Confused757

Is it ok to tell an alcoholic who is new to recovery how I feel about some things even though they are negative feelings? Can I tell my husband how I feel about him being away from me & our 2 children? He says that he feels bad about treating me the way we did when we were physically together (seperated by states now) & I'm not trying to make him feel worse, but I really think he should know how I feel.

Becky

justanothrdrunk

Yes.

Sweetiepie1

It's supposed to be an honest programme and they learn to speak about their feelings. We often seem to supress talking about ours but they are just as valid

NYC_Chick

I found I could be honest with my ex in a way that let him know how I feel and held him accountable, yet without being a raving lunatic.

I think it was different for me because I worked on it a lot in counseling. A good rule, I found, was using "I" language. "I felt hurt by___." That way I'm owning my feelings, as my therapist would say, and letting him decide what his were about it. Arguing with an alcoholic is never going to get you anywhere. I wish I had learned that sooner, but they can't exactly tell you your feelings are wrong because they're your feelings. Well, I guess they can tell you, but since you owned your feelings it makes it harder to pin you down in a way to continue the argument.

Now, I worry a lot less about his feelings than my own. I can honor myself without hurting him on purpose.

Sweetiepie1

In complete agreement with NYC, it's when talking about feelings decends to verbal mud slinging or being a victim that it ceases to be productive