lexusgirl

I'm really freaked out right now. I went downstairs to get some of my things and in a bag I found large, empty beer bottles hidden in weird places, and a drug test kit.

I guess this is shocking as I knew xabf drank, but never really saw all the bottles, as he hid it. And then seeing the drug test kit....wow....I really don't even know him anymore. I guess I never did.

I feel so disappointed in him and disgusted...somewhat disgusted in myself for ever giving him the benefit of the doubt.

abcdefg

hi, lexusgirl.

i see you posted on this discovery about an hour ago. how are you now?

lexusgirl

I don't know how I feel I guess...my heart just hurts and I feel very alone and scared. Just sobbing and thinking..

Thank you abcdefg for asking..

abcdefg

You're welcome. I know that feeling. Alone at night, hurting, crying, thinking. Sometimes it can get pretty hard core. When I'm having a bad night, if I add praying to that list, it does ease me. It may not go away but it eases me.

I'm sending you out a healing prayer right now...

lexusgirl

You're right it can be very overwhelming. Your prayers mean a lot to me...

He is an ex addict and was recovering when I met him. I hoped that the drinking didn't lead back to the drugs. When I looked at him tonight, he doesn't look the same in my eyes anymore. This all changed pretty sudden too, so it's hard to take all of this in.

abcdefg

I understand.

As you know, I just ended it with my boyfriend. When things turned for the worse, it only took a matter of weeks for us to go from a functioning couple, growing and making progress, to a complete dysfunctional nightmare.

I saw it. I believed it. I accepted it. I knew I couldn't change it. I let it go.

But it sure did not feel so cut and dried. It took me time. I took my time. I'm glad I did. I'm so grateful I did not rush myself -- ever -- to have an answer about the relationship. I sat with that pain and discomfort, asking for my higher power's help, and let it pass so I could make actual decisions based on something other than reaction. Because I feel clarity today. If I had rushed, I would not have that.

I know it's painful but you're doing the best thing for yourself to let the feelings out.

lexusgirl

I think the way that you handled things with your abf was very positive. I know more then ever I'm doing the right thing, my suspicions were true. I have been praying about this for the last month and maybe this is something I needed to see tonight in order to move on.

I know he's headed down a nasty, ugly road, which is sad as he has tried so hard to recover. But it's out of my hands.

abcdefg

yes. it soundsl like this discovery was a (sad) answer to your prayers.

you are right. he's on a pretty scary path and it's definitely out of your hands.

you take care of you. i'll be signing off soon for the evening but i hope you can find rest tonight. you're not alone and it IS going to get better.

lexusgirl

(((((abc)))))

I'm so grateful for your support tonight. :ghug3

NYC_Chick

Hey Lexusgirl: I hope your day is better : ) Hang in there and just keep focused on you. I think you're doing great!

really_fed_up

Hi Lex,

I hope you are doing okay today; are you keeping yourself safe? I'm concerned about you staying in the same house as him--do you have friends you can stay with? Hugs to you...
I know this is all very hard; you are in my thoughts! :ghug3

lexusgirl

Thank you guys! I don't know what I'd do without the awesome support I get here!

So there was a bit of ridiculous drama this afternoon. He had to come and get everything today, and I didn't feel comfortable with that as he had his Dad and some other guy coming with him.

I called the police and they said they wouldn't do a stand by. But they police came back and stayed for 10 mins while he got some of his things.

The police aren't as helpful as I thought they would be.

One cop said to change the locks and said that wasn't illegal, but I was told it is?? Does anyone know if it is. His name is still on the lease.

triciafawn

I am a property manager and yes that is legal, if he is leaving the premises. However, if he is still planning to reside there, no it is not. But if he is physically moving out, you have every right to change the locks.

Bernadette

Hey Lexus--
((((HUGS))))
Ugh - the drama. Just keep breathing! You know what your plan is!

Sorry you are having to deal with this kind of stuff. Yeah, I would have been shocked to find a drug test kit. Well, shocked in that way that your adreneline just goes through the roof...remember - your body never lies!

You have such a strong reaction because the evidence just overwhelms all the ability of our brain to keep our mind protected. I don't know if I am making any sense-- I guess what I mean is that - it's not shocking because you've been fooling yourself - I mean YOU KNOW what the real deal is --it's shocking to your non-addicted healthy brain because it is SO SERIOUS, and so sick/unhealthy, and so just unacceptable.....and SAD.
*sigh*
well another (((HUG))) is all I can offer. :-(

Hope you're having a better day!
Peace,
B.

really_fed_up

Yes, I believe if he is moving out it is legal to change them--and a good idea.

lexusgirl

Bernadette,
I totally can relate to what you're saying. It's like in my mind I knew he had a problem and yet I never saw much of it in action, more as though I heard about how his life in the past prior to him getting sober was. The stories were horrible and I couldn't even imagine living that way.

Seeing the drug kit with my own eyes and reading it just shocked me into reality; that he is back again where he had been in the past prior to me meeting him.

Yes it's sorta hard to explain.

warrens

Lex

Been following your ups and downs for some time. This too shall pass as it must.

But again, try to focus on YOU and not him. You do not have the credentials to understand insanity. Like trying to understand Rwanda or Darfur. You have to separate the addict from his addiction. Drug test kit? Why not? That is all part of it. I'm sure there is other stuff you don't know about.

Chances are, sans his disease, he is one hell of a human being. Addiction steals our character, however. Absconds with our sanity. How can you be expected to understand when he can't?

Try to focus on what you can and must control and that is you. The more you focus on his descent into hell the less clarity of mind you have. You may even be of help to him by simply taking care of business. It was only by observing "normal" that I came to conclude that I was not.

His actions and appearances in your life seem to have great influence on your moods. You must work towards ending that. I know, easy to say. You need to create your own reality. The old reality no longer exists. Regardless of whether you asked for it or deserve it, you have a new reality to create. The reality of you in relation to the world. Take it. Look at it as an artist looks at a big ball of unformed clay. I'm sure you have had dreams and visions of a "what if?" life. We all do. Nows your chance to start working with that clay.

warren

lexusgirl

Thanks warrens for the very insightful and helpful post.

mazey

Lexus, I would chek with your state laws. When mine left, I could not change locks till his name was off the ownership. I did have a lawyer involved. Just as soon as his name was removed, locksmith came next day and changed locks. I figured out another way to keep doors secure in the meantime! Some did tell me, if he had moved it was implied he had left, but law said different. If you live in a city, use the car keys by your bed to set off alarm if need be. It should help, or at least keep you protected to some degree.

lexusgirl

Hello mazey!

Thanks for the info. Do you mean set off the car alarm? Sorry lack of sleep last night