FormerDoormat

I find the term "M'lady," condescending. It's a term often used in fairy tales by someone who believes they're prince charming.

geees poncho

One who is addicted to a mood altering substance.

One who is addicted to a person, that is addicted to a mood altering substance.

Seems we're all in the same boat.????

most people are in a seperate & differant phase of recovery,
Judge not lest ye be judged, where did I read that.

NYC_Chick

Geees: If someone punches me in the face, do I just stand there and let them keep punching me? I supposed I could be the bigger person and walk away, but they will continue to keep punching me because I have let them. Not only that, but they will come back a second, third, fourth, and so on time because they know I have let them do it the first time and don't expect I will do anything differently.

I prefer at this point in my life to punch them back, not because I want to hurt them, but because I'm worth more than letting someone continually beat me up. Hopefully they will learn sooner rather than later to stop punching.

justanothrdrunk

I would like to see this thread locked.

Not only has it gottten way off topic, it has degraded into something that doesn't belong here.

geees poncho

Chick,

I would try to duck the first swing, and come back with a nasty upper cut.
which is self defense, not a program.

i
If I come accross a person in my life that I would consider negative,
I would simply try to avoid them.
this is why I try to sorround my self with recovering people.
with that said, it is good to see some banter here, it is healthy.
better here than with a signifacant other or a stranger.
Here I learn how to interact with other people. what is acceptable,
and what is not.

best

I think if people remember a few simple rules, we would all learn much faster.

Each situation is different
Each person is different
What worked for me is my experiences, strengths and hopes.
When I did this...this happened.

When we share "our own" story...others can make choices based on the facts of our ES&H.
When we tell others what they should do... Well you tell me what to do and most every time I will continue to do as I please. Just stubborn that way *LOL*

Those of us who are alcoholics that may come into the friends and family forums need to remember that we may be a reminder to others of the pain that alcoholics cause in the lives of others.
I know I put my wife through much hell over the years.
Please people...share from what worked for you and let others make their own choices.

Shivaya

Oh boy.....let's talk about this marriage thing. I'll try and make this 40 yr. story short........

Dad was an alcoholic. Parents divorced when I was 10. Barely saw Dad during my childhood, and early adulthood.

Never felt loved by a man. So....when one came into my life, and a fairly good one, I clung to him. He said he loved me, and I knew he meant it. I said I loved him, and I thought I meant it.

We got married after dating/living together for 5 years. We had our first child 4 years after we were married. Had our second child 10 years after we were married.

Through all of this, my AH has been a drinker, which has progressively worsened. We have had lots of good times, we have had lots of bad times.

The hardest part for me is...did I really love this man in the beginning (or ever), or did I just love the idea of being in love. Or, was I in love but did that slowly deflate with each passing year of losing respect for my AH? Oh man.....what a sad concept.........

On the bright side!!!!!......We have two exceptionally smart, beautiful children!!!! AMEN!!!!!

That felt good to get that out. Thanks!

Shivaya

hbb

Welcome Daphne75....in my own experience i can understand your curiosity about his past. I used to wonder myself but never really asked too much, as it was just that, HIS past and I have my own. Sometimes i think a past is a past regardless of alcohol or substance. Like i think Barb said earlier, it's upto you if you and only you can accept past behaviors and move forward in the relationship.

For me personally, i would have my doubts that if my exabf had a hefty past that it may happen to me personally. Not that I'm not trusting but my ex wasn't sober long and still portrayed unacceptable and poor behaviors and in fact cheated on me "working his program". I got to the point where the alcoholic in him wasn't to blame...it was HIM regardless. I'm in NO way saying this will happen to someone else....just sharing my experience....

I also have to agree with many friends that posted before me as we are all sharing from our own experiences and pasts. Good luck with your bf and i hope days are looking brighter soon! I know for me, taking away any sort of doubt or insecurity i may have had due to someone else has made things much better in my life.

hugs

gns

Hi I don't know if you are still following this thread, but I wanted to interject my experience. I was very bothered by my ex's past. He was a womanizer. My therapsit told me - maybe he changed blah, blah blah. Turned out he hadn't changed.

In retrospect, I think my intuition was telling me this was a red flag - what he thinks of women and his ability to use women selfishly for his gratification.

Certainly a person can change, but if your gut is telling you - wait a minute, maybe this guy is a womanizer........

geees poncho

daphne75, sorry I was so harsh in my reply, some times I get a little carried away
on this board.