Looking for advice....Please
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: thompson, Connecticut
Posts: 1
Looking for advice....Please
Hi everyone I'm hoping someone can give me some advice.
My mom who has been sober for over 10 years has started drinking again.
I'm not sure how long its been going on, but i think its only been a month or so. me and my sister started noticing she was in a better mood and at times more emotional. She acts guilty and is overly nice all the time. about two weeks ago i found a bottle of alcohol hidden in the back of the cabinet on the floor. So of course i started watching her more closely and started noticing her always with a cup in her hand and always passed out by 9:00 at night. she is a light sleeper and does not go to bed until very late. We started watching the bottle to see how much she was drinking. And to our surprise she was drinking almost a whole bottle a day.
We dont know what to do, we don't know if we should sit her down and confront her about it or if there is a better way of going about it. We dont want to do something that is going to make her drink more. but we want to try and help her out before she gets to deep. We cant just stand by and watch her do this. its killing us, i am so stressed out and upset all the time. This is making me sick.
in the two weeks that i have noticed she is drinking significantly more.
We are so unsure what to do.
If anyone has any advice they could offer it was be so appreciated.
Thank you so much
My mom who has been sober for over 10 years has started drinking again.
I'm not sure how long its been going on, but i think its only been a month or so. me and my sister started noticing she was in a better mood and at times more emotional. She acts guilty and is overly nice all the time. about two weeks ago i found a bottle of alcohol hidden in the back of the cabinet on the floor. So of course i started watching her more closely and started noticing her always with a cup in her hand and always passed out by 9:00 at night. she is a light sleeper and does not go to bed until very late. We started watching the bottle to see how much she was drinking. And to our surprise she was drinking almost a whole bottle a day.
We dont know what to do, we don't know if we should sit her down and confront her about it or if there is a better way of going about it. We dont want to do something that is going to make her drink more. but we want to try and help her out before she gets to deep. We cant just stand by and watch her do this. its killing us, i am so stressed out and upset all the time. This is making me sick.
in the two weeks that i have noticed she is drinking significantly more.
We are so unsure what to do.
If anyone has any advice they could offer it was be so appreciated.
Thank you so much
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 215
Oh how sorry I am to hear this. Its tough for you I can understand.
How about something like: We are concerned that you are drinking again and would like for you to get some help. We will support you in your decision to get sober.
But beforehand you and your sis need to decide what you will do FOR YOURSELVES in the event she denies or refuses to seek help. You cannot get her sober, its is entirely up to her.
You may want to think about what your boundaries will be if she decides to not seek help. Such as, we will no longer visit you (or call you) while you are still drinking, we will no longer do whatever... The most imrpotant thing is for you to protect yourself.
My experience is that alanon meetings help me to deal with this kind of situation.
Hope all goes well.
How about something like: We are concerned that you are drinking again and would like for you to get some help. We will support you in your decision to get sober.
But beforehand you and your sis need to decide what you will do FOR YOURSELVES in the event she denies or refuses to seek help. You cannot get her sober, its is entirely up to her.
You may want to think about what your boundaries will be if she decides to not seek help. Such as, we will no longer visit you (or call you) while you are still drinking, we will no longer do whatever... The most imrpotant thing is for you to protect yourself.
My experience is that alanon meetings help me to deal with this kind of situation.
Hope all goes well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
Tough situation, sorry to hear about your mom.
Do you know how or why she quit for 10 years? Is there some event that happened this time of year and is there an anniversary of sorts coming up?
There is always the possibility that she was not sober for those 10 years, did she have a support group that she attended, does she have sober friends? For me, I was at the height of my alcoholism when I was drinking massive quantities at home alone, I had completely isolated myself and had no network to fall back on. If she is isolating herself that is not a good thing.
Maybe start by getting her out of the house for walks or something she would enjoy. If she has sober friends, now would be a good time to get them involved.
I am not sure if there is any right or wrong way to approach her, that is something that you will have to figure out and seeking insight here and Al Anon are both great ideas.
Just remember, no matter what you say or do, you cannot make her drink and as long as she is alive, she can stop.
Do you know how or why she quit for 10 years? Is there some event that happened this time of year and is there an anniversary of sorts coming up?
There is always the possibility that she was not sober for those 10 years, did she have a support group that she attended, does she have sober friends? For me, I was at the height of my alcoholism when I was drinking massive quantities at home alone, I had completely isolated myself and had no network to fall back on. If she is isolating herself that is not a good thing.
Maybe start by getting her out of the house for walks or something she would enjoy. If she has sober friends, now would be a good time to get them involved.
I am not sure if there is any right or wrong way to approach her, that is something that you will have to figure out and seeking insight here and Al Anon are both great ideas.
Just remember, no matter what you say or do, you cannot make her drink and as long as she is alive, she can stop.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
The first thing I wondered when I read your post is how old are you and your sister? The reason that your age would be somewhat important is because my answer could be different depending upon your age.
A child (defined as being under the age of 18) should not feel or be made to feel responsible for the adult in their lives. I would highly recommend that you find others your age in the same situation (Alateen perhaps). That is where you will get the best information on how others handle having an alcoholic parent.
If you are not a child (defined as being over the age of 18), I would recommend Alanon, reading and talking to a professional who specializes in the area of alcoholism. You can contact a recovery center in your area and see what they might suggest to you.
I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this issue (regardless of your age). I hope that your mother is able to get back into recovery. The most important thing right now is for you and your sister to take care of yourselves and each other.
gentle hugs
A child (defined as being under the age of 18) should not feel or be made to feel responsible for the adult in their lives. I would highly recommend that you find others your age in the same situation (Alateen perhaps). That is where you will get the best information on how others handle having an alcoholic parent.
If you are not a child (defined as being over the age of 18), I would recommend Alanon, reading and talking to a professional who specializes in the area of alcoholism. You can contact a recovery center in your area and see what they might suggest to you.
I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this issue (regardless of your age). I hope that your mother is able to get back into recovery. The most important thing right now is for you and your sister to take care of yourselves and each other.
gentle hugs
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