Ive lost touch with my own feelings...
 

There was another argument last night with RAH about an issue that keeps coming up -I've drawn my boundaries and will not give in, he says he sees no solution except for him to just be angry (and continue to badger me). Hurtful things were said, anger, distance, storming out the door, me saying I'm sorry (for what I am not sure - his anger? his unhappiness?), then silent treatment, then off to bed. I have a terrible nights sleep. Then comes morning. I am worn down but have always just put on my "happy good morning" attitude as if the whole thing has blown over. Do I fake it til I make it, or do I act sad because I am sad or act fed up because I am fed up. I typcially do not carry around a negative attitude or grudge with him...its not my nature. But i also dont feel like acting all happy because Im not. This is so hard for me to explain but I seem to have lost touch with how I am feeling and/or how to show that on the outside. It helps to write this. Thanks for listening.

All I can say is don't act.

Not sure if that's the right thing to say or not, but if you feel the need to be an actor in you daily life maybe it's time for a change somehow.

That's true. A lot of us, heck most of us, play roles in different situations but it can be a very dangerous thing for the psyche.

Alot of times it's just my nature to be happy, however if my boundaries are crossed or somebody treats me badly I do my best to be honest about how that makes me feel.

After that I must decide what action I am going to take in response to what somebody else has said or done.

jehnifer,

I think I know how you are feeling. I am trying to not act codependant and trying to not judge my AH while still maintaining self respect. The self respect part is what I may have the most difficulty with. I can detach and but then what is the appropriate action when boundaries are crossed? You can't just pretend that nothing happened, so then what.

Here's my suggestion, although I'm new to this whole thing. Say what you have to say about the "issue" and say you accept(not agree) that RAH feels differently. If he acts angry, then remove yourself from the situation and focus on you.

I've really distanced myself from AH in last week(as much as possible when you live together). Of course, then I get accused of ignoring him. If he has something constructive or nice to say I will respond, but I am not pretending that everything's ok. One thing that has really helped me is practicing "mindfulness". It's about living in the moment and being aware of what you are feeling and what is happening "now". There are no wrong or right feelings, they are what they are. A great book is called' "Wherever you go, there you are." I would be honest about what you are feeling.

What to do after that, I would defer to the experts, as I could use some help, too.

<<hugs>> and Good Luck!

I can remember the line from Melody Beattie, 'they stand around glaring at you until you apologize' Her advice, and when it came up for me I didn't handle it well, was to not react when THEY cross the boundaries. They f**k up, why am I getting angry about it? I should have merely enforced the boundary, instead I got angry and caved in. The thing that she mentioned also is to be prepared, they will ALWAYS attempt to test those fences. Hang in there, I'm fortunate in that I could simply walk away from my toxic relationship, my thoughts go out to you.


:ghug3:ghug3

It sounds like it was for me - I just got worn down.

When you say fake it til you make it - make it to what or where?

((()))