"Look at this, it's me, walking away"
 

--REM, The Boy In the Well


I find myself, as I'm working on recovery and becoming a new person who is not hurt by alcoholism, feeling an extreme aversion to my "old" life. People and activities I used to embrace no longer make sense. I think that's a good sign, but it's overwhelming and I don't know how to tell people that I'm a different person now. I want to walk away, basically. I fantasize about starting over entirely in a new city, that's how much I want to be rid of it all.

I wanted to tell people, too. Over time, I've learned my actions speak louder - go figure LOL!

I really take to heart the saying where you go, there you are. Geographics won't solve anything for me.

Good luck!

Hey Angelus -
Good on you and your progress in recovery!!

Denny hit the nail on the head: people will see you've changed by your actions.

You sound like you want to try the "Geographical Cure." One of my A brothers keeps trying it, over and over. But truly, wherever you go there YOU are! He's never given sobriety/recovery a shot yet in any location!

But I do believe that change can be a good thing- and if you see yourself seriously outgrowing a place or a group of friends then I think it can be very exciting and empowering to move out/move on!

The biggest/best moves go on in your mind.

Peace,
B.

Outgrowing is exactly the right word, Bernadette. Best to let things evolve naturally.

I think it's weird for me because in the past I've rarely been the one to let relationships end, I always clung to them (whether they were healthy or not). Part of being an ACOA. It's weird to be the one that wants to leave.

Thanks for your post. I certainly can relate to no longer being interested in certain activities or people. It's interesting how the "light bulb" turned on in my head, and I see things differently. I am no longer in the business of accepting unacceptable behavior. From anyone.

I will not watch others drink themselves to a stupor, falling down, vomiting, irresponsible behavior. I will not be the designated driver for a bunch of drunks. I will not allow all the neighborhood drunks to gather in my garage to have their party.

Don't get me wrong, I like these "people", but I will not enable their bad behaviors.

Now, if they'd like to come over and engage in a healthy activity, I'd be happy to be a part of that. And by healthy, I mean anything that does not involve alcohol!

You don't have to tell people you are a different person, they'll probably see that. And what a great feeling to be moving forward in your own personal development, emotionally and spiritually.

Good for you!

Shivaya

Thank you for your WONDERFUL post Shivaya, you summed up my feelings precisely!

THIS is a keeper.

I spent the first half of my life reinventing myself by changing my geography. it worked in certain ways but didn't work in others.

The second half has been spent giving kind attention to my own evolution, and letting myself change without judgment. That meant a lot of old patterns coming unravelled. Among other things, I had to learn to listen to my small, still voice inside when it said things like:

--You know.....I really don't feel like calling that person back. So I won't.
--I'm COMPLETELY uncomfortable here and I'm going home even if people will think I'm a little looney
--I get a weird vibe from that person and I don't know why (so I'm gonna trust that my spirit knows something my brain doesn't yet, and I'm out o'here)
--I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about hanging out with X or Y or Z. I'm tired of that; I'm going to start listening to my stomach.
--What am I doing with people who drink 'til they fall down, or people who fool around on their gf/bf, or people who are dishonest with me and themselves? Are these the kinds of people I want populating my life?

So hard at first, though! After years of pleasing people, of doing whatever it took to be "normal" and accepted and liked, it took some time to break the codie patterns. It's a practice, something you work at (like denny says) with actions rather than words, so your body learns the lessons in its very fibers.

Wishing you lots of strength and luck, Angelus. You're terrific and deserve to clean out some of the uncomfortable people and situations that don't feed you -- to make room for the relationships that DO feed you. And they'll come.

GiveLove you really stirred me with your post, thank you. That's a keeper.