Sweetiepie1

IMO You give an inch they take a mile. The more you let them control you the more you enable them to do it and the worse they get. If he's that shallow and your relationship is all about what he'll "let" you do is he really worth holding on to.

Try the dog analogy; you buy a puppy, you keep it on a tight lead and it stays with you because it's forced to, let it off and it runs. Buy a puppy, let it off the lead when it's young and it comes back because it loves you and wants to.

sodetermined

I don't know. I guess I'm more hurt than anything. Well, he's better in comparison to my ex-boyfriend, as far as he was emotionally absent all together. And I guess my dad wasn't a great father figure.....abusive to my mom, never worked, even emotionally abused me as a child. Even Chris gives me more than what I got from my dad. As I have gotten older, I am trying to forgive the things my dad has done and we now have more of a relationship than ever, but as far as comparing Chris to how a man should treat a woman, he probably treats me better than my mom did, maybe? I don't know. But maybe this is why......

Sweetiepie1

This makes me angry; it's a couples evening too; if he hadn't been silly enough to get himself locked you'd have invited him. Why should your life stop because he's messed up?

Barbara52

This tells me you really need to look inwardx and find out why you believe you deserve to be treated badly.

prodigal

He's so controlling ... then in a later post, he's your best friend who is warm, affectionate and a "good listener." Then you don't know why you are not mad at someone who, in my opinion, sounds like a self-serving, immature jerk.

You don't know what you feel or why you feel because you relinquished your own life to become mired in an addict's life and his messes.

But he's better than your exbf.

Until you can value yourself, respect yourself, and choose a man to be in your life out of want rather than need, I'd venture to say you are going to stick with this addict.

As LTD said, WHAT are you getting out of this relationship?

Barbara52

Yup, or exchange this bad relationship for yet another.

I grew up with an A father (and mother) and I have come to the conclusion that I managed, with my second marrige to marry my father. Seriously. I went into the marriage kowing AH was an A, that he had traits that spelled emotional abuse (of his children), that he wasn't quite what he presented to me (and the rest of the world). That describes my father to a T (except Dad physcially abused me also. I have come to recognize I have issues I must deal with and overcome due to my childhood and how I learned to behave and what I learned to find acceptable. I have only begun to deal with these issues but Lord Almighty! Life ia already so much better and I can see nothing but continued growth and happiest as I contemplate what I will make of my future.

You also can find yourself in a better place if you are willing to do the work to get there.

FormerDoormat

How is he better? Because sometimes he's good to you? Because sometimes he's not drunk? You deserve so much more than this.

I do think that your decision to go bowling without him and despite his protests is progress.

LaTeeDa

I was once content to settle for the scraps he would throw me. A little affection here and there, some nice words when he felt like it. I look back now and I realize I was starving for love and affection. I never got enough of it from the people who were supposed to give it to me as a child. So I went through life like a hungry little child, devouring and clinging to every little bit I could get. Suffering through the emotional abuse in order to get my next scrap. Until I learned to nurture myself and love myself. Now I'm not starving anymore. I am content and fulfilled. I don't settle for scraps anymore. If someone is not willing or able to give their love and affection freely without strings attached, I can walk away. Like I said in another thread, I am satisfied and if someone else shares love and affection with me, it is like having dessert. I don't need it to survive, it's an extra treat.

L

Chrysalis

If I were in your shoes, I would get myself to some Al Anon meetings. They are free of charge. They have literature for newcomers that is helpful and the people there have lots to offer if you aren't comfortable speaking you can always just listen.

Sounds like you need some healing. If you don't find some kind of help for yourself you will find yourself with another BF with many of the same characteristics as the current one and the one before him. It doesn't have to be a vicious cycle of abuse whether physical or emotional. Listen to some of the wise people on this board, they offer very wise words...