wish he'd quit

I now understand that I have no control over AH's disease. Well the other day he and I had this heated discussion about him quitting. In the last eight years he has quit twice. The first time was after he crashed our ds's first birthday. He stayed sober for a year. Then he started again and drank for a few more years until he wrecked his truck. During the discussion he made the comment that I "made" him quit after he wrecked the truck. I know that this is not true. I did tell him if he started and it got out of control again, that I would the kids and leave. I have told him over and over that I have nothing to do with his drinking. That is a choice he makes on his own. He has also said that I try to control him by using his kids. I don't think that I am controling him with the kids. I just refuse to leave the kids with him anymore if he is drinking. I feel that is more giving an ultimatum and the choice is his. I do admit that at one point I did think I could get him to quit and all but I have learned better.

I also find it kinda ironic that while he thinks I'm trying to control him he is doing the same to me. He expects me to stay home all the time and not do anything except with him and his friends families. I am also given time frames for when I am supposed to be home. I used to live like that but no more. I'm over being told what to do and when to do it.


My question is how does this play out during divorces? I am not demanding him to quit because the choice is his, but I will be asking that if he drinks that he not have the kids. Do they really give judgements like this? I'm just worried about doing or saying something wrong.