Laan

Hey there...

To continue from my last post - I am in a much better state now than when I made my last post.

Sunday went by without my dad drinking anything, then also yesterday - I don't know about today though.

Yet again, he has promised that he'll never drink so much again yap-yap-yap.
We've been through this, though I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

He's SO rude - you won't believe it. He really thinks that he can drink himself into oblivion for 7 years & after a few days of not drinking - he can be a father that'll discipline us like we're little 5 year old kids.

I'm sorry - it doesn't work that way. He's got a lot to make up for him to be "dad" again. In fact...he first needs to prove to me that he CAN stop drinking, not only for a few days and then go back worse & try to make up for the lost drinks....I'm just a little frustrated now.

Am I being too hard on him?

Lilyflower

Are you being hard on him? - I don't think so, and from reading your post you know your not either. You have said that he must prove himself to you again, thats fair enough. Listen to your gut, your Dad will need to realise he will have to make amends if/when he gains sobriety. A few days of not drinking doesn't make you sober, a hard lesson it took me a while to learn!

Lily xxxxxxxxxx

emack321

I totally understand your feelings about your dad. My dad was an alcoholic too and I would get so angry and disappointed when he'd relapse. I never really understood until I worked with addicts and talked to many many alcoholics. Now, I feel badly that he died before I could talk to him. I felt so bad that I wrote an ebook to help addicts and their families understand the disease of addiction. I've gotten lots of positive emails from people who read it. You can read about it at:

newaddiction

Barbara52

No.

2 days of not drinking is meaningless. He needs to prove his words thru continued action.

Laan

I think so too, but you know what he's doing now???

He's picking on me. He wants to kick me out - me only, not my mother or brother - the ones I wanted to help, but me. I don't know why, because I'm just staying out of their way as much as possible!

This is becoming unbearable in so many ways! Does he think I stay there because I want to? He's very sadly mistaken!

Laan

Last night was a rough one again...

I'm SO sick of that man - really, he makes me sick to my stomach!!!! I see him as a pathetic, useless, incompetent and rude shadow of his former self. When I was younger, I got along better with him than with my mother.

Now, I cannot stand to even look at him. I find him and his newly acquired bad habits revolting. He's indecent, piggish and he stinks. I have never encountered someone so bad! He is just gross.

He started drinking again yesterday - maybe even the day before - well, I thought so, but didn't want to say anything to my mother (so as not to shatter any hopes she might have had) Maybe I should have - she actually deserved it! She's always my friend when he drinks, but when they are buddies again, then she'll nag and complain about me by him. SHE causes many fights in our household.

Apparently it was HER idea that he tell me to move out - SHE urged him. Not for him to pay for us to get out, but that we are more than an annoyance than anything to her!

Now, because she has proved to me that they deserve each other, I will see if I can wait things out a little - save as much as I can & take my brother & move out there - never to see them again! Even if I have to just hire a really small place (which is why I didn't - I wanted to save, so I can buy a small place, instead of entering my own life with debt)

I'm tired, so very tired of this. Again, I still wonder if I'm not being too hard and bitter? Against my mom as well? I never mentioned it before, but she's almost as bad as he is to me....

Barbara52

It might help you if you stop thinking in terms of blame. It is what it is and you have a right to live a peaceful life that leads you where you want to be. You cannot change anyone other than yourself. If you decide you need to remove yourself from your family home, do so.

When I was about 18, I moved out of my parents' home and in with my grandmother because I could no longer tolerate their drunkeness and abuse. It was the best I could do then since I was in college. But it was enough. It provided the physical distance I needed even though it was only 2 houses away from my parents.

I hope you can find some where to go. Don't think you have to move to the perfect situation. Let yourself see the alternatives available to you.

Laan

Yeah, I think you're right hey.

I'm SO seriously thinking about moving out! Even if I have to spend most of my salary on a small place and food. I dont care - I need the peace! We wanted to save to buy a place, but I am close to insanity!

My one friend said I could temporarily move in with her at her parents house until we can afford to move into a place together....but it's just not that easy.

I'll still worry about my mother and brother and then there's my boyfriend that doesn't really want me to (first I thought he was just being difficult, but this weekend came with a lot of trouble with my dad & I kinda snapped - as he tried to calm me down, I realized he's just concerned for my safety in his own way)

I can just pray for peace until we get out there...

By the way - the police was there over the weekend - he got a verbal warning, but they could still not do much....