why are people so mean to me?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: midwest
Posts: 231
why are people so mean to me?
hi
i am married to an alcoholic husband, he has been to treatment 6 years ago, but is functioning alcoholic as he sticks to beer.
my sister is not an alcoholic, but i would call her rageaholic, used to hit me all the time,and rages at me ,now as adult.
daughter is methaddict, has baby w/fiance, and expecting new baby, she is in outpatient treatment, her mom (i am stepmom) is coke addict.
my mom is A, brother is A, sister is paraplegic, A/addict to RX drugs.
ladies at work are biotches to me for no reason.
i give everything and i am exhausted, i cannot do it anymore, i try to be a good person, tried alanon but the addicts would show up ( they are inrelationship with addicts so they think they belong) but they are messed up and i do not feel safe at the meeting
my God my God i hope you have not forsaken me,
can anyone relate ??
i am married to an alcoholic husband, he has been to treatment 6 years ago, but is functioning alcoholic as he sticks to beer.
my sister is not an alcoholic, but i would call her rageaholic, used to hit me all the time,and rages at me ,now as adult.
daughter is methaddict, has baby w/fiance, and expecting new baby, she is in outpatient treatment, her mom (i am stepmom) is coke addict.
my mom is A, brother is A, sister is paraplegic, A/addict to RX drugs.
ladies at work are biotches to me for no reason.
i give everything and i am exhausted, i cannot do it anymore, i try to be a good person, tried alanon but the addicts would show up ( they are inrelationship with addicts so they think they belong) but they are messed up and i do not feel safe at the meeting
my God my God i hope you have not forsaken me,
can anyone relate ??
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
why are people so mean to me?
Because you let them.
Get to some Al Anon or Nar Anon meetings and you can gather up some tools that work to help you set boundaries.
Don't like the meeting you were at...look for other meetings. Ask about closed meeting. Ask about home groups.
Or sit back and let others treat you what ever way they want to treat you.
The choice is your choice. You have the ability, you just need to fine tune the tools that work.
Meetings will help you do that.
Because you let them.
Get to some Al Anon or Nar Anon meetings and you can gather up some tools that work to help you set boundaries.
Don't like the meeting you were at...look for other meetings. Ask about closed meeting. Ask about home groups.
Or sit back and let others treat you what ever way they want to treat you.
The choice is your choice. You have the ability, you just need to fine tune the tools that work.
Meetings will help you do that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Welcome. I'm glad you found us and I hope we can be of some help. God has not forsaken you. He promised never to leave or forsake you. Last time I checked, he hadn't welched on his promise.
You are dealing with lots of addiction. This is bound to affect you. All that negativity no doubt makes you feel as if you are stuck in a bottomless pit with no way out and no shovel to dig your way out.
Okay. For starters, is every living being you know, are related to, or come in contact with, mean to you? And I mean everybody. No exceptions.
You may not know people's reasons for being mean to you, but I assure you they just didn't get it into their heads out of the blue one day to start trashing you. "Gee, I'm bored today and I'm sick of kicking my dog. I think I'll go treat 'rubycanoe' mean just for yucks."
I'm sorry. I'm not trying to minimalize your hurt and confusion. But perhaps you should sit back for a bit and think about what you have posted. I've worked with some pretty rotten people, and even those creeps have had a few people who liked them.
People who are in Al-Anon are there because they are, or have been, in relationships with addicts. You are in relationships with addicts. Perhaps you need to give it another try to see if you can find something in common with the folks who are at the meetings.
If not, have your considered counseling?
You are dealing with lots of addiction. This is bound to affect you. All that negativity no doubt makes you feel as if you are stuck in a bottomless pit with no way out and no shovel to dig your way out.
Okay. For starters, is every living being you know, are related to, or come in contact with, mean to you? And I mean everybody. No exceptions.
You may not know people's reasons for being mean to you, but I assure you they just didn't get it into their heads out of the blue one day to start trashing you. "Gee, I'm bored today and I'm sick of kicking my dog. I think I'll go treat 'rubycanoe' mean just for yucks."
I'm sorry. I'm not trying to minimalize your hurt and confusion. But perhaps you should sit back for a bit and think about what you have posted. I've worked with some pretty rotten people, and even those creeps have had a few people who liked them.
People who are in Al-Anon are there because they are, or have been, in relationships with addicts. You are in relationships with addicts. Perhaps you need to give it another try to see if you can find something in common with the folks who are at the meetings.
If not, have your considered counseling?
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
The answer I came up with is generally because I let them. Then I let them come back for a second, third, and fourth round. By that I mean I failed to set boundaries to protect myself and I always forgave people for treating me poorly.
Once I started to believe that I deserve to be treated well things changed. Alanon and SR helped me learn that I teach people how to treat me. So one meeting didn't work for you. Each group is different. Find another one and give it a try.
Once I started to believe that I deserve to be treated well things changed. Alanon and SR helped me learn that I teach people how to treat me. So one meeting didn't work for you. Each group is different. Find another one and give it a try.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Well rubycanoe there are a lot of mean nasty people in the world. They may be addicts they may not be addicts.
You know why fairy tales STILL resonate for little kids even to this day? Because those archetypes still exist.
There ARE GIANT TROLLS everywhere. Gettin in your way - pushing you down, creating obstacles. Your job as the hero/heroine of your own life is too slay the trolls. or outsmart them, but not to engage with them and allow them to hurt you or obstruct your journey.
The heroine finds her magic weapons (OK we can't cut their heads off w/ swords!!!! ... so education about addiction/codependency? ways of detaching? personal serenity? a plan for today? these are POWERFUL weapons) She surrounds herself with ALLIES - and is careful of false friends and does not trade with enemies.
Gather some allies and rally yourself to your LIFE!!!
You could try and make a real effort to meet some NEW people - and since now you are aware of what you don't want start imagining and making lists of what you DO want in your life.
Seek out positive people.
This is an active thing not passive. Really keep your eyes open and seek out positive people, and try to do things with them instead of with family members/addicts.
Create the life you want. It won't just "happen" and it won't come out exactly as you wish (like in mine $$$ is abundant and I live in Hawaii and have this fabulous wardrobe and amazing house!!!) but once you actively start reaching out for what you know you want, things will change for the positive.
Your life is your own adventure - don't let the trolls drag you down - you got places to go!!!
Peace,
B.
You know why fairy tales STILL resonate for little kids even to this day? Because those archetypes still exist.
There ARE GIANT TROLLS everywhere. Gettin in your way - pushing you down, creating obstacles. Your job as the hero/heroine of your own life is too slay the trolls. or outsmart them, but not to engage with them and allow them to hurt you or obstruct your journey.
The heroine finds her magic weapons (OK we can't cut their heads off w/ swords!!!! ... so education about addiction/codependency? ways of detaching? personal serenity? a plan for today? these are POWERFUL weapons) She surrounds herself with ALLIES - and is careful of false friends and does not trade with enemies.
Gather some allies and rally yourself to your LIFE!!!
You could try and make a real effort to meet some NEW people - and since now you are aware of what you don't want start imagining and making lists of what you DO want in your life.
Seek out positive people.
This is an active thing not passive. Really keep your eyes open and seek out positive people, and try to do things with them instead of with family members/addicts.
Create the life you want. It won't just "happen" and it won't come out exactly as you wish (like in mine $$$ is abundant and I live in Hawaii and have this fabulous wardrobe and amazing house!!!) but once you actively start reaching out for what you know you want, things will change for the positive.
Your life is your own adventure - don't let the trolls drag you down - you got places to go!!!
Peace,
B.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I can relate to your being surrounded by addicts. My whole family are addicts including my H. I used try and take care of everyone and then I found out it was not necessary. I found that in trying to take care of and be "nice" to everyone, everyone started feeling contempt for me because I wasn't doing a good enough job to be in charge of everyone's well being.
I mean really who put me in charge of everyones well being in the first place? I started realizing the only person I was truly responsible for is myself and that if I could take care of my own well being I was doing pretty good.
I mean really who put me in charge of everyones well being in the first place? I started realizing the only person I was truly responsible for is myself and that if I could take care of my own well being I was doing pretty good.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
People treated me badly too, until I put on the brakes and said "no more".
Today, if anyone raises their voice in anger, if anyone tries to belittle me or tell me what I SHOULD be doing for them, if anyone makes me feel like I am standing in toxic space...I remove myself immediately and refuse to stand and be victimized.
How did I get to this good place of inner peace, regardless of how those around me are behaving? By working my program and getting to like that stranger called "me". By respecting myself even if nobody else is showing respect. By "knowing" that I am worth so much better than any of this and by letting my feet move to walk away or my hands move to set down the phone and by standing by my boundary of "treat me with respect or lose me as your audience".
You can do it. Nobody can make you feel bad without your permission...don't give it and they will learn soon enough.
Hugs
Today, if anyone raises their voice in anger, if anyone tries to belittle me or tell me what I SHOULD be doing for them, if anyone makes me feel like I am standing in toxic space...I remove myself immediately and refuse to stand and be victimized.
How did I get to this good place of inner peace, regardless of how those around me are behaving? By working my program and getting to like that stranger called "me". By respecting myself even if nobody else is showing respect. By "knowing" that I am worth so much better than any of this and by letting my feet move to walk away or my hands move to set down the phone and by standing by my boundary of "treat me with respect or lose me as your audience".
You can do it. Nobody can make you feel bad without your permission...don't give it and they will learn soon enough.
Hugs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
