wish he'd quit

Yep he started the other day with 2. We all know that I am tired of the manipulation. Well today he started asking me if I was cheating on him and if I still loved him. Then he thought that if he moved our ds to the other room I would give him sex. Well that went over like a led balloon with me. I got out of bed and came to the other room. He then gets an attitude with me and says he is going to treat me the same way I treat him. What ever. So he got the bank card from me and was going to buy some beer. So yea I'm sure now that I have " made" him start drinking again. What a crock. He thinks Im treating him nasty because I am standing up for myself and not taking the manipulation.

lexusgirl

Wow your posts sounds like the crap I went through with xabf right before he moved out. He insisted (and still does) that I was cheating on him, as surely if I wasn't focusing on him I must be focusing on another man *rolls eyes*

Actually I was focusing on ME. That thought never occured to him though. Still doesn't. He texts me almost every weekend telling me to have fun with my new life and all the guys I'm now seeing :chatter LOL!

Alcoholics are very selfish and when the focus isn't on them they don't know what to think. And of course "you" are the one that made him drink and if not that he will find some other way to always blame you.

Keep up the great attitude and keep focusing on you!!

peaceteach

I really don't understand their thinking regarding this issue. My ex was always questioning my loyalty, both sober and drunk. What is that?

Chrysalis123

My STBXAH has done this too. My AH is self absorbed and at times just plain selfish. In his mind he is the only one on the planet. Maybe in his mind, because he is disloyal and dishonest toward me, he assumes that I am this way toward him. Because that is how it is WITH HIM. If it is this way for him it must be this way for everyone else thus I have to be just like him.

itisatruth

Good for you for standing up for yourself! It seems he just doesn't know how to deal with you getting healthier so he uses the only "tricks" he knows to get to you.

I have to say that I feel the same as the replies before mine, my A also gets insecure about my taking steps for myself. I guess he knows it might result in the end of our marriage AND he feels neglected in the process. I do also think that since lying and manipulation is so natural to him, he can't see that not everyone else thinks like that.

prodigal

I can honestly say that the ONLY thing my AH has never once accused me of is infidelity. Never. I've tried to kill him. I've tried to kill myself. I've thrown out his wedding band. I've been a gold digging *&*(#$. Oh, yeah, and nobody - I mean absolutely NOBODY - likes me.:crazy

I quit listening. He finally shut his big bazoo and quit accusing.

LorraeOz

Ha, I get that line too. Because we haven't hit the sack much in recent months then I must be "getting it" elsewhere.

For us it would work like this...he would get wasted day after day after day for a week or so, then feel bad and say that he wasn't going to drink one day. By early evening he'd start getting amorous and when he'd hit my brick wall, he'd gasp "but I'm sober what more do you want". Huh! I could never get through to him that I was still furious from the days and days of unforgiveable behaviour and nasty verbal abuse (which he doesn't remember saying so therefore it never really happened!!).

It still so hard to believe that he thinks one day sober can erase the past weeks bullsh!t and that I would just melt into his arms. Don't think so.

CarolD

I was most bothered by the reek of alcohol
both old and fresh ...
when my still drinking lover wanted sex

Sex often took forever cause he was incapable

I left him....he survived...I thrived.

gmc

The only thing I can add to the replies of others is that most people get threatened when there is a sudden change in the relationship dynamic.

You are changing because the current dynamic is no longer sustainable for you and you need to change it. Whether you stay or leave, you know that the current situation is not okay and it is wonderful that you recognize that and have the strength and courage to do it.

Continue doing what you need to do and take care of yourself within the relationship. I understand where you are at, most of us do so keep coming back!

gmc

Pick-a-name

ha...same here. He knew that was not an issue with me (maybe him??) but he did do a "twist" on the full-attention,etc. Instead of another man,it was OUR children. Nevermind that he was in the other room drinking and uninvolved or not home. One had heart surgery that he even tried to twist to family and co-workers as "a way for me to get attention"....haha. Sad.

For all their bravado, I think most A's are bottomless pits of self-doubt and always looking for a way to feel "boosted" by any attention they can receive....some ways that make them ultimately feel worse and lower and more receptive to flattery and attention, and on and on....

With an active (and dry,I'm told) addict;it's all about them,in one way or another.