Is it wrong to hope?
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Originally Posted by Kindeyes;
" Hope. I will always have hope. The difference is that I do not have expectations".
Hiya SickofLies,
Well that quote from Kindeyes pretty much answers your question.
You can search far and wide on the internet or even right in your own neighborhood and hear whatever kind of stories you wish about alcoholism that run the entire gamut from recovery to death.
The only story that matters is your own. I mean, how is it going for YOU? Are you happy? Have you been waiting a long time for this to "go away?"
Try to take a realistic look at your situation.
And remember even if he finds recovery then you will be living with a Recovered Alcoholic. That has success stories and failure stories too!!
Agggh. It is so hard. But you're here, and that's a good step - start educating yourself as best you can about this disease. Can you try AlAnon. You don't have to share anything there if you don't want to. You can sit and listen and learn. They have a lot of great literature too.
If you stay together, I urge you to always be honest w/ your son about what the REAL deal is. Call it alcoholism. Share your struggles with being codependent.
Even if you divorce, he's still gonna have this father so - let him know that you know it is very difficult to have an alcoholic father. Offer him some books to read and AlAteen when he's old enough.
Don't hide it from him. Some really unhealthy secrecy issues and other warped behaviors usually develop in alcoholic families. I could tell you volumes!!!
The past is gone. You are free in this moment.
Take it easy - you'll figure it out.
Peace,
B.
Last edited by DesertEyes; 04-13-2008 at 09:46 AM. Reason: fixed broken quote
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: London
Posts: 130
Interesting comments, I came here a very short time ago hoping for answers but we are dealing with individuals that are all different. The only person you can depend on for consistency is yourself. I hope you can work it out but it's a long road and only you can decide how far you want to travel along it.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 486
"Abandon hope all ye who enter here" paraphrased from Dante's Inferno. I do not see that phrase anywhere in the doors of Al Anon, AA or this site.
Hell is the absence of hope. However, Hope is not the absence of intelligence, spirituality or truth. Don't let it get in the way of you or your childs well being.
Thanks for your post and I will keep you in my prayers.
Hell is the absence of hope. However, Hope is not the absence of intelligence, spirituality or truth. Don't let it get in the way of you or your childs well being.
Thanks for your post and I will keep you in my prayers.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by triciafawn 
I "accidentally" went to an AA meeting, instead of an Al Anon meeting tonight. I went into the wrong building. But ya know what? I stayed! And I'm glad I did. The joy in that room was exhilarating! It was really nice to hear people's stories and how long they'd been sober, getting their chips, etc. .
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 196
It helps me to read the book Getting Them Sober. I have Volumes 1 and 4.
Getting Them Sober- Recovery Communications
I talk to other people who have gone through what I am going through. And I pray to God. That gives me hope.
:praying
Getting Them Sober- Recovery Communications
I talk to other people who have gone through what I am going through. And I pray to God. That gives me hope.
:praying
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by denny57
It's always great witnessing people working on their OWN recovery. Any plans to "deliberately" walk into an Al-Anon meeting?
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat
Back when I was a new member on this forum, when I wasn't hearing what I wanted to hear--that everything would be OK and somehow my alcoholic boyfriend could magically transform into my idea of a perfect man--I was tempted to look for a place that would keep my dreams of perfection alive and my rose-colored glasses intact. I guess that's why the suggestion to find a site where only success stories are shared seems to be the one that has peaked your interest the most, SickOfLies.
But hearing what I want to hear never got me anywhere. It kept me stuck in the same old miserable life and eternally waiting for someone else to change. What helped me the most was deciding to remove my rose-colored glasses, give up my dreams of a perfect partner, and be willing to face the truth.
The truth is spoken here. There are a plenty of success stories, but most of them have nothing to do with the alcohlics in our lives. The truth is the vast majority of addicts fail to reach and maintain lasting sobriety. That is the nature of addiction. It isn't a pretty picture.
The success stories on this forum have to do with the family and friends of alcoholics getting the help and support they need to make healthier life choices; gain self awareness and self confidence; achieve emotional and financial independence; set boundaries to protect themselves; and develop tools to stop accepting unacceptable behaviors from others.
You can visit the sites that only focus on success stories and continue to live outside reality or you can decide it's time to face the truth.
I chose to face the truth and that's when my life began to change drastically.
But hearing what I want to hear never got me anywhere. It kept me stuck in the same old miserable life and eternally waiting for someone else to change. What helped me the most was deciding to remove my rose-colored glasses, give up my dreams of a perfect partner, and be willing to face the truth.
The truth is spoken here. There are a plenty of success stories, but most of them have nothing to do with the alcohlics in our lives. The truth is the vast majority of addicts fail to reach and maintain lasting sobriety. That is the nature of addiction. It isn't a pretty picture.
The success stories on this forum have to do with the family and friends of alcoholics getting the help and support they need to make healthier life choices; gain self awareness and self confidence; achieve emotional and financial independence; set boundaries to protect themselves; and develop tools to stop accepting unacceptable behaviors from others.
You can visit the sites that only focus on success stories and continue to live outside reality or you can decide it's time to face the truth.
I chose to face the truth and that's when my life began to change drastically.
I remember the first few days I was here and was really upset when I got the response "It doesn't matter" when I wrote a post about depression v. drinking and how they interplay and affect my xabf. I thought to myself "It DOES matter." Then I sat and thought some more about it. How was figuring out if he was drinking because he was depressed or if he was depressed because he was drinking going to help me? IT WASN'T! I needed to figure out for myself that it doesn't matter why he drinks. He drinks and treats me badly. That's all I need to know. On that note...
I was also upset when I got a response suggesting I imagine alcohol wasn't the issue, then analyze whether his behavior was acceptable to me without it in the picture. I analyzed the death out of that. Guess what? I figured out that his behavior with or without alcohol was not acceptable.
I could not agree more with FD. I could name a ton of success stories on here. I hope to be one of them by learning from them each day. Right now, with the help of this board, I'm an "on the way to success" story. There is no place I would rather be in my life than right here, right now, learning about me.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
Originally Posted by NYC_Chick
There is no place I would rather be in my life than right here, right now, learning about me.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by atalose
I like what denny said……hope is not a plan.
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