I shouldn't be, but I am bewildered again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: QLD, Australia
Posts: 22
I shouldn't be, but I am bewildered again.
Last Thursday, my daughter had her worst binge yet. I would hesitate to guess that she had alcoholic poisoning. She was voilently ill for most of Friday. I did keep an eye on her and even though she was throwing up I insisted she keep herself hydrated. For the next few days she was determined to stay out of the reach of others and alcohol. Things were looking good.
Yesterday, as predicted, she got on it again. This morning she is violently ill again.
Her body just cannot cope with this anymore. She is a small frame but I think she thinks she is a tank.
Would someone try to explain this to me. It mustn't be pleasant but it is now happening quite a lot.
She was never, ever this bad and I just can't understand why she would be doing this to herself over and over again.
I am having so much difficulty in understanding, why, when something is so bad for your body, why she would keep doing it and having the same reaction.
Since we detached, she told me yesterday that we don't care about her anymore. My reply was, "We do care but what is the point of us caring and being concerned for you, if you have no respect for yourself. What good would us caring about you prove?" I went on to tell her that she was an adult and that my responsibilities lie with me and my hubby. That she had done nothing to help herself, she had not listened to the ATODS councillors or mental health people, her doctor or anyone else. She wont even listen to what her own body is telling her. So what good are we to her.
I also told her that we would no longer be doing for her as we once did. That she had to organise her life and do for herself. No money, driving her places etc etc. That what was happening to her now was all her doing. I also said that I understood the trauma she had endured in her past, but she had done nothing to overcome any of this either. That her words are just that - meaningless until she took some action for herself.
There is empathy for her, but I am standing firm with her. I will not go back to the old ways in enabling or helping her b/c now she is shifting towards using and abusing us. This will not happen again.
I am considering this morning when she sobers up on asking her to find somewhere else to live. I am done with this behaviour and she needs to be on her own and deal with life and the consequences of her behaviour.
This probably should have been done a long time ago, but now that I understand this codependency stuff, I realise what I was doing. It stops when I say it stops and I think it will be today.
Not sure if this is the right course, but we are not the respite centre for her.I am getting very angry with her now. She is playing games and I think she is using all the bad stuff in her life as an excuse now. I will have to control the anger I have for her but enough is enough!!!
Yesterday, as predicted, she got on it again. This morning she is violently ill again.
Her body just cannot cope with this anymore. She is a small frame but I think she thinks she is a tank.
Would someone try to explain this to me. It mustn't be pleasant but it is now happening quite a lot.
She was never, ever this bad and I just can't understand why she would be doing this to herself over and over again.
I am having so much difficulty in understanding, why, when something is so bad for your body, why she would keep doing it and having the same reaction.
Since we detached, she told me yesterday that we don't care about her anymore. My reply was, "We do care but what is the point of us caring and being concerned for you, if you have no respect for yourself. What good would us caring about you prove?" I went on to tell her that she was an adult and that my responsibilities lie with me and my hubby. That she had done nothing to help herself, she had not listened to the ATODS councillors or mental health people, her doctor or anyone else. She wont even listen to what her own body is telling her. So what good are we to her.
I also told her that we would no longer be doing for her as we once did. That she had to organise her life and do for herself. No money, driving her places etc etc. That what was happening to her now was all her doing. I also said that I understood the trauma she had endured in her past, but she had done nothing to overcome any of this either. That her words are just that - meaningless until she took some action for herself.
There is empathy for her, but I am standing firm with her. I will not go back to the old ways in enabling or helping her b/c now she is shifting towards using and abusing us. This will not happen again.
I am considering this morning when she sobers up on asking her to find somewhere else to live. I am done with this behaviour and she needs to be on her own and deal with life and the consequences of her behaviour.
This probably should have been done a long time ago, but now that I understand this codependency stuff, I realise what I was doing. It stops when I say it stops and I think it will be today.
Not sure if this is the right course, but we are not the respite centre for her.I am getting very angry with her now. She is playing games and I think she is using all the bad stuff in her life as an excuse now. I will have to control the anger I have for her but enough is enough!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
It took my oldest duaghter 30 days before I showed her the door and changed the locks.
I'm not a respite either.
I enabled for a long time, but that one was an eye opener for me!
Mine calls once in a while for small talk, but I never have much to say, and she knows it.
She knows I'm here for her should she choose recovery, but till then I have detached in more ways than one.
Hang in there!
I'm not a respite either.
I enabled for a long time, but that one was an eye opener for me!
Mine calls once in a while for small talk, but I never have much to say, and she knows it.
She knows I'm here for her should she choose recovery, but till then I have detached in more ways than one.
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 196
I know it is crazy. It is like a waiting game wondering if the alcoholic in your life is going to hit rock bottom and take their recovery seriously or if the alcoholism is going to be the reason the alcoholic dies. Set boundaries with her. She is an adult.
And if she does ever get to the point where she does hit rock bottom, here is list from the alcoholism forum for detoxing:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
And if she does ever get to the point where she does hit rock bottom, here is list from the alcoholism forum for detoxing:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Utah
Posts: 16
You're doing the right thing by reaching out and asking for help. The concept of "the bottom" is amazingly true. A person will not accept the fact that they need help, until they ask for it.
Just like the "bottom" concept, I also agree that enabling is a real, and crippling aspect of recovery. Find out if what you're doing is enabling her abuse, and like the post above, you may need to take some hard and drastic steps as a loving parent. It's not tough love, it would be true love, in helping the process of drinking move closer and quicker to a program of recovery.
God Bless you (both of you) in your journey, and get some help in your local community.
The Cartel.
Just like the "bottom" concept, I also agree that enabling is a real, and crippling aspect of recovery. Find out if what you're doing is enabling her abuse, and like the post above, you may need to take some hard and drastic steps as a loving parent. It's not tough love, it would be true love, in helping the process of drinking move closer and quicker to a program of recovery.
God Bless you (both of you) in your journey, and get some help in your local community.
The Cartel.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Yes, it is good for us as parents to say and act on enough is enough.
My son moved home two times and both times I had to ask him to leave bec
he only regressed and lived in his addiction even more. I can not tolerate the chaos it brought to my life, to my home, to my serenity.
We can only change what we have power over, and that is ourself.
Wishing you the strenght to do what you must do.
May your daughter find the strength to find her way too.
My son moved home two times and both times I had to ask him to leave bec
he only regressed and lived in his addiction even more. I can not tolerate the chaos it brought to my life, to my home, to my serenity.
We can only change what we have power over, and that is ourself.
Wishing you the strenght to do what you must do.
May your daughter find the strength to find her way too.
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