Does anyone feel???

Old 04-20-2008, 08:11 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 66
Does anyone feel???

Is there anyone here who is married or was married to an alcoholic in treatment & feel abandoned by them?

I understand that my husband needs to focus on himself, but at the expense of his family? We haven't seen him in almost 5 mos & may not see him for another 6 mos or more as he's now living in a halfway house in another state. We've been married for 5 yrs & have 2 daughters (4 yrs & 1 yr).

It's funny (ok not really) how it's all about the alcoholic while they're using & then when they finally start getting help for their drinking, it's still all about them! I know about Al-Anon. I haven't found a meeting yet, but everything I've read so far sounds like they are there to help us understand why the alcoholic does or has done certain things to us.

Every night when I wake up to our daughter crying or my 4 yr old asks about daddy, I can't help but feel angry that he's not here to be the husband & father he said he would be. Like he's going on with his life & tossing us to the side as he always has in the past, regardless of how much he says he loves me. (He said that if he wasn't serious about his recovery, he would be here trying to get me back)

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Old 04-20-2008, 09:12 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
mallowcup's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I am sorry to say that I find people in recovery just as selfish as when they are drinking. The attention is always on them. We pray for them to stop drinking and if they do they seem to think that we are going to spend the rest of our lives happy to be saturated with their recovery. I know that most of us probably long for a normal life and this is why so many find such an overwhelming disappointment when the reality comes with working a program. In many ways their success AGAIN seems to hinge on our never ending willingness to stand behind the "alcohol".
I found myself expected to applaud every single day that my ex went without drinking. Just like a mommy hanging her kindergartners first picture on the fridge. Oh, yeah, nice job, whoopee! Good boy/bad boy?
Seems all it would take was for us to miss an atta boy and WE were the reason they failed. We werent supportive enough.
My brother-in-law is a real example. He is either committing felonies drunk or he is quoting Bible scripture. I can't stand him. he's creepy.
Somehow we think that if they quit drinking we will have a chance at a happy life.
My experience has been it's just one more facet of alcohol that is all about them.
My husband was drinking and I was at an alonon meeting. I thought, hey! what is wrong with this picture?
Sorry to sound so cynical but recovery has it's own issues. I was actually madder at my ex when he was in recovery than when he was drinking. He seemed to skim over the casualties he left along his trail.
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