You wonder when it stops to hurt
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
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You wonder when it stops to hurt
Come back from the meeting, stopped at the old house to pick up some things. Just logged on here, hear the cell vibrating in the other room. She wants to know if I want the crock pot back.
Of course she's also throwing out the hook, she casually mentions that she'll be moving at the same time "do you want your crockpot before we move". She has done this before, remember her threatening to move back in with her ex-husband after a nasty row last fall.
I didn't bite, just said that I figured she could use it more than I could, isn't like I ever cook. I know what she's trying to do but I still feel like s**t. Hopefully I'm in the grieving stage, I know this isn't going to stop until I let it go
Of course she's also throwing out the hook, she casually mentions that she'll be moving at the same time "do you want your crockpot before we move". She has done this before, remember her threatening to move back in with her ex-husband after a nasty row last fall.
I didn't bite, just said that I figured she could use it more than I could, isn't like I ever cook. I know what she's trying to do but I still feel like s**t. Hopefully I'm in the grieving stage, I know this isn't going to stop until I let it go
Last edited by sailorjohn; 03-30-2008 at 06:47 PM. Reason: typo
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there John 
Sorry to hear you are hurting so bad. I did too, when my ex dumped me. It does quit hurting, and a lot faster than you'd think. 'course, if you keep picking at it then it will never heal. What worked for me was to let the answering machine handle my phone. That way I could answer her in my own time, and by email. That worked very well.
Other things that worked for me was to make a "focused" fourth and fifth step with my sponsor. Focused on just why I was holding on to the fantasy of my marriage. I dunno about you, but my wife had a few character defects that I chose to ignore. I built up this fantasy about who I _wanted_ her to be, rather than who she really was. Not that different from the fantasy I built about being able to handle booze
Some of my wife's character defects were small and inconsequential. Her preference for having affairs with married men was not, and _that_ is the one I chose to ignore. As long as all I saw was this perfect angel, I hurt something wicked. When I finally let go of that fantasy, and saw that our marriage had simply gone the way many marriages go, then I was able to begin the path of acceptance.
I don't hurt anymore, John. Today I can look back at all the good times I had with my ex and thank my HP for giving me those. The bad times? well.... sometimes ***** happens to people. I am grateful I walked away from that without drinking again.
There's a few suggestions on the subject, right here on SR from one of the wisest people around. I found it deeply inspiring, perhaps you can find something useful there.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ain-stops.html
Mike
Sorry to hear you are hurting so bad. I did too, when my ex dumped me. It does quit hurting, and a lot faster than you'd think. 'course, if you keep picking at it then it will never heal. What worked for me was to let the answering machine handle my phone. That way I could answer her in my own time, and by email. That worked very well.
Other things that worked for me was to make a "focused" fourth and fifth step with my sponsor. Focused on just why I was holding on to the fantasy of my marriage. I dunno about you, but my wife had a few character defects that I chose to ignore. I built up this fantasy about who I _wanted_ her to be, rather than who she really was. Not that different from the fantasy I built about being able to handle booze
Some of my wife's character defects were small and inconsequential. Her preference for having affairs with married men was not, and _that_ is the one I chose to ignore. As long as all I saw was this perfect angel, I hurt something wicked. When I finally let go of that fantasy, and saw that our marriage had simply gone the way many marriages go, then I was able to begin the path of acceptance.
I don't hurt anymore, John. Today I can look back at all the good times I had with my ex and thank my HP for giving me those. The bad times? well.... sometimes ***** happens to people. I am grateful I walked away from that without drinking again.
There's a few suggestions on the subject, right here on SR from one of the wisest people around. I found it deeply inspiring, perhaps you can find something useful there.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ain-stops.html
Mike
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