cmc

I see an ultimatim as a demand, a method similar to blackmail in order to get someone to do what I want them to do. Ultimatums certainly never worked with my children when I used them in place of proper discipline.

Whether the condition placed brings a positive reward for the desired resulting action or a negative one for not comlpying (bribe vs threat) does not matter. In my experience it's still an attempt to manipulate and control somebody- and it does not work.

The boundary I set has nothing to do with trying to make somebody else act. It is not passive either...but set firmly in place and if crossed _I_ am ready to follow through with whatever actions I need to do in order to keep my space peaceful and safe.

LaTeeDa

Ultimatum = You must do something in order for me to be happy.

Boundary = I choose to do what it takes to be happy regardless of what you do.

L

Mr B

That's definitely it in a nutshell for me. An ultimatum is, more or less, a threat against one person. A boundary applies to everyone I come into contact with.

For what it's worth, I set an ultimatum with my XAGF - "It's me or the booze!" - which, while maybe not the best way of approaching this kind of thing did at least help me to come to appreciate that I did, indeed, come second place.

Mr B.