nowinsituation

I spent last evening with my AH (STBX). Our daughter had a musical performance -- I always offer to take him along, if he asks -- no assuming!!. (He can't drive - not related to his drinking but due to his disability). I realized I always was doing this with a chip on my shoulder. Last night I left my chip at home, and I think I need to retire it. Thanks to God, passage of time, and a better understanding of this disease I think I finally do have compassion for him; not anger, bitterness, and resentment. Knowing that alcoholism controls him, I can forgive him for the behaviors that go along with his denial; the lying and the need to feed the addiction coming before everything else in his life. I can also forgive myself for not being able to either save him or to live with him in that condition.

The rollercoaster has lost its momentum. Maybe it's not done yet, but the highs are not as high, and the lows are not as low. We were able to have pleasant conversation -- about the weather and about what's been going on in our lifes. He didn't throw out any hooks; and I didn't put up my stone wall. It was peaceful and nice.

A line from one of my favorite songs is "When I can look at you without crying, you might look like a friend of mine". Last night he looked more like a friend. I hope things can stay this way.

FormerDoormat

I'm grateful that Richard and I were able to remain friends until the end of his life and that I could still see the good in him as his disease robbed him of nearly everything he cared about. I'm grateful that he had a friend in the end and that it was me. I always loved him. I always will.