miavin2

great insight for me here Caroline and Designer...

the analogy of ending a relationship...and the relationship we have with addiction...actually seeing that addiction as a separate entity... someone we just have to break it off with ( I know this is nothing new ...but this reminded me of it ) ... its like so many divorces when , as an "ex" couple , you are acutely aware that even though your not TOGETHER anymore...you still have to interact and see eachother from time to time...especially when it comes to one of the products of your long relationship...your child ...like you and your addict are the parents of your own child together...the physical manifestation of your relationship ....the offspring ? = "active addiction"

what a ROTTEN kid !:rof

DESIGNER

So just an update.....believed another lie from the xabf. I never recieved a check for his half and I have called him again and it has been 2 days and no return of the phone call.

I guess I am just paying the whole bill and just leaving it at that. I just can't believe that I believed him again......grrhhh......it is so frustrating.

It just hurts so bad....the people that I thought just a yr ago I could trust have turned against me and do not care about me or whether I have the money to pay this bill.

The ex roommate....whatever I can deal with him being like this b/c I could care less to ever talk with him again but gosh the exabf........He sounded so concerned and acted like he would not make me pay the whole bill myself. I gave that boy so much of my life and this is how I am payed back.

I guess this should be a lesson learned. I am just so mad that I let someone like him get so close to my heart. I am dissapointed once again. I try to be a good person and do the right things in this life....why am I getting walked all over like this?

Sometimes I think that I would be better off not doing the right thing in this world. It seems like the sleazy people of this world that are not honest are the people that seem to be ahead in this life.

My heart is broken over this.....I trusted him again and he sounded so sincere. Why do I have so much faith in people.

denny57

It can be putting faith in the wrong people - sleazy people who walk all over others. If that is true, I have to look at myself. Why do I invite these people into my life?

Therapy helped me figure out why I had certain people in my life. Though the majority of my friends are terrific people, there were those who were not. They are not in my life today.

DESIGNER

The thing about it Denny is that these people have not always been sleazy people or so I thought. I mean the xabf I was together with him for 4 years and I stayed for as long as I did b/c he was such a good person when he was not drinking.

It has been a month and I am sure that he has been drinking a lot and so I am wondering if he is just becoming less and less of a good person as the time goes on. I know for a fact that one of his friends(not the x roommate) that he hangs out with all the time(weird b/c that friend has not been in the picture for the past 4 yrs) is not such a good person. I have known that friend since 5th grade and he has always been a little manipulator and not such a good person.

It is hard to know that that person may be having a bad influence on the xabf.....but I guess the blame cannot be all on the friend.....the xabf needs to be his own person.

I just know that in the past before we even got together that this friend was not someone you could call a great friend(per what the xabf has said)

Gosh I have to stop analyzing all this and just accept it. It is so hard. I think that possibly I am just so tired right now and that is why this is getting to me so bad tonight.

denny57

That's why what matters to me today is what is. Not what was, not what will be. What is.

It is exhausting trying to figure out other people. That's why I stopped doing it. It isn't easy at first, but it becomes a new way of life and isn't work at all. Do the hard work and life will improve 100 fold.

((( )))

aztchr

I had to ask and answer why I didn't have more faith in myself.

aztchr

Once I stopped trying to figure people out or trying to "help" them change, I had so much more time for myself. It does get easier and much more enjoyable!

DESIGNER

I know that I just need to write it all off and say that it was a bad experience and cut my losses but I am just so hurt by it all. I did so much for him throughout the years. Does he not remember all those times that I did those things for him and really went out of my way to be there for him?

I guess it is just not the way that I would handle the situation and that is the hard part.....trying to accept the fact that people don't always do the right thing in this world.......I just really thought that he was a different person. Gosh why do people have to be so selfish?

LaTeeDa

First of all, if I just look at it as a "bad" experience, that makes me a victim. Where does that leave me? Sitting around waiting for the next time someone wants to victimize me. I prefer to look at it as a life lesson. What did I do (or fail to do) that put me in that position?

Secondly, there are selfish people in this world. That is a fact. Is it in my power to make everyone else unselfish? No. Is it in my power to protect myself from selfish people? You bet.

So, you're right that you must accept the fact that people don't always do the right thing. But, you also must accept the fact that you have power and choices over which people you have in your life and which people you trust.

L

denny57

Why believe that this is the only option?

I haven't written off the good times, not by a long shot. I had adventures with AH I wouldn't trade for the world.

Instead of writing it off as a bad experience, how about embracing it as a learning experience?

Yes, he is selfish. I accept that. I also accept my part in the course of my life. How can I not? How can I ask an alcoholic to take responsibility, but not do the same?

Life isn't easy. Hurt happens. How I deal with it means everything.

DESIGNER

That is a hard one to accept. I mean it is bad enough with all the natural disasters that occur in this world why do people have to mess it up even more? I know that I need to accept the fact that life is not easy and I totally think that you can either make a situation either positive or negative by your attitude but I will have to say that that is a challenge to do at times.

I am still in my twenty's and so I guess I have not been through enough tough situations in my life.....need more practice or something. It is kind of like that theme song on " Friends".......so no one told you life was going to be this way....I am sure you all know the rest!

I told one of my girlfriends that they need a highschool or college course on deailng with this kind of stuff in life!!

LaTeeDa

I think it was Melodie Beatty who said something like:

"Life is a patient teacher. If you don't learn the lesson, she will gladly teach it again."

It's up to you if you want more tough situations in your life before you learn the lesson.

L