs. I jumped out of bed and ran because it sounded like the ceiling was falling in. I tried to go back to sleep on the couch with no luck. I guess now I'm learning to live on 4 hours of sleep.

My doctor gave me beta (sp?) blockers for the anxiety. I used to take anti-anxiety meds during finals but they can be addictive and I don't want to do that, so tonight I'll take a beta blocker because anxiety seems to be one of the main issues with sleep. That and nightmares (2 last night that I can remember). I've had a continuous panic attack since last Thursday without a break. I'm exhausted. If I'm not having a panic attack, I'm crying. I can't figure out what the lesser of the to evils is at this point.

I tired the rubber band idea today. I snapped it a ton of times by noon. I can't believe my constant negative self-talk. It's weird when you have something external to remind you what you are doing. I gave up. I'll try again tomorrow.

(((((EVERYONE!!!)))))
NYC_Chick is offline  
Old 05-01-2008, 07:44 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
NYC - I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Hopefully the beta blocker will help. I agree with Paj...try a Benedryl. I take one on days when I just can't shut off my mind. I'm actually taking one tonight. I think a good night's sleep would do wonders for you. and, if the rubber band thing stresses you out, don't do it! It's just something that I used as a reminder that my life is not my past, it's my right NOW. (((HUGS)))
i4getsm is offline  
Old 05-01-2008, 07:55 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Queen of Leesburg
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 83
When I catch myself engaging in the negatives anymore I just start trying to count my blessings. it takes a minute to switch gears but it helps me
bigredme is offline  
Old 05-01-2008, 07:56 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
i4getsm: It's not stressing me out. I think it's a great idea, it's just making me more aware and I seem to love to run, so I'm trying to stay put and not run. I really appreciate the suggestion : ) I know I'll get through this, I just don't know how long the downhill will last this time. I'm not sure how much more I can take right now.
NYC_Chick is offline  
Old 05-01-2008, 08:14 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
NYC: Maybe a trip to the doctor is in order. Weight loss, anxiety, panic attacks, and inability to sleep are symptoms of an overactive thyroid. So is paranoia (thoughts that you/your work are not good enough, that people don't like you, that folks are out to get you, etc.). Beta blockers are used to treat the symptoms of hyperactive thyroidism, as are anti-thyroid drugs.

Sometimes the cause of distress is not emotional, but physical.
FormerDoormat is offline  
Old 05-01-2008, 10:09 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Working on me :)
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 14
When times are really tough, I always try to tell myself that if this is rock bottom, I can only go up from here.

Hope that might help and if not, I'm also saying prayers for you
Theodora8 is offline  
Old 05-02-2008, 01:38 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
play the tape all the way thru
 
lexusgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
((((NYC))))

Sorry you're having such a tough time. I have hyperthroidism and am supposed to take beta blockers too, but I am already on so many meds for asthma, allergies, and acid reflux that I didn't want to add another pill to the mix. My Dr. detected it because he noticed I was shaking a lot and lost weight.

And I agree taking a benedryl or tylenol PM works wonders for me and doesn't make me drowsy the next day.

Hope you get a good nights sleep!!
lexusgirl is offline  
Old 05-02-2008, 05:52 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Member
 
Bernadette's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,926
Hey NYC Chick-- How's it going??
Just had a thought when you mentioned you had taken ant-anxiety pills in the past. If anxiety is an ongoing issue for you have you ever considered CBT? Cognitive Behavior Therapy? It is a short term (like 16 weeks) form of therapy that has great outcomes for both anxiety and depression without medication. It did wonders for me - I credit it with finally allowing me to sleep (relatively!) normally again after my "year from hell" 7 years ago.

I know - you got a lot going on right now, but maybe file it away for a day when you can use it!!

We're all still hugging you tight over here at SR!!! :ghug
And another prayer coming your way!!
I hope you find a little peace of mind this weekend.....
Peace,
B.
Bernadette is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:52 AM.