Shocked

Old 04-06-2008, 11:03 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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yep! it will alert your neighbors and hopefully scare off whomever! Take care, be safe. I live in country, so it would be impossible for anyone to hear the alarm. But, good idea for those in neighborhoods. AND, if intruder heard it, may make them think twice about what was going off! When my daughter moved, I took her ADT sign and put out in front of my house.....let them wonder! And if they heard my car alarm, MAY make them slow up. I am pass the ex coming here for now, but could be other intruders. I am sorry for your fear. It is awful. Peace to you....it shall come.
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Old 04-06-2008, 11:43 PM
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I didn't think it would work as my car is in the garage and I'm upstairs on the otherside of the house, but it worked!! That is such a great idea...thank you very much for that little tip.

Well I'm sure all the neighbors saw the cops today so they must know something is up. So maybe if they here the alarm go off that would be a great deterient.
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Old 04-07-2008, 01:31 AM
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When we got divorced and my ex moved out I was told I couldn't change the locks too. But, one 'ahem' broke, so I had to get a new one fitted. I just never got a new key cut.
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Old 04-07-2008, 05:33 AM
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I'm not so sure about the car alarm bit. I know people around me tend to jsut ignore them since they are heard for freakin' often.

I have to ask since I'm not clear. Has he moved out? Do you own the place or rent?
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Old 04-07-2008, 07:30 AM
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He is "in the process" of moving his things out and I tried to ask him his plans but he will no longer talk to me. He hasn't paid rent this month. He has no money and no job. Sorta ironic that he brought boxes home this weekend and at the same time I was told he didn't pay his portion of the rent, as it's due by the 5th of each month.

I do think the car alarm thing is still a good idea as if he heard that go off I think he'd leave quickly.
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Old 04-07-2008, 05:00 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Well sorry to bring this post back up. I am off to change all the locks on the house. I was advised against it by the property managment company, but I did call the Sergent just now and double checked with him to make sure I would not be in any trouble criminally if I did so. He said there is no law stating you can not change the locks if you fear someone.

Although through a legal standpoint I could be liable in small claims court I believe.

Hope I'm doing the right thing...I'm afraid it's only going to make him angrier at me...
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Old 04-07-2008, 05:27 PM
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Originally Posted by lexusgirl View Post
Well sorry to bring this post back up. I am off to change all the locks on the house. I was advised against it by the property managment company, but I did call the Sergent just now and double checked with him to make sure I would not be in any trouble criminally if I did so. He said there is no law stating you can not change the locks if you fear someone.

Although through a legal standpoint I could be liable in small claims court I believe.

Hope I'm doing the right thing...I'm afraid it's only going to make him angrier at me...
let me reiterate....as a property manager in the leasing field since 1990, I can truthfully tell you that if he is vacating the property (removing his things....i.e., will not be living there), you have every right to change the locks, if you fear your safety, even if he is still on the lease.

In the same token, if he still have things of personal value on the premises after you have changed the locks, you just have to allow him to come get the rest of his things. I would suggest calling the police again like you did before, while he's there getting his things, if you feel that he will be angered that his key won't work anymore.

He won't do anything about it. Worst case scenario he would go to the property management office and complain, but they can't do anything about it either. All they can do is direct him back to you.

Also, read your lease - and if there is nothing in the verbaige of the lease that specifically refers to your situation, then he has no recourse against you. It's all such grey areas....no one ever does anything about it. He may get mad, but that's all he can really do.

What's most important is your SAFETY. So do whatever it takes!
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Old 04-07-2008, 05:45 PM
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I know in my head I'm doing the right thing to protect myself. I just feel guilty. The codie must be coming out in me:codiepolice
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Old 04-07-2008, 06:01 PM
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So tell the codie to shut up!

Seriously, do what you need to do to protect yourself. It is perfectly reasonable to set a time for him to come pick up the remainder of his stuff. Have someone there with you. Have the police there. Tell if he doesn't show up, you will put it all outside and then do so. Otherwise he's liekly to draw this out as long as you let him.
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Old 04-07-2008, 09:03 PM
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Whoever said changing a door lock was easy? OMG it took me an hour and a half to do two doors and I cut my finger big time..but hey I got it done!
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Old 04-07-2008, 09:11 PM
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Way to go, Lex. You know, if it were a girlfriend of yours you'd be right over there helping her change her locks. Treat yourself like you would a friend in need, taking good care of that little girl inside. It's the right thing to do (so try not to doubt yourself) and it's very empowering for that self-confidence. Great step. I'm proud of you!
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Old 04-07-2008, 09:19 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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(((((((peaceteach))))))

Thank you!! And I feel like I got some of the control back in my life--MY serenity!
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Old 04-08-2008, 07:21 AM
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lexusgirl- and everyone who replied- I just have to say I am amazed and so touched by the support you give. You are wonderful people. I have been doing more lurking than contributing lately- and absorbing. Just reading through this thread made me feel good- I was cheering for you lexusgirl. You are doing the right things, and I have no doubt you will continue to. (((Take care)))
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Old 04-08-2008, 05:10 PM
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Hey, Lex - just wanted to say I am thinking about you. Have been out of pocket, off getting my new digs set up back home. We will persevere, won't we! You are doing really well. Please keep us posted.
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Old 04-12-2008, 11:28 PM
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Where I live, it wasn't illegal for me to change the locks, and it wasn't illegal for him to try to break the door down in front of the police, because his name was on the deed. HOWEVER, he didn't know that part. AND, because he was doing drugs, the threat that, if we went to court over it, he may be ordered to take a drug test scared him enough to stop any problem.

I had to learn when to push the envelope because he was pushing it a lot harder. Once he realized I had him figured out, things changed. As for the car alarm, at one point I slept with my keys and pepper spray by my bed.

I think being afraid of the other person is part of the process that many recovering "friends of alcoholics/addicts go through.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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